As
for male hum a n s b e i n g
genetically
t heir
with
a gerbil.
im­
C o n trary
you r
letter,
abl e
to reason.
your
he a s s u m e s
have
a
lot,
p a i r of
so
panties
a wee k
or
denies
in the
I was
s i n c e we h a v e
laundry.
idea of
derwear
I
hopes
rock),
the planet
erotica
Dear
Issue and
I'd
Any
like
is a
little
Dresser
much
and
that
your
proven
public
of
U ncle Mike a s s u r e
nothing
John wearing
yes,
fr o c k s
Your
wrong
would
real
husband
gently
at all
your
no.
some
Re m i n d
domestic
violence
tapping
him s w e e t l y
Uncle Mike's
mak e
free w ith
Your
insult
those of
and die
from
you r addict i o n .
I « III I
V «.III •
• •
*N ever c o m p le te ly t r u s t a
town whose u n d e r l y i n g
p h i l o o p h y a p p e a r s to be
" S u b d iv id e and C o n q u e r ."
N e w p o rt
permission
We a l l
m e.
that
it up,
•A lw ays w a tc h what you say
on th e p o r c h .
Dear Wilma,
his
is not g e n d e r
If he keeps
have
upon
«1
your
parts w ith a b a l l p e e n
hammer.
a personal
Wilma M .
W ake Joh n
by
has
k n ickers.
is that
night
Smoking
is an
suffer
be a n o t h e r m a t t e r . )
problem
spe c i f i c .
habit
assault
us w h o must
you
this d i s g u s t i n g
(Party
is a thief.
naughty
wrong
ver y
shows
hea l t h hazard.
and d e a d l y
there's
pict u r e
to be both
and dangerous
F i r s t , let
I resent
>
be
* I'he s e a s o n is a lm o s t upon
u s , s o . . . t h e r e a r e a few
t h i n g s a ro u n d Cannon B each
w hich m ig h t be a c c u s e d o f
d e t r a c t i n g from th e o v e r a l l
a e s t h e t i c b e a u ty o f th e
tow n:
g a rb a g e c a n s and
b e a t - u p c a r s (we know p e o p le
a c t u a l l y liv e h e r e , but does
i t h av e to look l i k e i t ? ) ,
a c e r t a i n c o u n c i lm a n 's
b l a t a n t a tte m p t to p r o lo n g
h i s a d o le s c e n c e and have
some f u n , and th e sm e ll
w a f ti n g o f f H i rd Roc k s
( c a n 't th e c i t y come up w i t h
s o m e th in g to c o n v in c e th o s e
i Locate, aa y be
a 30 day n o t i c e o r a n i c e
ro c k som ew here e l s e ? ) .
Mike,
endorsement
r
Wierd
Illustrated
h o l d i n g a cigar e t t e .
suggestions?
Linc o l n Cit y
with
suggest
sow your w i l d
As a nonsmoker,
He's a won d e r f u l
all
Uncle
been
you
us
it.
repulses me nor
Crossed
Dear
rest of
s t r ongly
and a Sports
o ats by hand.
be d o i n g
the
you buy a volume of g ood V i c t o r i a n
no children,
no-
(and Uncle Mike
the young w o m a n d rops you
like a hot
on
rela­
John w e a r i n g mv u n ­
turns me on.
honesty.
first
t i o n s h i p or not
Swims u i t
neither
and
At
John
IV
w ill
n o , i t m in t be a w a re h o u s e
w ith a v i ew . . . n o , i t m ust
be th e new, lo n g a w a i t e d ,
mu 11l dw e1 I i n g , low incom e
h o u s i n g . . . j u s t w hat i s t h a t
y e llo w m o n s t r o s i t y , T hat
g l o r i o u s e x am p le o f m odern
a r c h i t e c t u r e and good t a s t e
on t lie N o rth End? And w i l l
som eone from th e P la n n in g
C om m ission p l e a s e e x p l a i n
how i t g o t t h e r e ? ( I 'm s u r e
th e p a p e r w i l l be g la d to
o f f e r e q u a l s p a c e f o r a w e ll
th o u g h t o u t and r e a s o n a b l e
d e f e n s e . )
like a weasel
in this
Anyone t a k i n g a n y ­
t h in g to o s e r io u s ly
p ro s e c u te d .
you can also
you stay
g o i n g nuts but,
e lse c o u l d
The
for
then s u d d e n l y
everything.
thought
man
is m i s s i n g
two and
reappears
bodv
I no t i c e w h e n a
W a rn in g :
you are
life on a hand
to behave
Whether
I don't
from
full moon.
My h u s b a n d J o h n has been
s t e a l i n g my u n d e r w e a r .
M e a n d e rin g s
If you w o u l d n ' t
friend's
c h o o s e not
at
to the
Uncle Mike g e t s
of a c e y - deucey,
U n c l e Mike,
LOCAL COl-OUK
You are c o n f u s i n g y o u r s e l f
bet
D ear
keeping
pants o n ---h o r s e p u c k y .
pression
z\sk Uncle Mike
incapable of
you
to
is
su ffe r,
Y es,
a ls o
b e lie v e
U n c le M ike s m o k e s .
of
part
d e ar,
h is
re lig io n .
no a c c id e n t
b eer g la s s .
h e 's
C a ll
■ x t month:
It
It's
h o ld in g
on s ! rue t i v <•
s u g g e s t i o n s f o r th e im prove
me nt o f ae s t he t ic b eau t y .
a
h im p o l i t i c a l l y
in c o rre c t.
his boxer
Y our w h i n i n g
is two-pronged.
shorts.
As
for the personal
inhaling
d a n g e r s of
the smoke of
HELP CLOSE TROJAN!
tobacco
leaves,
when U ncle Mike
looked,
George
last
I f » time w t closn
Dea r
U n c l e Mike,
My
ladyfriend
and
making
I are
having
p r oblems.
M aybe
help.
We're
in our m i d ­
twenties
(and
ful,
have
and
not
I've
ready
still
to sow and
lav
beauti­
but
for a c o m m i t t ­
got
she's
cancer,
s m o k i n g do e s . "
serious
As
p h y s i c a l l y or h ormonally,
for e n d a n g e r i n g
innocent
little heart,
a cigarette
that
at
ranks w ith
do you
ly v ery
might
tired.
have
to m a k e
the
dily
plague
that
than v i c e
have
fidelity.
She w a n t s
promises
see m
like
from men m ore
versa,
to have
c a p a c i t y of a c r o w b a r
for
you
Since women contract
HI V v irus
ner w o u l d
if
the s e x u a l l y
the D a r k Ages
a romp.
sudden­
He w o n d e r s
h e a r d of
transmitted
he's
your
What d o you
to d i e ?
rea­
part­
the men t a l
not
►
Recipient of millions of your tax dollars in subsidies!
O pinion s founded on pre}-
udicc are always sustained
w ith the greatest violente.
believe
Jumrv
my s m o k i n g
the next
internal
and
w h e r e wit h
thinks
2 0 % of its steam generator tubas cracked and plugged I
withstand'
table
combustion
industrial
smoke­
stacks?
in G a r i b a l d i
Stupid,
Mik e
•
it can’t
for a moment,
Do you h o n e s t l y
If you want
Uncle
Subfact to earthquakes
Lot's close this menace
Please sign tha Dolt Your sel I
Com m ittee's ’ Close Trotan" petition and call toll free 1 BOO 792
2 2 3 3 to volunteei lu d í» * safe, sana, energy efficient futura
depends on you!
has
forever.
engines
Born
►
in y o u r h e a 1t h i e r - t h a n - t h o u
think?
Dear
4 4 0 tona of radioactiva w aste on the banks of the
Columbia Riverl
about
live
Wilma.
built,
Free
to
starting
What
Pall
"Smoking doesn't
U n c l e Mike
v i c t i m s ---think
I say men aren't
Born
plans
•
Mike
remembers
worrying
some w ild
trip
to be m o n o g a m o u s .
ma n he met:
cause
the m o n o g a m y guilt
on me.
either
She's
U ncle
is a b e t t i n g man who
Mall
eac h o t h e r
I love her and all,
just
oats
with)
commercials.
dangerous Tropin Nuclear Power Plant
still
the a d v i c e of an 83 year old
been s e e i n g
few months.
ment.
to
and
sleeping
for a
I'm
both
you can
Burns was
to ask
think?
fork
doubt
to m a r c h
your
torch and pitch-
(and U ncle Mik e does n ' t
for a m i n u t e
that
you might
start w i t h
L ike most
p e o p l e on
U n c l e Mike d o e s n ' t
sonal
some­
car.
He
you do),
your garage.
the planet,
own a p e r ­
regards
it as a
publisher,
Billy
vou got
e m ’ H ults
times:
"I w on't
house
prize-winning
'Light
if
has
said m a n y
smoke
in your
if you d o n ' t
my air."
em up
drive
Cinnamon Roll«.
Pizza by tha Skc«,
Muffin«, Esprasao,
and Cookies
230 N. HEMLOCK
Ph. 436-2032
n a s t y habit.
As our n e a r l y
EAT
MORE
COOKIES
thro u g h
Freedom of thr press is the
staff of life for any vital
democracy.
WrNDFIX L. Wll-I.X«
Upper Ixfi lulgc will never
reveal our sources, but if you
guess, you could win a prize.
«5