THE TORCH OF REASON, SILVERTON, OREGON, MARCH 16, 1899.
4
Recollections of a Patriarch.
tree of knowledge. That foolish fib about 600 years ago, having, so ¡t Allah. It Ma>iiis tallet«,
Ms kis-
was the invetion of our lying Yese- was reported at the time, inadvert- met, his destiny; v» t did I miss him
BY METHUSELAH.
de fakir, devil-worshipping priest, antly swallowed one of his own m uch, for tru ly we were timr • like
Why, Metty dear, there is about as nostrums; and so— Khoda shefa unto brothers th an lather ami son,
Shukur Allah! Praise be to God, much knowledge to be obtained midehed! God gives relief! — we there being but 65 years difference
who has blessed his servant with a from an ephah (three pecks) of were rid of him, the silly ooloo keh- in our ages, father having taken
good memory. This is the 1 656th those apples as there is from the bi! brother of an owl! Enoch, my unto him self a wife a t the rid icu ­
year of creation, and my 968th pastek (watermelon) you are now father, might have been living with lous age of 64. In co n trast to mv
birthday; yet can I recall the early eating. And I ought to know, for us now, had he not contracted the fath er’s precocious m arriage, rny
days of mv childhood, yea, even as barik Allah (praise be to God)! we foolish habit of walking with Allah, eldest grandson, Noah, rem ained i
far back as my 60th birthday, fo ri had pretty well cleared the tree of but while yet in his prime, in the bachelor till he was 500; ami, he
remember that on that occasion I its fruit before we were caught. 365th year of his life, he suddenly chesm, on my eyes he it! ihough I
was invited unto a festival held Min Allah! God forbid that I disappeared. He had been seen am now entering my 969th year,
in the tents of my revered relatives should in any way disparage my strolling in the wilderness with Al- my eldest great grandson, Shen»,
Adam and Eve, where I spent some Adam! May his grave be honored! lah that morning, and as he never has not yet attained unto the corn-
happy hours in the company of But is he in any way the wiser for returned to his tent, and we could pletion of his first century
youths of about my own age.
having partaken of the fruit, or are find no trace of his body, we natur-
(Signed) M ethuselah .
Adam was at that time 747 years any of his descendants, now living, ally concluded, Allah kebur! God is
Tent 247, by the Eastern gate
old. Eve was but a few days the wiser for his having done so? powerful — that he had been kid- (inquire of Cheubim on the wall).—
younger, yet did she vow, in my Bismillah! our knowledge exceed- napped or carried off by his friend [J. C. Hutton, in Secular Thought,
hearing, by Allah sil Nebi, by Al- eth by a mere trifle the wisdom of
lah and his prophets, that there the ape!”
still lacked a month and three days
And thus she rattled on, filling
to the completion of her fifth cen- my brain with history and my
tury! Wallah, may I die the death stomach with doughnuts and wa-
oi a dog and my grave be defiled if terraelon, till my pain and my
she looked a day older than 600.
grief were assuaged. When she
Not only was it esteemed a high hade ine go, with her usual loving
honor to be invited to the tents of farewell — “ Murakhas! Mobarek!”
the Wahi, head of our house, but (goodbye, good luck go with you) I
To sell property
granny (I call Eve “granny”, had reason to feel grateful to her,
To buy a home
though there are rive generations and so have ye who, in generations
between us) made excellent dough- to come, shall read these lines that
To go into business
nuts, and was a great kessehgou, tell of our first mother, for it was
To exchange real or personal property
story-teller. I remember, as though owing to her that I became a scribe,
To work, or to hire workers
it were yesterday, when I was but Yea, for did she not on my eight-
70 years old, how I was struck ieth birthday provide me with a
ANYTHING
down by a big boy of about 90 and goodly roll of parchment and reeds
■■■■
robbed of my bag of marbles. In to write with thereon, bidding me
W R IT E T O U S .
W E C A N H E L P YOU
my distress I ran to granny’s tent, record the doings of our tribe and
and she, bidding me “Kosb ame- the events of my own life,
deidl” (you are welcome), listened
“Bashun ustun! on my head be
Address, INFORMATION BUREAU
to my woes, cursed my cowardly it!” said I, “if I fail to do that
Silverton, Oregon.
assailant as a “Shitan keh bacheh” same!” and I kept that oath and a Opposite Liberal h A u
son of a devil! and consoled me diary ever since. Indeed, my re- :--------------------
with a large slice of watermelon cords would fill 500 volumes, judg-
and a goodly supply of doughnuts, ing from the piles of parchment
How to Make
Then, taking me on her lap, she that fill the four corners of my tent,
wiped away my tears and related At one time I had thoughts of boil-
the following tale:
ing them down to one volume, and
T he G o v e rn m e n t n atio n alized th e Postal System , why no t also
“Oh, it was just a lovely time we having that same published by
th e Money S ystem ? A plan is told by C. ELTON B L A N C H A R D
had in the dear old garden, Metty. Mahalaleel & Co., but have been
in his l»ook e n t i t l e d .................................
Everything so peaceful and beauti- deterred from so doing, warned by
UNCLE S A M ’S
ful; no thistles nor nasty stinging- the lamentable fate of my father
nettles, only gay flowers and sweet Enoch’s work, “The Prophecies of
H O M IL IE S ON F IN A N C E
fruit. And all the animals were Enoch,” published by the same
>—
Postpaid for 25 Cents.
there, so tame and kindly disposed, firm in the year 613, and which fell
All profits on th is liook will be given to th e L iberal U n iv ersity .
I
t
sh
o
u
ld
be
in
th
e h an d s of every th in k in g person. A ddress all o rd ers to
W by, Metty, if I chanced to come fiat or» the market, only two copies,
The TORCH OF REASON, Silverton, Oregon.
across a lion or a tiger, a bear or a out of an edition of thirteen, having
wolf asleep under some bush or sha- been sold, one to bis father, Jared,
•ling tree, I would think nothing of and another to his grandfather, W ho D oes Y our
Cut This On*
lying down beside him to pillow’ my Cainan, who died at the ripe age of
F ill it up, and forw ard w ith
head on his soft body, and slumber 910, when I was but 417 years old.
$1.00 to th e
peacefully till awakened in the cool Adam died in his 930th summer,
L ib e r a l U n iv e r s ity C o .,
of the evening by the voice of Adam and my beloved Yahi Ribi, dear
Silverto n, O reg o n.
calling me to go with him for a friend, Eve, a year later, aged 931; If you req u ire any
gallop (for we often had a race though, Staffir Allah! may God for-
around the grounds mounted on a give her! with her last breath she C a rd s o r C irc u la rs ,
To th e P u b lish ers a f the Torch
B ill H e a d s ,
girafie, or a zebra, or au elk, or hade me engrave her age on her
o f Reason:
-ome other swift-footed creature); tombstone as — 592 years and 3 N o te o r L e t t e r H e a d s ,
P lease send th e T orch of R eason to
and as for snakes, Wallah, I could months!
my ad d ress for one y ear, for which I e n ­
S ta te m e n ts ,
close
$1.00.
(°il the most poisonous of them
Verily we sons of Adam are a T ic k e t s , P ro g ra m s ,
round my neck as a necklace. In- long lived race! but then, Shukur In v ita tio n s ,
X a m r.
fieed.it was wearing these pretty Allah! praise be to God! we never
"marnents that first suggested to had but the one hakim (doctor) in B a e k s o r P a m p h le ts ,
Post office.
!'Je ,iie ifiea °f making an apron, our tribe, and we avoided that Sbi- E n v e lo p e s
For> of course, you are getting too tan keh bacheh (son of the evil Or anY other Printing, you will serve
hig a boy now, Metty, to believe I one) as we would poison. He died *vour ? int|<,^r8t ar)fi },e,P HUPP°rt
thro l l ' P lhe idea o f dree8makin8 suddenly in great agony — Allah
Ing y«.,r ordera'to U Wi
1 ougn eating of the fruit of thejkarnn! God is most merciful!-- will execute them promptly, tastefully.' State
J
N F O R M A T ' IO N
BURE A
u
DO
YOU
WANT
Good Tim es for a ll Time.
P
rinting ?