Page 4
T h e N o r th C o a s t T im e s E a g l e ,
F rid a y ,
3 A u g u st,
1979
C A R TO O N BY DON OSBORNE
A LITTLE OFF THE TOP
Salting Mushrooms
b y M ic h a e l M c C u s k e r
The Nuclear Age began 34 years ago.
The mushroom cloud was first seen
in the clear sky over a desert. Quickly
it became the tombstone of two Japanese
cities. Hiroshima was the first, on
August 6, 1945. Nagasaki was next,
three days later. Less than a week
afterward humanity's most terrible war
was over.
If ever there was a pivotal moment
in human history, that was it. All
the discoveries of science and their
application to warfare culminated in
the splitting of the atom and its use
as a weapon of unprecedented destruc
tion. Warfare might have stopped at
that point with the realization that its
ultimate progression would conceivably
mean the destruction of civilization
and probably the extinction of humanity.
Instead the war planners devised ways
in which wars could be fought without
reaching the irreversible point of
oblivion.
A new term came into the inter
national vocabulary. Limited war.
Within four years after the end of
World War II the United States lost its
monopoly of atomic power to the Russians,
and in 1950 the theories of limited
warfare were put into practice when the
communist government of North Korea
sent its armies south. Three years
■and a few million lives later the world
uncrossed its fingers with an uneasy
sigh of relief. Although the war
ended in a stalemate, and eventually
involved the armies of several nations,
Korea proved that brushfire wars could
be fought if the two nuclear powers
reached certain understandings of
the limits those wars could not go
beyond.
Now we debate SALT.
SALT is an acronym for Strategic
Armaments Limitation Talks: a longwinded
process to maintain a balance of the
world's ph. SALT I gave us a parity
of destruction; SALT Ti begins a mutual
de-escalation until each of us— the
U.S. and the U.S.S.R.— are able to destroy
the world only once. SALT III, if we
ever get there, will apparently differ
from SALT II in that it will strictly
limit what can be added to the nuclear
stockpile.
SALT II was signed with great cere
mony by Carter and Brehznev, the current
figureheads of the two nations. The
treaty is snagged in the U.S. Senate
over the issue of Russian trustworthi
ness and America's capability to mon
itor what we know will be the other
side's violation of the treaty.
Moscow probably is having the same
problem: what are those Americans
building under Thunder Mountain?
Another problem might be that several
nations are members of the nuclear
club these days, and at least two others
are eager to blow open the doors. Not
the least concern is that a terrorist
might loot a nuclear power plant and
send Manhatten or Moscow up in smoke.
The treaty itself is worthless.
All treaties are. There exists no
court of accountability for nations,
short of warfare, which is what SALT
attempts to avoid. Treaties exist
only as long as they remain convenient
to their signers, and have been used
more often as an excuse for war than for
peace.
The importance of SALT is the
process not the ratification— except
ratification continues the process.
There is an old saw that talkers are not
doers, so as long as they keep talking
we of the world's little people stand
a chance of dying the natural deaths of
lung cancer, auto collisions and dom
estic shootouts.
In the meantime it is an act of
faith to draw a breath, to pass a
second, without wondering if the mis
siles are not already on their way.
&
/ANOTHER
by S a p p e r G rim s h o t
If you've been hearing voices lately,
it's probably just a politician or bu
reaucrat debating the yin and yang of
honorable employment.
Or is it?
Maybe he's only calling in 'sick'
so he can take that four day backpacking
trip he's been dreaming about in the
office lately. With full pay, of course.
On the other hand, he may be reheas-
ing his post-levy-defeat threatening
speech larded (greased?) with cliche-
ridden dire portents of "drastic cuts
in services", "curtailment of much-
needed programs", and gloom-shrouded
forecasts of blind, crippled orphans be
ing sent to man the galleys.
But listen carefully, and, over the
restling sounds of black crepe being
draped over the body politic, you can
hear them asking quaint, plaintive
questions like, "what do you mean the
free lunch is over?" and, privately of
course, the outraged "How dare those
insolent worker bees say NO to us sub
sidized drones?!
I knew the answers to the last two
questions were, respectively, "Yes"
and "Easy!"
To get the answer to the first ques
tion, I did what the politician failed
to do. t got up off of it and went
out and asked the voters, "What are you
trying to tell them?"
Some of the answers I received were
combustible enough to solve anybody's
energy crisis. A few of the gentler
responses are quoted below.
One businesswoman said, "It would be
nice to get some people who are able
as commissioners. People who are
capable are not going the political
route. I can stand bureaucrats if
they are intelligent and have some
moral fibre. Do you know any?"
Well, if you sifted through the de
generated ruins of our bureaucratic
system, you might find a few.
A working mother with two children
said, "They (th"> public) don't see
where the money is going in the ex
isting (county) budget. They don't
feel they are getting their money's
worth as it is."
Another reply echoed this sentiment
with, "We are tired of paying for
services that don't .seem to be happening."
From a retired CPA came, "I am
very anti-bureaucrat. I want to reduce
the power of the bureaucracy. The only
way short of violence is "don't give
them any money."
"The taxpayers have had it right up
to the neck." and "I've had enough
of their damned government crap!" were
typical of many responses.
A former public employee, speaking
for herself and her husband, said,
"For the first time in four years, we
voted NO. We just felt it was time to
say; "ENOUGH". Every time we go to the
polls it means our property taxes will
increase. It's got to stop somewhere.
It's our way of saying we've got to take
another look."
We can all say Amen to that.
And now we come to the sad, sad
bottom line of it all. A local busi
nessman pointed out the tragic extent
to which politicians and bureaucrats
have successfully deafened themselves
to the people they are paid to serve,
when he thundered,
"If that isn't
the dumbest question I ever heard!
Anyone who has to ask that must be
pretty stupid!"
Stupid, maybe. Neqliqent, yes.
Our present source of contention
arises from the inexcuseable and undeni
able fact that we have permitted our
servants to become our masters. That
is the problem. Does it have a solution?
If so, whose solution will prevail?
The taxpayer's or that of our new masters.
Our new masters offer us the ex
tortionist's solution to his victim;
pay up or else!
"Or else what?"
"Vee haff vays, you know!"
"And what are those, kind sir?"
"Cut! Slash! Abandon! Forfeit!
Decrease!"
"It pleases me greatly to hear you
apply such words to incompetance, in
efficiency, tunnel vision, phony sick
leave rip offs and a lack of moral
dedication to the people you serve."
“Dumkoff! I am talking about vot
vee are paid to do! The only reason for
our existence! SERVICES!"
"Gosh. You really had me going there
For a moment, I thought there was hope."
Summer is passing. Autumn is on
it's way. We await chill November, when
leaves fall and taxes rise down on the
lew.
The great collective impression held by the people
of the United States seems to derive, more than ever,
from that purely American enterprise, the public op
inion poll. With what much of the rest of the world
calls Yankee Impatience, we seek information in the
way we do everything else; the quick way.
Beginning
with the HARRISBURG PENNSYLVANIAN, in 1824, the press
and the advertising agencies of this country have been
possessed with the notion that none of us can really
make up our minds about anything unless we know what
everybody else is thinking.
We, speaking in the editorial mode, thought it would
be interesting to see how effective this method of
research is by conducting a poll of our own based on
a set of questions already made popular by the super
polls of the industry.
Addressing each issue in the
typically bland,
unbiased language of the Standard
Poll, the TIMES-EAGLE set forth to ask an homogenous
group of strictly average people, right here in Cannon
Beach, to help us divine the pulse of the national
attitude.
The three questions were:
1. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT THE PRESIDENT IS A BUMBLING
PEANUT VENDOR MHO HAS BROUGHT THE NATION TO ITS KNEES
AND THROMN US INTO A PARALYZING INFLATION THAT IS DE
STROYING OUR HOPES FOR THE FUTURE AND MILL LIKELY IN
SPIRE MANY SUICIDES FROM THE WINDOWS OF NALL STREET?
2. ARE THE GIANT OIL CARTELS FORCING PRICES UP IN AN
OBVIOUSLY CONTRIVED SHORTAGE WITH AN AIM TOWARD MANI
PULATING THE NATION INTO SURRENDERING TO A CAPITALIST
JUNTA THAT MILL OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT, CRUSH LABOR
AND CHANGE THE RED, WHITE & BLUE TO RED, YELLOW &
GREEN?
3. DO YOU ADVOCATE THE IMMEDIATE FORMATION OF A CITI
ZEN VIGILANTE FORCE WITH GUNS AND NERVE GAS TO MARCH
ON THE OIL COMPANIES, THE NUCLEAR REACTORS, THE WHITE
HOUSE AND THE DOW-JONES AVERAGE?
And of course, the usual three answer boxes were
provided:
A. DAMN RIGHT, BOY!
B. I'M SO MAD I C A N ’T MAKE UP MY MIND!
C. Well, gee . . I . . maybe, but . .
The criteria for selecting the sample required that
those polled had to be in normal situations that rep
resented the community and the nation as a whole.
For instance, we chose the first twenty percent from
a line waiting at a gas station that had just closed.
Another twenty percent came from those coming out of
the bank with their foreclosure notices, while a third
twenty percent were approached as they left a super
market with a cart full of groceries.
The fourth and
fifth segments were taken out of the crowd at a protest
rally. We felt we had a true cross-section of the coun
try, a microcosm of America that would surely depict
the total opinion of us all.
The results of the poll would be discouraging to a pres
ident more sensative to polls than Mr. Carter, nor woul'
the oil companies find understanding and compassion in
the answers our completely impartial survey developed.
The Armed Forces may be somewhat encouraged, however, t
learn that we are not a nation gone soft on the defense
of our homes and families.
Eighty percent of those pol
led were in favor of militant preparedness.
Only one person in the survey answered in the negative
mode for the entire questionnaire.
He was a senior cit
zen who said he still had faith in the future and that
most of the problems can be resolved by following the
president's suggestions on conservation and resolution.
When the other four people in the survey heard him say
that, they beat him to death with their picket signs.
Public Opinion is a powerful and persuassive impliment
that demonstrates clearly how even a few can speak fcr
us all when it comes to our constitutional rights, righ
H wave
The height of selfishness was encoun
tered by this writer following the re
cent fire in the Tolovana Park area which
interrupted electrical service from south
Cannon Beach to Falcon Cove for some five
hours.
A guest in one of the affected motels
had the gall to ask the motel management
to reimburse him at least in part for
the breakfast he had had to go out and
buy because he could not fix his own in
his motel unit. No thought was given to
the fact that the fire victims would not
have a place to fix breakfast even when
the power was restored, not to mention
other loss of property, possible injury
or loss of life. This jerk was concerned
only with his own inconvenience and his
few paltry dollars.
Without realizing it, the local Ameri
can Legion has the perfect means for
helping out this type of "needy" person.
With their other services and donations
to scholarship funds, the Day Care Center
and Christmas baskets, it has probably
never occurred to any of the members how
this particular unsolicited fund could be
distributed. There is a receptacle in
side the building which receives small
cpin donations from time to time. I call
it, for want of a better term, "the wish
ing well". It is located on the wall of
the men’s room and it isn't the wash
basin.
Had the motel clerk who was accosted
by this unfeeling, self-centered person
only known, he could have sent the man
to "the wishing well” for appropriate
reimbursement.