Page 2
Illinois Valley News, Cave Junction, OR Wednesday, April 9, 2008
This week we turn to the You gotta’ love maintenance
guys humor file, sent by a friend, who took it from the Internet.
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a
“gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with
the aircraft. Mechanics correct the problems, document
their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe
sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
humor. Here are some actual maintenance com-
plaints (according to the Internet) submitted by UPS pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with
an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the
only major airline that has never had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Fine Dining
(Editor’s Note: Views
and commentary, including
statements made as fact, are
strictly those of the letter-
writers.)
* * *
Typed, double-spaced
letters written solely to this
newspaper are considered
for publication. Hand-
written letters that are dou-
ble-spaced and legible also
can be considered. “Thank
you” submissions are not
accepted as letters.
* * *
Dislikes some reporting
From Joe Phlaum
Kerby
I want to ask the people
of Josephine County to join
me in my effort to stop the
spread of hate and discontent
that seems to be the tabloid-
type objective of the Grants
Pass Daily Courier.
The attacks on our elected
officials (in my opinion, por-
traying our sheriff as a money
grubber, and our commission-
ers as petty juvenile liars) are
not conducive to the best in-
terests of our county.
Although I am not a jour-
nalist I feel that there are bet-
ter ways of reporting the facts
without it being like a three-
ring circus. Personally I like
the way Illinois Valley News
covers the news and events.
Those who feel the need
to read a paper every day
could use the Medford Mail
Tribune or The Oregonian
out of Portland.
I feel that we should pray
that God will give our elected
officials the wisdom and
strength to do their jobs to the
best of their abilities.
Sheriff’s budget, reality
From Paul Massing
Cave Junction
I guess everyone has
their own idea on how to
solve the sheriff’s budget
problem, when the reality is
that everyone wants protec-
tion, but no one wants to pay
for it.
In any case, court after
court case has determined that
it is not the job of law en-
forcement to protect the indi-
vidual citizen. It is there to
maintain order and enforce
laws.
But I digress. In the
March 3 edition there was a
brilliant letter by a fellow
who had solutions to all the
sheriff’s ills. The only diffi-
culty is, the fellow’s asser-
tions were not correct in all
aspects, or should I say, most.
I want to state that I am
writing this of my own accord
without any connection or
knowledge of the sheriff’s
office. I have been a volun-
teer member of the Josephine
County Sheriff’s Office
Search And Rescue unit for
five years. We are a highly
trained group that covers eve-
rything from mountain rescue
to ground search to swift wa-
ter rescue.
After our academy train-
ing (on our time), we continu-
ally train beyond the 30 hours
mandatory yearly training.
We maintain our diverse
equipment, which ranges
from a Sno-Cat to boats to
other technical gear too nu-
merous to list.
If there is a public event
such as Boatnik or Back To
The ‘50s, you will probably
see us in our orange SAR
shirts out there doing traffic
control or some related job,
thus relieving the city police
department to do their thing
with less man-power.
Our area is a tourist at-
traction for many. Fishing,
camping, hiking and rafting
are all great draws for tourist
dollars. While all these great
opportunities for recreation
abound, our area is unique in
that it contains some of the
most rugged, unforgiving
terrain in the world. People
come here not prepared for
this, and it bites ‘em when
they’re not lookin’.
Let me close by putting
minds at ease about our fund-
ing. We SAR members, even
though we are sworn mem-
bers of JCSO, are entirely
voluntary, and our funding is
provided solely by grants. We
receive no funding from the
sheriff’s office.
However, for anyone
who would like to donate, we
accept checks from private
citizens. People can contact
JCSO, and I’m sure they’ll be
put in touch with the right
folks.
Stay safe; remember 911;
phone 24/7.
Writing in the Massachusetts’
Resolves, the radical Libertar-
ian founding father, Sam Ad-
ams, wrote, concerning rights
of the citizens of Massachu-
setts, that they were grounded
on “the law of G-d and Na-
ture, and on the common
rights of mankind.”
Therefore, Adams con-
tinued, they “are unalienably
entitled to those essential
rights in common with all
men, and that no law of soci-
ety can, consistent with the
law of G-d and Nature, divest
them of those rights.”
Then Adams gets to the
nub of the argument: the
sanctity of property rights.
“Resolved, that no man can
take the property of another
without his consent.”
When the State forces
Austin’s child to stand, it has
stolen her property rights over
her own body, by forcing her
into involuntary servitude. It
is unconstitutional, and the
Constitution, it should be
remembered by all, is the
Law of the Land. And, if any-
one doesn’t like it, then let
them move to Canada, as was
suggested to Austin’s daugh-
ter, where they will not be
bothered with having to live
under the U.S. Constitution.
While I do not say the
pledge for religious reasons, I
do stand for it as a sign of
respect for the Constitution,
the Bill of Rights, the Found-
ing Fathers, and for this great-
est of all modern civilizations
and the American free-market
system. But I have no prob-
lem whatsoever with my fel-
low citizens who view even
this as an unconstitutional
concession to the Leviathan
State an evil, according to
President Jefferson, who
wrote the Declaration of Inde-
pendence.
(Continued on page 3)
‘Collectivist pledge,’ he says
From Paul Grad
Cave Junction
The verbal assaults and
letters to the editor on the
dignity of Catherine Austin’s
brave daughter, whom I call
The Littlest Patriot, com-
pletely miss the relevant legal
points in this case for not
standing for the collectivist
Pledge of Allegiance
And I feel that the two
I.V. High School employees
who challenged her need to
be fired.
The question is one of
property rights. Does Aus-
tin’s daughter own property
rights over her body, as the
Constitution teaches, or can
she be forced into involuntary
servitude and made to stand
against her will?
Of course, the Constitu-
tion, Natural Rights Law, and
the Founding Libertarians all
stand with Austin’s daughter.
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Robert R. (AKA Bob or El Jefe), Editor and Jan Rodriguez
Entered as second class matter June 11, 1937 at Post Office as Official Newspaper for
Josephine County and Josephine County Three Rivers School District, published at
321 S. Redwood Hwy., Cave Junction, OR 97523
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Volume 71, No. 4
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