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Illinois Valley News, Cave Junction, OR Wednesday, January 3, 2007
This was the week I was going to deliver a humor-
ous look at 2006, but instead, having injured my funny
bone, I offer the following. It’s only a bit dog-eared.
*The reason a dog has so many friends is that he
wags his tail instead of his tongue. (Anonymous)
*Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive
evidence that you are wonderful. (Ann Landers)
*If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I
want to go where they went. (Will Rogers)
*There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy
licking your face. (Ben Williams)
*A dog is the only thing on Earth that loves you more
than he loves himself. (Josh Billings)
*The average dog is a nicer person than the aver-
age person. (Andy Rooney)
*We give dogs time we can spare, space we can
spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give
us their all. It’s the best deal man has ever made. (M.
Acklam)
*I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members
of a weird religious cult. (Rita Rudner)
*A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance -- and to
turn around three times before lying down. (Robert
Benchley)
*Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like
never washed a dog. (Franklin P. Jones)
*If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that cer-
tain dogs I have known will go to Heaven, and very, very
few persons. (James Thurber)
*If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exer-
cise. (Unknown)
*My dog is worried about the economy because
Alpo is up to $3 a can. That’s almost $21 in dog money.
(Joe Weinstein)
*Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I
mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the
most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They
must think we’re the greatest hunters on Earth! (Anne
Tyler)
*Women and cats will do as they please, and men
and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. (Robert
A. Heinlein)
*If you pick up a starving dog and make him pros-
perous, he will not bite you; that is the principal differ-
ence between a dog and a man. (Mark Twain)
*You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog
will give you a look that says, “Wow, you’re right! I never
would’ve thought of that!” (Dave Barry)
*Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives
whole. (Roger Caras)
*If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog
biscuits in one of your pockets and then give him only two
of them. (Phil Pastoret)
*My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog
already thinks I am. (Unknown)
REWARD
...for return of lost dog “Moses”
•
•
•
•
Missing since Christmas Eve from Kerby
6-7 lbs. male Yorkshire Terrier
Tan face & legs, black back
Brown leather spiked collar, no tags
$100 plus $25 worth of pizza
weekly for one month at Pizza Pit
Phone Annabell at 415-0202 or
Pizza Pit at 592-6111
Illinois Valley News
www.illinois-valley-news.com
An Independent Weekly Newspaper Co-owned and published by
Robert R. (AKA Bob or El Jefe), Editor and Jan Rodriguez
Entered as second class matter June 11, 1937 at Post Office as Official Newspaper for
Josephine County and Josephine County Three Rivers School District, published at
321 S. Redwood Hwy., Cave Junction, OR 97523
Periodicals postage paid at Cave Junction, OR 97523
Post Office Box 1370 USPS 258-820
Telephone (541) 592-2541, FAX (541) 592-4330
Email: newsroom1@frontiernet.net or newsdesk@illinois-valley-news.com
Volume 69, No. 42
Staff: Michelle Binker, Zina Booth, Josiah Dean, Scott Jorgensen
Millie Watkins, and Tina Grow
Member: Oregon Newspaper Publishers Association
(Editor’s Note: Views and
commentary, including state-
ments made as fact, are strictly
those of the letter-writers.)
* * *
Typed, double-spaced let-
ters written solely to this news-
paper are considered for publi-
cation. Hand-written letters that
are double-spaced and legible
also can be considered.
‘Thank you’ submissions
are not accepted as letters.
* * *
Response to generator
question at senior site
From Ruth Samuel
Cave Junction
This is an answer to
Sharon Reasor (Letters to
the Editor, Dec. 20).
I appreciate her being
an American Red Cross vol-
unteer. I have been a volun-
teer at Illinois Valley Senior
Center since February 1999.
The senior center is
completely operated by vol-
unteers -- there is not one
paid employee. We are do-
ing a fantastic job and are
always welcoming new vol-
unteers; someone who
might be able to furnish
flashlights, matches, candles
and oil lamps and be there
during all emergencies.
The power outage had
nothing to do with volun-
teers of the center. In the
years I have been volunteer-
ing at the center I recall
nothing of a generator being
disposed of.
During Reasor’s stay
she probably noticed that we
are in the middle of redeco-
rating and repairing the cen-
ter. The day she visited we
were in the middle of paint-
ing the main room and
kitchen, and things were
upset. Also she was walking
on brand-new carpet.
She may have noticed
also that we have additional
new rooms in the rear of the
one she was in. Our desire
was to get them completed
before she was due to arrive,
but were unable to do so.
The American Red
Cross has been using this
building for several years.
The members of the center
completely gave up any use
of the building while they
were using it and never
complained. I believe this
happens three times a year.
This may be why no one
was around to help Reasor
look for a flashlight, etc.
Our main thought is to
complete the addition and
have it ready for the Red
Cross during its next visit.
Our plans are to install
new heat pumps and a gen-
erator in our addition for use
during emergencies. The
weather was ahead of us,
and Reasor should consider
herself lucky; some people
were without electricity for
days in the same area.
‘Made in the USA:
spoiled brats’
From Stan Smith
Cave Junction
The other day I was
reading “Newsweek” maga-
zine and came across some
poll data I found rather hard
to believe. It must be true
given the source, right?
Here I promised myself
this week I would be nice,
and I start off in this way.
Oh, what a mean man I am.
The “Newsweek” poll
alleges that 67 percent of
Americans are unhappy
with the direction the coun-
try is headed and that 69
percent of the country is
unhappy with the perform-
ance of the president. In
essence, two-thirds of the
citizenry just ain’t happy
and want a change.
So being the knuckle-
dragger that I am, I starting
thinking, “What we are so
unhappy about?” Is it that
we have electricity and run-
ning water 24 hours a day,
seven days a week? Is our
unhappiness the result of
having air conditioning in
the summer and heating in
the winter?
Could it be that 95.4 per-
cent of these unhappy folks
have a job? Maybe it is the
ability to walk into a grocery
store at any time and see
more food in moments than
Darfur has seen during the
last year?
Maybe it is the ability to
drive from the Pacific Ocean
to the Atlantic Ocean without
having to present identifica-
tion papers as we move
through each state? Or possi-
bly the hundreds of clean and
safe motels we would find
along the way that can pro-
vide temporary shelter? I
guess having thousands of
restaurants with varying cui-
sine from around the world is
just
not
good
enough.
Or could it be that when
we wreck our car, emergency
workers show up and provide
services to help all involved.
Whether you are rich or poor
they treat your wounds; and
even, if necessary, send a
helicopter to take you to a
hospital.
And one of 70 percent of
Americans own a home.
They may be upset with
knowing that in the unfortu-
nate case of a fire, a group of
trained firefighters will appear
in moments and use top-
notch equipment to extin-
guish the flames, thus saving
them, their family and their
belongings.
Or if, while at home
watching one of many flat-
screen TVs, a burglar or
prowler intrudes, an officer
equipped with a gun and a
bullet-proof vest will come to
defend you and your family
against attack or loss. This all
in the backdrop of a
neighborhood free of bombs
or militias raping and
pillaging the residents.
Neighborhoods where 90
percent of teen-agers own
cell phones and computers.
How about the complete
religious, social and political
freedoms we enjoy
that are the envy of everyone
in the world? Maybe that is
what has 67 percent of folks
unhappy.
Fact is, we are the largest
group of ungrateful, spoiled
brats
the
world
has ever seen. No wonder the
world loves the United States,
yet has a great disdain for its
citizens. They see us for what
we are: The most blessed
p e o p l e
i n
the world who do nothing but
complain about what we don't
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POSTMASTER: Please send address changes to
P.O. Box 1370, Cave Junction OR 97523
Outback Septic Services
Servicing The Illinois Valley Exclusively
If it has been 5 years or longer since you last
pumped your septic tank-Now is the time to
set your appointment before the rain starts. Cost is
$300.00 for a 1,000 gallon tank with an exposed lid.
Additional Costs:
Dig & Expose Lid Minimal $50.00 Charge
Emergency Call Out Fee $100.00
have, and what we hate about
the country instead of thank-
ing the good Lord that we live
here.
I know, I know. What
about the president who took
us into war and has no
plan to get us out? The presi-
dent who has a measly 31
percent approval rating? Is
this the same president who
guided the nation in the dark
days after 9/11?
The president who cut
taxes to bring an economy out
of recession? Could this be the
same guy who has been called
every name in the book for
succeeding in keeping all the
spoiled brats safe from terror-
ist attacks? The commander-
in-chief of an all-volunteer
army out there defending you
and me?
Make no mistake about
it. The troops in Iraq and Af-
ghanistan have volunteered to
serve, and in many cases may
have died for our freedom.
There is currently no
draft in this country. They
didn’t have to go. They
are able to refuse to go and
end up with either a “general”
d is ch ar g e,
an
'“other-than-honorable” dis-
charge or, worst case sce-
nario, a “dishonorable'“ dis-
Uncle
Billy’s
Diner
Sundays, Mondays,
Tuesdays 8 a.m. - 2 p.m.
Wednesdays through
Saturdays 8 a.m. - 7 p.m.
Riverside Physical Therapy
Full Rehabilitation
Services:
*Physical Therapy
*Occupational Therapy
*Anodyne therapy
TWO LOCATIONS
TO SERVE YOU
Cave Junction Office
218N. Redwood Hwy.
(541) 592-6580
Grants Pass Office
1619 N.W. Hawthorne Ave.
Suite 109
(541) 476-2502
Jeff Wood, M.S., P.T.
Luz Moore Presents:
Low-Income Housing Workshop
Friday, February 9, 5:30 to 7 p.m. in the
Cave Junction City Hall Council Chambers.
Financing is available
for up to 100% of
value with no down
payment required for
purchase of a new or
existing home in rural
areas. Eligibility
based on household
size, income, credit
history, & debt to
income ratio.
Sponsored by:
Depending on household income,
mortgage payments may be
subsidized to a low as 1% interest.
Eligibility requirements & area
income limits will be discussed at
the workshop.
Those needing help with credit
scores should attend the Credit
Repair Workshop.
Guest Speakers:
Bret Dixon, Area Director of
Luz Moore
the United States Depart-
ment of Agriculture
with
Susan Cherry
Century 21,
(541) 592-6307
charge after a few days in the
brig.
So why then the flat-out
discontentment in the minds
of 69 percent of Americans?
Say what you want, but I
blame it on the major media.
If it bleeds, it leads, and they
specialize in bad news. Eve-
rybody will watch a car
crash with blood and guts.
How many will watch kids
selling lemonade at the
corner?
The media know this,
and media outlets are for-
profit corporations. They
offer what sells, and when
criticized, try to defend their
actions by “justifying” them
in one way or another. Just
ask why they tried to allow a
man like O.J. Simpson to
write a book and do a TV
special about how he
didn’t kill his wife, but if he
did. Insane
People should stop buy-
ing the negative venom they
are fed everyday by the me-
dia. Shut off the TV, burn
“Newsweek,” and use the
“New York Times” for the
bottom of the bird cage.
Then start being grate-
ful for all we have as a
country. There is exponen-
tially more good than bad.
Harris & Taylor
Seating is limited.
For registration, call
(541) 415-1961