Page 2
Illinois Valley News, Cave Junction, OR Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Bob’s Corner
Every year, English teachers from across the country
can submit their collections of actual analogies and meta-
phors found in high school essays. Here are last year’s
winners:
*Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its
two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
*His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and break-
ing alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
*He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from
experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked
at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pin-
hole in it and now goes around the country speaking at
high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar
eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
*She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli,
and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
*She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that
sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
*Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
*He was as tall as a 6-foot, 3-inch tree.
*The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had dis-
integrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude
shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
*The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly
the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
*McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a
Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
*From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole
scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on
vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7
p.m. instead of 7:30.
*Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a
sneeze.
*The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like
maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
*Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers
raced across the grassy field toward each other like two
freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. trav-
eling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a
speed of 35 mph.
*They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with
picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
*John and Mary had never met. They were like two
hummingbirds who had also never met.
*He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant,
and she was the East River.
*Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a
steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had
rusted shut.
*Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
*The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But
unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
*The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you
get from not eating for a while.
*He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical
lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame,
maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
*The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and ex-
tended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire
hydrant.
*It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing
kids around with power tools.
*He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought
he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
New
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illinois-valley-news.com
Letters to the Editor
(Editor’s Note: Views and
commentary, including state-
ments made as fact, are strictly
those of the letter-writers.)
* * *
Typed, double-spaced let-
ters written solely to this news-
paper are considered for publi-
cation. Hand-written letters that
are double-spaced and legible
also can be considered.
‘Thank you’ submissions
are not accepted as letters.
* * *
Concern expressed
about crime injury
From J.T. Doyle
Selma
As a retired law enforce-
ment officer, I have been
watching with some interest
the antics of the thugs and
punks in and around Cave
Junction.
There seems to be a lot
of anger brewing. It strikes
me that it will not be too long
before either a merchant is
injured or killed; or the same
for those who dabble in
crime.
It’s just a thought and
maybe a word to the wise, but
I’ve seen it happen elsewhere.
And once it happens, the
situation seems to escalate.
Dog ‘Joey’ is dead;
family ‘heartbroken’
From Olga, Ron, Jonathan,
Sawyer, Courtney & Kitty
Christianson
Cave Junction
One of our neighbors in
the 5000 block of Caves
Hwy. decided it was OK to
shoot our family dog, “Joey,”
who was known to most peo-
ple as the “happiest dog in the
world.”
Even the UPS driver said
that. Our youngest son found
“Joey” six years ago aban-
doned in our woods, just 5 or
6 weeks old. Joey always
seemed grateful, and just
plain happy to be alive, one
of the best dogs we’ve ever
had.
The evening we found
him in his bed, bleeding pro-
fusely from his upper thigh,
there was evidence of (a
blood trail) coming from a
neighbor’s house. Joey had
basically dragged himself
home.
Being a Friday night
after hours, we had to go all
the way to Medford to find
someone to look at him. All
we wanted was to get him
help so we could bring him
home to heal. The damage
was too great, and we were
forced to make the only deci-
sion we could make, to end
his suffering and put him
down.
“Joey” wasn’t known to
run off to other people’s
property, but a young pit bull
mix had been to our home
visiting him, and “Joey” ap-
parently followed this
neighbor’s pit bull from our
house to their’s.
We would never have
considered taking the life of
this visiting dog on our prop-
erty, but we did consider find-
Illinois Valley News
Corrections
An Independent Weekly Newspaper Co-owned and published by Robert R. (Bob) and
Jan Rodriguez - Bob Rodriguez, Editor El Jefe
Entered as second class matter June 11, 1937 at Post Office as Official Newspaper for
Josephine County and Josephine County Three Rivers School District, published at
321 S. Redwood Hwy., Cave Junction, OR 97523
Periodicals postage paid at Cave Junction, OR 97523
Post Office Box 1370 USPS 258-820
Telephone (541) 592-2541, FAX (541) 592-4330
Email: newsroom1@frontiernet.net or
newsdesk@illinois-valley-news.com
Volume 69, No. 18
Staff: Michelle Binker, Bryan Harley, Tabitha Jackson, Zina Booth,
Millie Watkins, and Tina Grow
Member: Oregon Newspaper Publishers Association
*A page 16 story on
Clouser Drilling in the July
12, 2006 issue mistakenly
stated that “Gill and Law-
rence are licensed and
bonded.” To be correct, the
sentence should have read,
“Kevin Gill and Chuck Gill
are licensed and bonded
well-drillers.”
*There were some er-
rors in a page 1 story,
“Burglars beware!” in the
July 12, 2006 issue. To set
the record straight: David
Prince was not in Perfect
Pizza Plus at the time of the
burglary; his brother,
Daniel, was. Additionally, in
the first robbery, the tip jar
was stolen, but in the second
attempt a neighbor with a
flashlight foiled the bur-
glars. And it was during the
third break-in that soft
drinks were stolen and sus-
pects were caught.
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P.O. Box 1370, Cave Junction, OR 97523
ing the owner and speaking
with them. Had our neighbor
made the effort to speak with
us, we would still have our
“Joey.”
We hope this neighbor
that took our pet from us sees
that this was a very hurtful
thing he has done to our dog
and his family.
People with guns have
taken three members of our
family from us: first my own
father, and now our second
family dog. Whichever
neighbor used his shotgun, he
has broken our hearts yet one
more time.
‘A local solution
to a global problem’
From Tim Norman
Cave Junction
It is well documented
where I stand, as far as the
timber issues in this commu-
nity, in this state, in this coun-
try, and on this planet.
I have gotten some looks
from people who, let’s just
say, disagree with my beliefs
and my way of thinking. I see
a lot of animosity on both
sides of this debate. What we
have to realize is that we are
all in the same predicament.
The reason that there is
even a debate is that of the
level of timber being har-
vested. It is being harvested
to feed an industry that could
not care less about the envi-
ronment or the people that
live there, including those
doing the labor which bear
the corporate fruits.
We are entering pro-
tected, roadless areas so that
the logs can go to Texas to be
either sold out of corporate
yards or, at even a higher rate,
being exported to Japan.
Sure, people get paid for
their labor, but with money
that is spent to buy things that
are mass-produced in some
industrial complex. Poverty is
easy to create in this type of
system. Prices are set to ac-
quire from those who have
abundance. Any person who
turns in an honest day’s work
knows that “honest living”
and “abundance” could serve
as antonyms.
We grind each day to
feed the machine that feeds
the few. We struggle to keep
up. The poverty line goes up.
The middle class shrinks to
oblivion. We become desper-
ate enough that we support
the very thing that is the
cause of our despair.
My mother had a friend,
Mary Bull, in the Bay Area,
and I invite everyone to meet
her. She has an idea that is so
simple it will have you
knocking on your head:
Work to supply local
consumers. Think locally not
corporately. Create a commu-
nity built toward sovereignty.
If our trees that we har-
vested went strictly to local
mills, we wouldn’t have to
harvest at the level that is a
present goal. We could work
the very thing that Lynda
Vanderlinden was trying to
point out in a past letter to the
editor in the “I.V. News.” As
a community, we would be
happier and more productive.
Those with questions
regarding what I’m talking
about, or even if you think
I’m crazy and feel that -- “It
will never work!” -- can at-
tend a presentation of the
concept followed by an open
forum where their voices can
be heard.
The presentation will be
held Sunday, July 23 at 6 p.m.
at the Community Media &
Educational Center, 140-C S.
Redwood Hwy. in Cave Junc-
tion. There will be a potluck
dinner and lots of enlighten-
ment. The center is upstairs in
the two-story building across
the street from the former
Select Market.
Abiding in Vine lauded;
Sugars petitions revisited
From J. ‘Kalvyn’ Evans
Cave Junction
I don’t like letters to the
editor that go back and forth
forever. Abiding in The Vine
wrote a response to mine, and
I simply want to make a
slight correction.
My letter to the editor
was a while in the making,
plus I missed a deadline. That
is why my letter appeared so
much later after the petitions.
The kids tagging fake
names onto the petitions were
not mothers writing the
names of their children. They
were teen-agers who were
obliviously making up names.
Beyond that, I don’t want to
point fingers, because I’m not
trying to get anyone in trou-
ble. I only brought it up be-
cause I wanted it to be known
that the 600-name statistic
was slightly inaccurate.
I still commend the Vine
for its effort in circulating the
letters, because I think any-
one should have the right to
speak their opinions. I just felt
that the way these kids were
wantonly abusing it was
rather shameful.
I also would like to give
the Vine a big thumbs up for
its new outdoor theater pro-
ject. In my last letter, I men-
tioned that everybody seemed
to be complaining, and wait-
ing for someone else to do
something about it.
But, while everybody
else sat back and complained,
the Vine made an effort to
actually provide the family
entertainment that everyone
said we need more of. I com-
mend the owners.
She praises God
for her healing
From Rasha Smith
Cave Junction
On June 19, I was to be-
gin radiation treatment for my
(Continued on page 3)
In the Service
Pvt. Michael John Murphy
U.S. Army Pvt. Michael John Murphy, first grandson of
O’Brien residents Clifford & Maureen Johann, will deploy to
Iraq on Sept. 10, 2006.
He is to arrive in Illinois
Valley on Friday, July 21
for a short visit with his
family and friends. He is the
son of Susan C. Avril, of
O’Brien, daughter of the
Johanns; and Dennis Paul
Murphy, of California.
Relatives include the
soldier’s uncle, John Jo-
hann, and his sons, Jeremy,
Jonathan and Jordan, all of
O’Brien.
Pvt. Murphy graduated
from Canyon High School
in Santa Clarita, Calif. A
military gunner, he most
recently was at Fort Carson, Colo. with the 759th Military
Police Battalion. His current duty station is Fort Knox, Ky.
The family said that they and his friends “are proud of
him and support him on his decision to join the Army and
serve his country.”
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