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Illinois Valley News, Cave Junction, OR Wednesday, July 7, 2004
Recently watched several episodes of an older
black-and-white TV series about a railroad detective.
They were interesting in an Old West sort of way.
Except that the hero was beaten in three episodes by
the bad guys, and in each case his wounds were ex-
actly the same. I thought that was a cheap-out way of
saving money. Then, despite his bleeding wounds,
they disappeared about two minutes later, and he was
OK again. Weird.
And, speaking of Westerns, what about those in
which the cowpokes ride into town after being on the
trail for a year or two. Apparently they stopped at the
town coin-operated laundry before entering the near-
est saloon, because their clothes are neither dirty nor
dusty. Plus, their hair and faces are clean too. Can’t
figure that one out. Maybe they fell in a river?
All this reminds me of when I used to see movies
in theaters instead of in the comfort of our home. And
it brings to mind a cartoon wherein a guy complains
to the refreshment stand worker that it’s outrageous to
have to pay $4.50 for a small sack of popcorn. The
worker replies, “Hey, look. The movie you’re going
to see cost $150 million, and you only paid 5 bucks
for a ticket.”
Moving right along: Although not of Vulcan ex-
tract, my ears still function well, but I find that many
of the movies we rent have nearly indecipherable dia-
logue. In fact, we’ve reversed and rerun scenes in an
attempt to hear what was said, only to discover that
the actors are mumbling or swallowing their words.
Of course, having subtitles, preferably in English,
helps immeasurably. But not all movies have them,
especially older films. Which brings up a few
thoughts about a World War II British-made war story
we watched not long ago. It’s a good movie, although
at first I was worried it would be X-rated because I
misread the title as, “The Immoral Battalion.” Then I
discovered the real title, “The Immortal Battalion.”
It’s a good story about common men becoming
uncommon in the defense of their country. Although
we enjoyed the film, some of the dialogue is, well,
just too British to understand. Some examples:
*Five soldiers are in a living room, when their
commander enters. The commander says, “Hello men,
pansy greeting bleed fear.” And one of the men re-
plies, “Bloody swill mumble shower grim reaper.” I
think that’s what they said.
*Several soldiers are at a railroad station, and one
says, “Ribbon trimmin’ cobbler by George, scepter
beastly riptide.” A companion adds, “Fiddle riddle
cramping dog nose, witch hazel plausible stone with
marmosets.” Something like that.
If anyone has a British translation, I’d be grateful.
Also, there was a battle scene in which the same
building was blown up at least four times. I guess the
movie budget was tight, and so the same structure had
to serve. Either that, or there was a town with a whole
bunch of identical buildings.
Anyone for poppycock brandishing hot flash?
Illinois Valley News
An Independent Weekly Newspaper Co-owned and
published by Robert R. (Bob) and Jan Rodriguez
Bob Rodriguez, Editor El Jefe
Entered as second class matter June 11, 1937 at Post
Office as Official Newspaper for Josephine County and
Josephine County Three Rivers School District, published
at 321 S. Redwood Hwy., Cave Junction, OR 97523
Periodicals postage paid at Cave Junction, OR 97523
Post Office Box 1370 USPS 258-820
Telephone (541) 592-2541, FAX (541) 592-4330
Volume 66, No. 16
Staff: Cindy Newton, Chris Robertson,
Michelle Binker, Shane Welsh,
Becky Loudon & Kacy Clement
Member: Oregon Newspaper Publishers Association
DEADLINES:
News, Classified & Display Ads,
Announcements & Letters
3 P.M. FRIDAY
(Classified ads & uncomplicated display ads can be
accepted until Noon, Monday with an additional charge.)
POLICY ON LETTERS: ‘Illinois Valley News’ welcomes letters to
the editor provided they are of general interest, in good taste,
legible and not libelous. All letters must be signed, using
complete name, and contain the writer’s address and telephone
number. The latter need not be published, but will be used to
verify authenticity. The ‘News’ reserves the right to edit letters.
One letter per person per month. Letters are used at the discretion
of the publisher. Unpublished letters are neither acknowledged
nor returned. A prepaid charge may be levied if a letter is
inordinately long in the editor's opinion.
POLICY ON “HERE, THERE & EVERYWHERE”, DISPLAY & CLAS-
SIFIED ADS & NOTICES: All submissions must be hand delivered,
faxed or e-mailed to us for publication. Submissions must be re-
submitted each week if the item is to run for more than one week.
SUBSCRIPTION RATES
One year in Josephine County - $20.80
One year in Jackson and Douglas Counties - $24.40
One year in all other Oregon counties
and out-of-state - $28
POSTMASTER: Please send address changes to
P.O. Box 1370, Cave Junction, OR. 97523
(Editor’s Note: Views and
commentary expressed in let-
ters to the editor are strictly
those of the letter-writers.
* * *
Typed, double-spaced
letters are acceptable for con-
sideration. Handwritten letters
that are double-spaced and
highly legible also can be con-
sidered for publication.
Cards of thanks are not
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* * *
Moore recognition
From Dulcie Moore, sec-
retary, I.V. Little League
Cave Junction
On behalf of the Illi-
nois Valley Little League
(IVLL) Board of Directors
and the children of Illinois
Valley, we want to express
our appreciation to Sonny
Moore for his leadership,
vision and dedication to
IVLL.
Sonny has stepped
down as president of
IVLL, having served in
this capacity for the past
four years.
His vision and efforts
for the safety of our chil-
dren have brought many
changes. The infield at
Jubilee Park ball field has
been completely reno-
vated, and construction of
the two new dugouts is
near completion.
He can be seen early
Saturday mornings drag-
ging the field for the day
of games, and he is still
there after the last out is
made; putting away the
bases and equipment. If he
is not umpiring games, you
will find him working in
the snack shack.
Sonny has brought
recognition to our valley
by working to host the
Southern Oregon Junior &
Senior All-Star Tourna-
ment at Jubilee Park. This
year, we have fielded five
All-Star teams.
We also congratulate
Sonny for having been
honored as the 2004 Vol-
unteer of the Year for the
state of Oregon.
Peace?
From Charles Jacobs
Selma
I guess I will never
understand Christians,
even though I used to be
one. How can followers of
the Prince of Peace en-
dorse and support those
who advocate war and vio-
lence?
What is it about,
“Thou shall not kill,” that
is so confusing? Did not
Jesus say in the Sermon on
the Mount in Matthew 5:9,
“Blessed are the peace-
makers for they shall be
called the children of
God?” Did not Jesus also
state in Matthew 26:52,
“For they that take up the
sword shall perish by the
sword?”
If the Bible is the word
of God, then it should take
prominence over what any-
one else says. Why does
our country, which avows
to be Christian, follow
these warmongers when
the Prince of Peace tells us
not to?
Does it not seem
strange that so many
Christians would condemn
Bill Clinton for lying, then
follow a president who
condones killing tens of
thousands of people in a
war based on a lie - or fol-
low Arnold, who openly
brags about his affairs?
It seems rather confus-
ing to me how a group of
people can be so con-
cerned about the right to
life of the unborn, and then
believe in the death pen-
alty: the taking of a life.
I guess a person will
believe what they want to
regardless of what Jesus
tried to teach them. As my
grandma taught me, “A
man convinced against his
will is of the same opinion
still.” So let all the Chris-
tians follow their clerics. Is
this not what Islam does?
‘ELF fanatics’
From Lynne Vanderlinden
Cave Junction
Most people do real-
ize, I hope, that ELF (Eco-
Lunatic Fanatics) is basi-
cally a phantom entity
comprised of a website
master who keeps his per-
sonal hands clean when it
comes to torching or other-
wise destroying property
and livelihoods in the
name of (what else?) sav-
ing the Earth.
He doesn’t seek dona-
tions or membership, al-
though I have no doubt
many enviro groups tithe
to maintain the site and
stroke this geek’s ego.
The purpose of ELF is
to take the heat off those
groups which do whine for
donations and wish to keep
their acts of terrorism a
secret from those who
would not otherwise finan-
cially support them.
Actually, a brilliant
ploy: “Gee, you can’t
blame XYZ Project, be-
cause the spray paint says
‘ELF.’ We certainly don’t
condone those types of
actions.”
Greenpeace’s omnipo-
tent presence in our back-
yard obviously embold-
ened some of our local
trash to strut their Earth
First! stuff by recently
vandalizing logging equip-
ment on Grayback. Kind of
like a kid showing off to
his big brother.
By the way, the recent
diarrhea of “no salvage”
letters-by-rote are precipi-
GRANTS PASS SHOPPING CENTER- (541) 474-1060
Stores also in Medford and Roseburg
Open your eyes to your magnificence,
and limitless possibilities appear.
- Bruce Schneider -
(Continued on page 3)
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