Page 2
Illinois Valley News, Cave Junction, OR Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Several stupendous, wonderful ideas for this
week’s column entered my smiling, tattered brain.
Unfortunately (for me) they all left almost immedi-
ately through the extra holes in my head (fortunately
for you).
Be that as it might, I’m going to try using my
pocket notebook to keep track of such ideas. Because
it’s just too much trouble to dredge for new topics, so
to speak, (like dragging a river for a missing sack of
fish). Something like that.
I suppose this is as good a time as any to recall my
glory days in the San Diego Zoo, where I spent two
years in low gear. That’s right. Never could get my
delivery truck out of low gear because of the crowds;
not to mention the fact that the zoo roads are not de-
signed for high-speed traffic.
What was I doing there? Staring at girls mostly.
Or telling stupid jokes to my maniacal co-workers.
But really, my job was to keep filling the vending ma-
chines, all of which then sold stuff for 10-cents, ex-
cept for the cigarette machines. A pack of smokes
then cost 25-cents. That was a long time ago. I think
today you can’t even buy a dime for 10-cents, and
quarters cost even more.
At any rate (maybe 10-cents), it was a terrific job
for a young guy. I even became used to zoo visitors
refusing to yield the right-of-way to my Econoline
van. I was on urgent business with a load of Snickers,
½ pints of chocolate milk, and sacks of unshelled pea-
nuts. Who did they think those visitors think they
were? Pedestrians? Paying customers? Something like
that.
Those were the days when many people were un-
accustomed to using vending machines. Or at least
they acted as though they’d never seen one. We had to
give them advice on where to put the money, how to
set the dials, what handles to pull, and so on. The
chewing and smoking they could handle themselves.
Besides becoming a whiz at servicing vending
machines; muttering under my breath at people block-
ing my way; and telling dopey jokes, I also learned to
imitate certain sounds: the cry of peacocks; the vo-
calization of gecko lizards; the hoarse cry of seals; the
hooting of certain simian critters; the squawking of
various parrots. Plus I could walk like a gorilla, al-
though I might have already had that talent. Maybe
the hooting too.
Too bad the zoo expedition only lasted two years.
If the company I worked for had bothered to secure a
decent contract, I’d probably still be in the zoo. Some-
thing like that.
One of the most striking differences between a cat
and a lie is that the cat has only nine lives.
- Mark Twain -
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit
each other. Perhaps they should live next door and
just visit now and then.
- Katharine Hepburn -
Illinois Valley News
An Independent Weekly Newspaper Co-owned and
published by Robert R. (Bob) and Jan Rodriguez
Bob Rodriguez, Editor El Jefe
Entered as second class matter June 11, 1937 at Post
Office as Official Newspaper for Josephine County and
Josephine County Three Rivers School District, published
at 321 S. Redwood Hwy., Cave Junction, OR 97523
Periodicals postage paid at Cave Junction, OR 97523
Post Office Box 1370 USPS 258-820
Telephone (541) 592-2541, FAX (541) 592-4330
Volume 66, No. 4
Staff: Cindy Newton, Chris Robertson,
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Bush ‘dishonest’
From Lou Chauvin
Cave Junction
Recently, the Bush
cartel issued a statement
that the administration
“changed its policies to
address the terrorism prob-
lem, even before 9/11,”
claiming that the Bushites
“went from a policy of
swatting flies to putting al
Qaeda at the top of the
list.”
But a look at the re-
cord reveals yet another
dishonesty: In the face of
warnings before 9/11, the
administration
de-
e mph asiz ed co unter-
terrorism; never once con-
vene its own counter-
terrorism task force; and
threatened to veto efforts
to divert national missile
defense funds into counter-
terrorism.
It also delayed arming
the unmanned Predator
drone flying over Afghani-
stan; terminated a highly
classified program to
monitor al Qaeda suspects
in the U.S.; and attacked
previous administrations
for focusing too much on
Osama bin Laden.
It also rejected security
recommendations from the
government’s bipartisan
National Security Com-
mission; and downgraded
the counter-terrorism of-
fice (Clarke) within the
White House.
In fact, al Qaeda was
so low on this list of priori-
ties that neither Bush, Che-
ney or Rice never once,
according to unclassified
or declassified records,
uttered the terms “al
Qaeda” or “Osama bin
Laden” between the time
the Bush cartel took office
and 9/11.
‘Grace or law?’
From J.D. Freeman
Cave Junction
From Deuteronomy
25:13-16: “Thou shalt not
have in thy bag divers
weights, a great and a
small. Thou shalt not have
in thine house divers meas-
ures, a great and a small.
“But thou shalt have a
perfect and just weight, a
perfect and just measure
shalt thou have: that thy
days may be lengthened in
the land which the Lord
thy God giveth thee.”
I believe that this pas-
sage applies to life on
Earth, not in the hereafter.
To paraphrase:
You shall not have in
Elementary Schools
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Valley News’
321 S. Redwood Hwy.
592-2541
THURSDAY, APRIL 15
*Conference Day
No classes
FRIDAY, APRIL 16
*Conference Day
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MONDAY, APRIL 19
*Chicken nuggets,
hamburger, cheese pizza,
peanut butter & jelly
sandwich, chef salad
TUESDAY, APRIL 20
*Beef teriyaki dippers,
cheeseburger, pepperoni
pizza, ham & cheese
sandwich, garden salad
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 21
*Corn dog, hamburger,
cheese pizza, tuna salad
sandwich, Cobb salad
your purse false money.
The paper “dollar” today is
not a true dollar. One dol-
lar equals 371.25 grains of
pure silver.
Quarters and dimes
should be made of silver.
They are not. They are
made of copper, coated to
look like silver. They are
nothing but false money,
slugs of base metal.
Does the above pas-
sage from the Bible sound
like it applies only to the
hereafter? I think not. I
believe that it applies to
our lives here on Earth.
And this is only one
tiny part of what is not be-
ing taught.
Hosea 4:6 reads, “My
people are destroyed for
lack of knowledge; be-
cause thou hast rejected
knowledge, I will also re-
ject thee, that thou shalt be
no priest to me: seeing
thou hast forgotten the law
if thy God, I will also re-
ject thy children.”
‘Lemonade stand’
From Dave Toler
Cave Junction
Like a soaring helium
balloon that reluctantly
succumbs to gravity, some
things are inevitable, even
here in Illinois Valley.
It was bound to hap-
pen. As sure as the de-
scending balloon, the law
of supply and demand was
bound to hit home, even if
it’s Illinois Valley.
If you’ve lived here
20, 30 or 40 years, it might
be difficult to imagine that
the valley could actually
be a place where people
who are financially better
off are actually yearning to
be. After all, this is a com-
munity that has possessed
one of the lowest house-
hold median incomes on
the entire West Coast for
more than 40 years.
But like gravity, the
law of supply and demand
will eventually have its
way. The only question
remaining: How are we
going to respond?
I learned firsthand
about that law when I was
a kid. I noticed that my
best days in the lemonade
stand business came on
hot, sultry days when my
competitor, Jason, was not
on the corner down the
street doing the same
thing. The demand was
strong; the supply was lim-
ited. Business was good.
A few things I didn’t
learn. Despite rising de-
mand and less supply, I
kept selling my lemonade
at a rock bottom price. I
was so excited that people
(Continued on page 3)
‘Chili today, hot tamale’
Linda Oncay’s (right) chili concoction was chosen ‘The
Best’ on Saturday, April 10 during the eighth annual
Chili Cook-Off at Carlos’ Restaurante in Downtown
Cave Junction. Morris McCaslin’s (left) offering re-
ceived the People’s Choice award, and honorable men-
tion went to Joe Williams (not shown). It was Oncay’s
third victory. Other entrants were ‘Tubb’ Madden, Gary
Price, Maureen Connolly, Lisa Bond and Bob Rodri-
guez. Judges were Harold Harrup, Kathaleen Ponder,
Michael Yanase and Pat Sculley. All entrants received
Carlos’ eighth-annual cook-off baseball caps. The top
two winners’ caps include the word, ‘Champ.’
CJ woman, son said unhurt
in Hwy. 199 roll-over crash
A Cave Junction resi-
dent and her young son
were reported basically
uninjured following a roll-
over accident on Hwy. 199
near the California border
at approximately 11 p.m.
on Sunday, April 11.
A northbound Ford
pickup truck driven by
Jenny Peters, who works
for Oregon Caves Chev-
ron, went out of control
and crashed upside-down
when she swerved to miss
a deer. Illinois Valley Fire
District and American
Medical Response re-
sponded to the scene and
assisted Peters and her son,
Dennis, 5.
She was said to be half
in-half out of the vehicle in
a ditch, but extrication was
not required.
(Editor’s Note: Informa-
tion for the preceding story
came from I.V. Fire District
and Oregon Caves Chevron.)
1-541-476-2127
Avoiding tobacco use is the single most-important
step to take to reduce cancer risk. Tobacco use
causes approximately 30 percent (169,000) of all
cancer deaths in the United States each year.
Cigarette smoking is responsible for nearly all cases
of lung cancer. It also is linked to cancers of the
mouth, larynx, esophagus, stomach, pancreas, kidney
and bladder. Pipe smoke, cigars and smokeless
tobacco also can cause cancer.
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