Healthy Family Healthy Child Program: Like father, like son as role models
By Megan Morley, HFHCP Social
Service Advocate
In many ways, the parent/guardian-
child relationship is a very complex
one and among the complexities is the
occurrence of role-modeling. It is said
that the parent or guardian is the child’s
first teacher; knowing this, it would make
sense that a parent’s behaviors would
mold the child into his or her adulthood.
How much of this parental modeling
do children really take with them as they
grow? In our last article, I researched and
wrote about the impacts of yelling at and
around our children. In this article, we
will go into the process of role-modeling
and the ways it can affect our children.
In our society we hear many common
sayings around role-modeling, including,
“Like father (mother), like son (daugh-
ter),” “Do as I say, not as I do,” even
“Practice what you preach.” Which one
of these should one follow as a parent?
In this article, I will present several
ways in which role-modeling to our
children can have a tremendous affect
on their outcome to adult life. We will
look further into the ways in which chil-
dren may or may not pick up on several
behaviors. These behaviors can shape a
child’s outlook on life and consciously
or subconsciously help him or her make
decisions for better or for worse.
Psychology
A child’s psychology feels the impact
of the child’s environment. That is, if one
believes children are “little scientists,”
like the cognitive developmental theorist
Jean Piaget might say, and that nature and
nurture each play a significant part in a
child’s development.
If one believes this to be true, it would
seem reasonable to assume that a child’s
outlook on life can be developed by the
child’s observations and interactions with
one’s parental figure(s).
In the study Linking People’s Pursuit
of Eudaimonia and Hedonia with Char-
acteristics of Their Parents: Parenting
Styles, Verbally Endorsed Values and
Role Modeling, developed by Veronika
Huta, the idea of role modeling and devel-
oping a child’s way of living is displayed
by measuring a sample of children to
determine if their parents made an impact
by teaching them to be eudaimonic (one
who seeks to develop ways to improve
oneself) or to be hedonic (one who seeks
enjoyment, comfort and pleasure) both
leading to happy, healthy lifestyles.
This study found that parents who
were highly responsive and consistent with
rules had children who were more likely to
have a eudaimonic view. The study conse-
quently found that parents who physically
modeled eudaimonia had children who
grew up seeking to make themselves better
and parents who physically modeled hedo-
nia had children who displayed well-being
to find enjoyment in their life.
This study displays just one example
in which a parent’s psychological outlook
can help lead his or her children to a
greater well-being. Once these psycho-
logical ideas are developed in a child, it
is very hard to stray from them.
SAVE THE DATE
When: April 4, 2013
Registration Check-in: 9 a.m.
Activities: 10 a.m. until 3 p.m.
Where: Chinook Winds Casino
All Tribal Elders and spouse OR care giver
have been invited to the Annual Circle of
Friendship Siletz Tribal Elders Honor Day.
No children and families please.
Honor day will provide:
Luncheon, Bingo, Door
Prizes, Goodie Bags and
Entertainment
Registration due by Feb. 28, 2013
8
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Siletz News
•
March 2013
The same idea can be seen, unfortu-
nately, in negative ways as well. This may
be one cause for those who may have been
abused as a child who try to seek out a part-
ner who shares similar abusive qualities as
their parent or guardian, as it is routine
and comfortable in the person’s psyche.
Relationships
Another major aspect to parental
role-modeling is relationships, including
modeling of communication, aggression
and relationship adjustment.
The study Parents’ Marital Status,
Conflict and Role Modeling: Links with
Adult Romantic Relationship Quality
found that children with married parents
later developed relationships that were
high in relationship adjustment, high in
dedication, low in negative communica-
... parental
substance abuse
was a big indicator
in predicting if
children would
become substance
abusers in their
own adulthood.
tion and low in physical aggression com-
pared to those parents who never married.
This displays that parents who can model
a healthy relationship can inherently teach
their children the same.
Interestingly, the study also shows
that children of parents who were married
but have divorced also showed higher lev-
els of relationship adjustment and lower
levels of physical aggression than those
whose parents were never married.
It was also found, however, that
although those children whose parents
never married showed the lowest relation-
ship quality, those children with divorced
parents claimed their adult relationships
as being the most conflictual and to have
viewed their parents’ relationship as being
a bad relationship model.
The impact of parental role modeling
of relationships can influence how those
parents’ children build their own relation-
ships, not just romantically but in every
other relationship they have with another
person. This is an occurrence that can be
completely molded by the relationship the
parent has with the rest of the family, his
or her friends and with the child.
A child can learn to be passive,
aggressive or in-between. The child can
grow into an adult who is very good at
communicating by learning to watch his
or her parents and the ways in which they
handle themselves in various situations.
Children also can learn negative rela-
tionship characteristics through watching
their parents, such as children who come
from families with domestic violence.
According to the text Adults with Wit-
nessing Histories: The Overlooked Vic-
tims of Domestic Violence, children who
were in families where domestic violence
occurred have been known to experience
depression and anxiety, lowered self-
concept, aggression, cognitive distortions,
impaired social competence, school-
related problems, somatic problems and
post-traumatic symptoms.
Some children even pick up on these
abusive characteristics themselves as
adults from living in a violent home and
these characteristics become a part of their
own adult home. These children develop
a reduced sense of interpersonal function-
ing and in these relationships it is often
found that the child who witnessed abuse
will develop mistrust, low self-esteem,
fear of abandonment and anger.
While developing, a child can absorb
the nature of the household and these
things are difficult to change once in
place in the child’s mind. Even prior to
childbirth, children can be affected by
the relationship of the parents and those
around the pregnant mother.
In traditional Native ways, it was said
that a mother ought not to be angry or
stressed as these characteristics are sure to
become prominent in the expectant child
after childbirth. Parents teach their children
how they should be treated and how others
are to be treated by their own relation-
ships. This could be a very beautiful and
positive thing or it could be disastrous.
Life Choices
Alcohol and drugs in parental role
modeling can sometimes feel like a never-
ending battle within the psyche of a parent
and what is best for the children.
Some parents, especially those deep
into using alcohol and drugs, may state
that consuming alcohol and drugs in the
presence of their children, or even just in
the same home, is not damaging because
it directly affects the parent and not the
child. Unfortunately, this idea is inaccu-
rate. Because the parent is the child’s pri-
mary teacher, when a parent or a guardian
is involved in these behaviors the chances
of children partaking in similar behaviors
as adults is dramatically heightened.
The study Disparate Outcomes for
Adjudicated Delinquent Youths found that
parents abusing substances is a family-
level risk factor that increases the chances
that a child will engage in delinquent
behaviors. It is also stated that children
in homes where substance abuse occurs
are more likely to experience inadequate
parental supervision and support, and
there are more parenting disruptions, such
as child removal, rehabilitation, etc.
An additional study titled Childhood
Predictors of Adult Substance Abuse
also found that parental substance abuse
was a big indicator in predicting if chil-
dren would become substance abusers
in their own adulthood. Interestingly,
it was also found that males are more
likely than females to abuse substances,
as females are more likely to be more
socially mature.
This same article also explained that
families that display frequent conflict and
are involved with child protective services
are another predictor of a child abusing
substances as an adult.
Health Family,
See Healthy
con’t on next page.