Training provides new ways to engage clients, improve communication
By Kyanna Fisher
The 477 Self-Sufficiency Program,
Indian Child Welfare, Siletz Tribal Voca
tional Rehabilitation Program and the
Healthy Family Healthy Child Project
attended a three-day training at Chinook
Winds Casino Resort with Dr. Geni
Cowan on case management and motiva
tional interviewing and a one-day class
on relaxation, positive focus and basic
stretching with Angelica Rose in May.
Dr. Cowan put the training par
ticipants into small groups, where they
worked hands-on with the skills and tech
niques she was teaching through intensive
group roll play and demonstration.
She is known for providing profes
sional development on human services,
case management curriculum and provid
ing training on substance abuse, child wel
fare and family violence to social workers,
human services managers/supervisors
and community-based human services
organizations.
Lisa Rilatos, Tribal services specialist
in Siletz, said she learned some great new
interviewing techniques.
Rose offered participants a four-hour
class on inspirational relaxation and basic
stretching, where they learned great ways
to introduce themselves and relieve stress
with breathing and stretching. She had
each participant introduce themselves,
name a piece of wisdom passed down and
give one another a compliment.
“My favorite part of the relaxation
day was how we began the class,” said
Jamie Mason, Tribal services specialist
in Portland. “I thought it was a good way
to introduce each other and boost one
another’s confidence. Even though we
already knew each other, I felt that it made
us know one another on a different level.”
As a big thank you to both present
ers, each was given a beautiful glass float
donated by Chinook Winds, which we
also would like to thank for its wonderful
hospitality and amazing food.
Courtesy photos from Kyanna Fisher
Angelica Rose receives a glass float
from Shannon Cook-Wright (above).
Participants (right) in the training include
(back row) Joshua Morrow, Kurtis Barker,
Anna Renville, Dr. Geni Cowan, Shannon
Cook-Wright, Marcus Butler, Shannon
Chrisman, Teresa Ueland and Andrew
Johanson; and (front row) Misty Moceikis,
Jennifer Most, Mary Haidar, Jamie Mason,
Arlissa Rhoan, Lisa Brown and Kyanna
Fisher. Not pictured: Shawna Henarie,
Mark Kimball and Lisa Rilatos.
July notes from the Healthy Family Healthy Child Project
By Mark Kimball, Project Manager
Over the past several months, this
space has attempted to suggest ways you
could improve your relationship with your
children. I hope you feel these articles
have helped you grow as a person and as
a parent.
If you have devoted any time or effort
to improving your relationship with your
children, using this series of articles as a
guideline, you have realized that the path
is not an easy one. I am sure you have felt
discouraged. Initiating change is not an
easy process, especially when applying
principles found in a monthly article. I
recognize the difficulty and applaud any
efforts that you might have made.
Initiating change is never an easy
process - for anyone. We tend to think of
change, growth and learning as a diagonal
line - “onward and upward” - when new
learning progresses actually are more like
the incoming tide - we move forward,
then retreat, move forward more and
then again fall back. The falling back is
discouraging if we don’t realize that when
we move forward, we are a little ahead of
where we were previously.
The process can be very discouraging
and it’s very important to set realistic goals
when trying to change how you interact
with your children. Discouragement can
be avoided by setting realistic goals.
Take small steps. Do not expect the
beds to be made perfectly, the dishes to
be spotless or things to run smoothly all
the time. At times, your children may
choose new behaviors to test you. You are
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dealing with human beings and they will
make mistakes.
You must have the courage to be
imperfect and allow them to be imperfect
too. If you can accept and, with a sense
of humor, understand your own errors,
you will be free to accept the errors of
your children.
Optimism is based on a sense of per
sonal worth and identity that goes beyond
one’s role as a parent. You need to take
an inventory of your assets and establish
who you are.
You probably are effective at your
work, have friends and get along reason
ably well with members of the opposite
sex. What are some other things you value
about yourself? Your patience, sense of
humor, capacity for friendship, loyalty,
kindness, concern for others? You prob
ably can add to this list.
Many parents struggle with one of
the principles I have suggested, the idea
of equality for all members of the family.
Many parents have a great deal of diffi
culty accepting this idea.
They are reluctant to give up their
position as rulers of their own households.
In effect, however, in many households
authoritarian parents already have “given
up the throne,” with the result that the real
rulers of the house are the children.
The equality I urge is, in a sense, a
statement of the rights of both parents
and children. This model is designed to
free you from the yoke of servitude to
your children and to restore your rights in
the family. In this process your children
July 2011
will experience their responsibilities and
their rights.
Another principle I have stressed is
that to improve yourself as a parent, you
must be willing to change. You also must
believe that procedures are available to
help you become a more effective parent.
In our attempt to influence others to
change their behavior, we must accept
the fact that the only tool to which we
have direct access is our own behavior.
Once we accept that our purpose is not
to change other people, we are ready
to take responsibility for ourselves and
accept others as they are. Acceptance of
personal responsibility is a basic principle
for personal growth (maturity) and for
improving all human relationships.
By changing our own behavior, we
can influence our children to change. Our
changed behavior is no longer reinforcing
our children’s mistaken goals. If they can
not achieve their goals of attention, power,
revenge or display of inadequacy, they will
give them up and become more cooperative.
A word about expectations - remem
ber the influence of both positive and
negative expectations. If you believe
your children will disappoint you or not
perform, they probably will “live down”
to your expectations. Expect that they will
cooperate and accept any good effort and
they will be more likely to try.
Accepting their efforts encourages
them, improves your relationship and
builds their feelings of worth as well as
your own. When you no longer feel you
have to criticize and point out mistakes,
you will be free to love and value others.
By valuing and encouraging your chil
dren, you will get in touch with your own
strengths too.
How do I cope with criticism? It’s
natural that you will hear criticism of your
new methods. When it happens, you may
feel defensive and want to tell the critic
the “right” way to raise children or you
may be tempted to give in at the expense
of your children.
Defensive reactions indicate that
one’s feelings of personal worth are at
stake. When one’s personal worth is
threatened, errors in judgment can follow.
If other adults do criticize your new
methods, keep in mind they may be
expressing their own insecurities (if they
really felt secure, why would they feel a
need to criticize you in the first place?).
When you receive criticism, call on
your new communication skills. Through
reflective listening, indicate to your critic
that you understand his or her feelings.
Through I-messages, let the person know
how you feel. If appropriate, seek agree
ment. While you remain friendly with
your critic, maintain your firmness about
what you intend to do.
As a parent, you must come to under
stand that your emotions have a purpose
behind them. Have you ever been in a
heated argument, then suddenly answered
the door in a calm, pleasant manner? All
of us can do it. This shows that we really
See Notes, con’t on next page