6 Spring 2011 Applegater
APPLEGATE OUTBACK: MY OPINION
World War III
By BoB FisCHEr
Let it be known
throughout the Apple-
gate Valley (at least on
my property) that the
common gopher and
mole have been added
to the endangered spe-
cies list. My peaceful
13 acres has become
a battlefield. It is man versus gopher and
mole. Human intelligence pitted against
animal instinct, modern technology against
primitive rodent behavior.
I shall overcome. I shall adapt and
claim victory in the end! This whole conflict
started last November. The gophers were
partying in our south pasture. The moles
were sucking on worms in the garden. Then
it happened: the moles pushed up mounds
of earth in my front yard. The gophers did
the same, but tossed in a few rocks for good
measure. Little did I know that ignoring
them was a big mistake—they were digging
bunkers. Mashing the mounds with my
boots, leveling the earth and raking only
brought on more enemy trenches. The
defiling work of those subterranean diggers
erupted almost daily.
This gentleman’s war turned ugly.
I resolved to gain the upper hand in the
conflict. First, I purchased traps in assorted
sizes. I modified a push lawnmower by put-
ting a long metal tube into the exhaust; I
bought gopher bombs and highway flares.
I had an enormous amount of gear and red-
painted stakes to help locate the bunkers in
the high grass.
I outfitted my lawn tractor (my
tank) and trailer to haul the stuff. The wife
swore I went off
the deep end
when I put my
camouflage
hunting clothes,
complete with
side arm. General Patton would have been
proud. I had to dig enormous holes to set
the traps but the moles simply tunneled
around them showing their contempt with
fresh dirt piles. I tried poison but they
tossed it out like three-week-old bread.
My next mode of attack was gas. I
brought my sputtering old mower into the
battle. I pumped the exhaust into as many
holes as I could find. The area took on the
appearance of a geothermal tourist attrac-
tion with wisps of caustic fumes belching
forth from the earth. Earthworms writhed
to the surface in panic.
It was a thorough routing. The
enemy fled in panic from the field. For a
time that is. A week later they returned
while I was in a therapy session for Post-
Traumatic Stress Syndrome and resumed
their work. I envisioned them wearing
little ear plugs and gas masks to mock me
with fresh mole turnpikes zigzagging across
my patchy grass.
Winter has set in; all is quiet on the
western front. Traps are put away. My tank
is in the barn. Camey’s are hung. The score
is........17 gophers and 6 moles. The moles
and gophers and I will fight again, I am
sure. Maybe by June I will have enough
fur to make the wife a coat—her birthday
is coming!
Bob Fischer • 541-846-6218
Disaster Preparedness Area
Workshops Planned
If a wildfire strikes in the Applegate Valley do you know what you
will do with your livestock? Where will you take them and how will you get
them there? What about your pets? Have you thought about the landscape
around your home and what you can do to minimize the damage from a
wildfire? These are important questions and information to assist you in
preparing to protect your homes, your pets, your livestock and yourselves
is coming to you!
The Oregon Department of Forestry (ODF) and the Applegate Ani-
mal Disaster Preparedness Committee are hosting free community workshops
this spring to discuss the issues surrounding disaster preparedness.
The first workshop was held last month at Pacifica in Williams and
involved ODF, Oregon State University Extension staff, Williams Fire
Department volunteers and members from the Animal Disaster Prepared-
ness Committee. Topics covered were burning and fuels reduction, grant
opportunities, the Applegate Fire Plan, noxious weeds and large and small
animal evacuation.
Other community workshops will be held from 6:00 to 8:00 pm at
the Applegate Lodge on April 7, Schmidt Winery on April 20 and an-
other at the McKee Bridge Restaurant in May (date to be determined).
Food and beverages will be available. Invitations will be mailed to you for
the workshop specific to your area.
These workshops are designed to not only be informative but also
useful in promoting local discussion among neighbors about action we
can take now, before we smell the smoke. Let’s find out how we can work
together to protect what we all value.
For more information please contact Michele Brown-Riding, 541-
846-1460 or email at michele@apbb.net.
Logtown Cemetery Cleanup
April 30 starts at 10 am
Volunteer help is always welcome.
Please call Janeen Sathre 541-899-1443
Logtown Cemetery is a non-profit historical cemetery
Public Announcement:
Annual Board Meeting of the Logtown Cemetery Association
May 15, 1:00 pm at the Jacksonville Library.
Members of the Association includes anyone who owns a plot at Logtown or
has a family member buried there; all members are welcomed at the meeting.
Support the Applegater Newspaper
Attend our 2nd Annual Spring Benefit Barbeque Chicken Dinner, Sunday May 1, 2-6 pm
Enjoy Wine Tasting, Silent Auction, Live Music and more. Held at the Applegate River Ranch Lodge & Restaurant.