ì
‘Jenny from the Block’ gets
stalked by Boy Next Door
by Amber Fairbanks
ennifer Lopez made her way onto the big screen once again in new music video while simultaneously looking at shirtless pictures of Ryan
the movie “The Boy Next Door” directed by Rob Cohen and Gosling, and not pay to see it in a theater that smells like stale popcorn and
farts. Save your money.
written by Barbara Curry.
She shouldn’t have.
Lopez plays the character of Claire Petersen, a high school
English teacher who is in the process of filing for divorce with
her cheating husband; her son is a target for bullies.
I was very bored in the beginning, until Noah Sandborn showed up (played
by Ryan Guzman) who is, as you guessed it: the boy next door. He was good
looking and charming, but way too old to play a 19 year old. Bad casting.
He quickly befriends Claire’s misfit son and is showing up around the
house all the time.
The movie took a nose dive from there. In one scene, handy-man Noah
is fixing Claire’s garage all sweat, with his perfect muscles and Claire brings
him some cold lemonade. I burst out laughing in the theater. It was like the
beginning of a skin flick: ridiculous.
In another scene, Claire runs around in high heels in her underwear and
watches the boy next door undress from her window. I couldn’t take this
movie seriously.
When the sex scene inevitably hap
pened between these two, it was un
necessarily long. The dialogue, the way
Claire said “no” too many times before
giving in: it was creepy (but of course
J-Lo’s body was perfect).
That creepy feeling stayed with me
through the entire movie. The dialogue,
ugh. Creepy metaphors used involv
ing cookies too many times; the writer
could have used a different food item to
describe a vagina at least once to mix
it up.
The movie gets dark after the sex, but
still keeps that creepy vibe. I am us
ing the word creepy a lot, but I’m not
sure how else to describe this movie. I
thought about leaving, but the fact that
I paid to see this thing kept me in my seat.
If you didn’t already predict what happens I’ll just sum it up for you.
Blackmail happens. Violence happens. Screaming. Blood. J-Lo’s butt. Cry
ing, more butt. The end.
This movie was a stereotypical, predictable psychopath movie. No real
story. The movie was just selling the sex and J-Lo. If I just wanted to see
J-Lo’s ass and a hot boy’s abs, I would of just stayed home and watched her
"The w rite r
could have
used a differ
ent fo o d itenri
to describe a
vagina."
Warner Brothers