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Clackamas Print
Commentar
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Face Off: Boxed wine whiners
Boxed wine is fruity good
ness endorsed by the Romans
Mike Guldlce
I The Clackamas Print
Affordable, storable and unbreakable.
What could I possibly be referring to?
It can only be one thing - boxed wine,
of course - the official drink of cheap
champions (or the perpetually broke wine
connoisseur).
Growing up in a predominantly Italian
family, it was not unusual to encounter a
lot of alcohol around the house. One par
ticular constant was wine.
At times, the wine was in a plastic
bag, encased in a cardboard box. This
concept boggled my mind at first; I’m not
gonna lie. It went against all conventional
wisdom, and I felt like, since God turned
water into wine, He would not approve
of wine being converted back to colored
water.
However, I quickly began to not only
understand, but appreciate the genius cre
ation.
In the evening, I found myself rum
maging through the fridge, looking for the
peanut butter and/or pickles and ending
up face-to-face with a big box of Franzia.
I could generally conclude one of two
things: It was a good day, and my parents
were going to celebrate by sharing a box.
If that wasn’t the case, then surely the
everyday strife of life had them down,
and this was how it was to be dealt with:
a beautiful box of liquid love.
I myself didn’t experience drinkage
from the Pandora’s box until recently. I
was at a dive bar in Oregon City when
I saw a sign advertising wine for $2 a
glass. This seemed too good to be true,
so I inquired about what this deal truly
entailed. My friends dared me to order
a glass after the waitress told me it was
from a box. She brought me my drink - a
small, dirty, plastic wine glass, full to the
top. I drank it aricT tvas pleased.
Other than the obvious frugality of
the beverage, something else that appeals
to me is that it goes down easily, which
is something I cannot say about a lot of
wine. Even if it may just be an unde
veloped pallet, I’ll take advantage of the
scenario.
Recently there have, been whisperings
of more affluent, higher quality wine
being converted to boxed bum wine. This
hurts my soul just a little. It would defeat
the whole purpose of purchasing wine
enclosed inside a bag and a box. What are
they thinking?
The early Romans would have loved
boxed wine had it been available to them
so many centuries ago. They could have
stored copious amounts by simply stack
ing boxes on top of one another and build
ing great walls of wine.
Granted, boxed wine doesn’t have the
shelf-life of wine contained by glass, but
who actually has boxed wine around for
more than a day or two? Clearly, this is
not a problem.
You also don’t have to worry about
cork taint or, perhaps even worse, bits
of the cork (if not the entire cork itself)
falling into the bottle upon trying to open
it. Perhaps this has only happened to me,
though I’m not too sure.
The moral of this story is simple:
“When the world seems to shine like
you’ve had too much (boxed) wine, that’s
amore.”
Sorry, Dino, not everyone
can afford to wine and dine
in Napoli. Salud!
Wine culture under attack
by ‘bum-boxes, ’ winos
great advances to the quality of wine.
One advancement that has not proven so
beneficial is boxed wine.
Commentary Editor
Boxed wine is simply an invention that
attracts ignorant consumers to cheap wine. .
Wine is a living thing; it breathes, chang While I do recognize that there is a market
es and grows old.
for cheap wines, I do not encourage it. Why ’
One of the most celebrated things about drink cheap Merlot that tastes like vine®-
wine is its ability to age well. Stored in a when you can have a full-flavored Pii®
dark, cool cellar, it will stand the test of Noir?
time and come out the other side better than
The real tragedy of this invention is
before. Maybe that’s why so many people its inability to age. The bag that the wine
are fascinated and entranced by it, and why comes in is not hermetically sealed, so it
there’s such a large culture surrounding has the same shelf-life as that of an already-
every aspect of the drink.
opened bottle of wine. Although most wine
Relatively recently in the history of is not meant to age more than a year, the
wine, many changes have occurred with its best of the best is designed to age decad®. '
The reason why wine ages well is '
process and storage. Advanced fermenta
tion processes and climate-controlled cel because of its tannin, or the bits of random ■.
lars have become possible, all of which are matter that is in the wine. Over time, these I
bits of grape skin, stems and pips add fla
vor and body. With boxed wine, the tannin '
doesn’t have time to mature, and if any ,
tannin is present, it tastes bitter and rains . .
the flavor.
H'
Plus, one of the most celebrated parts '
of a dining experience is the presentation
of the wine. The server will bring out the
bottle, present it tt> the (finer, pop the cork
and let the head of the table take the ffl
taste. If the wine passes muster, then it’s fit “
to be served.
This simply can’t happen with a cheap
box of wine. Who’s going to go to a res- ‘
taurant and order a gallon of wine, have '
the server lug it out, pop the corrugated"
cardboard flap, pull out the bag and squeeze
out the first glass of swill for tasting? It just
isn’t the same; it ruins the culture of it. I
Yes, boxed wine is cheap, and yes, it’s /
easy to store, but so is a case of beer. If ylu
M
want to really appreciate wine, you have to i
understand that it’s not about frugality or
ease of storage.
,I.
Wine is about history and appreciation. "
Wine is about full flavor. Wine is purer than
water, safer than milk, milder than soda, ~
gentler than booze and more varied than j
beer. Wine is about the experience and the j]
flavor, not about getting drunk.
Matthew Olson
f
Hn
Illustration by Adam J. Manley Clackamas Print
■lit
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Higher education sinks, lawmakers stay high and dry
h
1°
It
lor
Frank Jordan
The Clackamas Print
Well, the Oregon Legislature has
done it again: cut down the funding
that community colleges receive in
order to save K-12 education.
Gov. Ted Kulongoski has pro
posed in his version of the 2007-09
budget that higher education receive
$521 million for the biennium, but
the legislature slashed that figure
down to $480 million.
What are we to make of this?
For one thing, state lawmakers really
don’t care about college students;
they figure that if state schools need
more money, they can just raise
tuition. Those schools have raised
tuition and fees'So much in the last 10
years that our best and brightest high
school students are not seeking higher
education in Oregon. They just can’t
afford it
Granted, K-12 education is prob-
ably tiie single most important expen
diture that the state faces. With our
antiquated tax system, the state and
its lawmakers are caught between the
proverbial rock and a hard place. With
other needs taking more and more tax
dollars (social services, corrections,
state police, etc.), our children and
their basic education are more depen
dent than ever on the state.
This tends to leave higher educa
tion to fend for itself. And it is not
just students who consistently get
the shaft The buildings and other
facilities at our community colleges
and universities are falling down all
around us.
The governor proposed spending
upwards of $400 million in facil
ity and capital improvements at the
higher education level. The legisla
ture slashed that amount to just over
$40 million. They say there just are
other priorities at this time.
Not to tell our elected officials
how to do their job, but if they choose
How to survive gettihg lost: You might need directions
Andrea Simpson
I The Clackamas Print
In the woods, in the car, on an
island - there are many places and
ways you can get lost.
But lucky for you, I have com
piled a survival guide for getting
lost anywhere.
If you are driving and happen
to get lost, you could always pull
over and ask for directions - but if
you are filled with pride and tes
tosterone, you have other options.
You could find a phonebook and
see if it contains maps, or go to
the nearest gas station and buy
one, making the excuse that you
tore your other one while doing
something manly.
If you tire strolling about the
woods, for whatever reason, and
get lost, don’t despair. It is a good
idea to keep a compass on you at
all times. When you start out on
your trek, check the compass the
see which direction you are head
ing so that you know how to get
back. If you wait until you are lost,
you can find out which direction
is north, but you will have no clue
which way you came from.
If you don’t carry a compass,
there are other ways to distinguish
your direction. A common mis
conception is that moss grows on
the north side of trees. This varies
depending on wherç you are. In
the Pacific Northwest, moss grows
on all sides of trees. Instead, plant
a stick into flat ground and mark
the top of the shadow. Wait awhile
and mark the shadow again. The
shadow will always move from
east to west.
You can always fall back on the
good, old North Star. If you know
how to locate the North Star, this
can be very effective in giving
you a general idea of directions.
lie
not to save higher education now and
put it off till later, they may be dig
ging their own grave. The best and
brightest of our youngsters, and for
that matter, our adult education po )U-
lace, are continually seeking other
opportunities for higher learning in
other states.
Oregon just is not cutting it as
far as higher education goes. A brain
drain is occurring right before our i
very eyes, and the state just does not J
seem to care.
However, make sure you know
it’s the North Star and not just
some ran
dom star.
If you
get
lost
when your
p 1 a n e
crashes on
an
island
with polar
bears and
Others, you
are dream
ing. Wake
up.
Illustration by Andrea Simpson Clackamas Print