November 3, 2004
Commenti
Quick, to Canada,comrades!
If your candidate lost, flee to the land of cheap prescriptions
Joe Piazzisi
The Clackamas Print
If you fear that you may be
suited up and shipped off, this
article is going to apply to you.
Everyone has been worried about
the draft and if it will be reinstat
ed
if Bush
is
elected.
Unfortunately there is no actual
way around it unless you' are
willing to put in some jail time.
Fortunately, I know how you
can escape it! All that needs to be
done is flee the country for a lit
tle while. I’d say for about a four-
year period—-you know; the
amount of time Bush would be in
office again.
There are tons of ways out of
the country but I am only going
to give you a couple routes. The
quickest is to take 1-5 North until
you hit the Canadian border. The
downfall to this is there will be
customs guards trying to keep
people in if the draft is reinstated.
There is a slightly longer
route, but I can almost say there
will be very little border patrol if
any at all. That is, unless the bor
der patrol reads this article.
Take 1-5 North for a very long
time. You want to go roughly 100
miles north of Seattle. Take
Highway 543 North. About 1800
feet up the highway, take the H
Street exit and turn right. Stay on
H Street for about one-and-a-half
miles, then turn left on Allan
Street. Go north on Allan Street
for about 800 feet and turn right
on E Street. E Street will turn left
onto Jerome Street. At the end of
Jerome Street, turn right on W
99th Street. Go up this road for
500 feet and stop. The Canadian
border is to the left, less than a
football field away. Just on the
other side of this field is an inter
section. This will be 0 Avenue
and 184th Street. Cross the field,
and you shall be free!
«f ————~
miliary Fergus
I Opinion Editor
Last time I checked, the First
Amendment guaranteed me free
dom of speech. Wait—yeah, it still
says that. But, for some reason I
cannot quite understand, I have
been silenced and I’m not about to
take it lying down.
Captain’s Log: Oct. 20, approx
imately 6 p.m. I stop my car in the
parking lot of my apartment build
ing and gather my books. Walking
to the door, I notice something
missing. Indeed, there is a void
that was once my “No on 36” sign.
Where could it have gone?
« Pause. I must stop for a
moment to explain. You may be
asking yourself, “But who would
be enough of a jerk to do some- !
thing like this?” Well, it’s not so
hard to grasp when one realizes
where I live—Canby (some call it
tiie armpit of Oregon). Un-pause.
I thought hard about whom it
might have been that had taken my
sign. Thinking wasn’t getting me
anywhere, but with a little
sleuthing on my roommate’s part I
was able to finger the culprit. My
landlord of all people had shat
tered my First Amendment rights
in a fury of fear and right-winged-
ness.
My upstairs neighbors reported
that our landlord had said, “I’m for
free speech and everything, but not
on my property.”
What a load of bull hooey!
Apparently, in Canby, freedom of
speech is only for those who side
on your issues. I can guarantee
that, had I been a freedom-hating
Bush lover like the rest of my red
neck town, the sign would have !
been left as is. But no, you get one
person who’s for civil liberties and
all of a sudden freedom bf speech
doesn’t apply—now it’s ‘no signs,
this is my property.’
What’s worse is I had quite
possibly the only sign in Canby
the,
19600 S. Molalla Ave.
Oregon City, OR 97045
(503) 657-6958 ex. 2309
The C lackamas Print is a weekly
student publication and is
distributed every Wednesday except
finals week.
E ditor - in -C hief : Isaiah Creel
C opy E ditor : James Tombe
N ews E ditor : Ben Maras
O pinion E ditor : Hilliary
Ferguson
F eature E ditor : Karlin Johnson
A&E E ditor : Cory Price
S ports E ditor : Nie Delzell
P hoto E ditor : Joel Gaynor
STUDI
POL
You vanir to get here I
T
I
I
Boblett Rd
What dii
think oj
bucket!
doughnl
*This ad ran onl
Issue 11
Photo Illustration by Joe Piazzisi Clackamas Print
Sign stealers hear this Sex goes public in PDX
that didn’t advocate Bush for pres
ident or read “One Man, One
Woman”—and why should the
man go first, you sexist pigs? 1
have just as much of a right to state
my opinion as the guy a block
down the street whose lawn is rid
dled with those god-awful Bush
signs. Here’s a secret, you moron:
you’re a lower middle-class work
ing man—Bush would use you as
cannon fodder at the first opportu
nity.
I spent much of the night won
dering why conservatives fear
civil rights. Why the hell should
: they care if gay people get mar
ried? And here’s something to
ponder a while: gay people can’t
marry as it is! Remember last win-
! ter when gay couples were
allowed marriage licenses? It
seemed that in no time the right
was revoked, and it still remains
banned. Why are they trying to
pass a measure that prohibits
something that’s already illegal?
What are they so afraid of? Shame
on them.
Property or not, the First
Amendment still applies whether I
own my home or rent it. Living in
an apartment does not limit my
freedom of expression, no matter
what my stance may be. Just
because my landlord fears diversi-
! ty does not mean that she has the
right to silence me. Besides, I have
a newspaper.
Perhaps putting the sign in the
yard was not the best idea. On later
contemplation, I should have put it
inside my window, especially
since 1 live in a town full of con
servative capitalist a-holes.
This was my sneaky plan: I
was unable to find another sign, so
I fashioned my own using my
trusty computer and color printer.
Then, with Scotch™ tape in hand,
I defiantly taped tire sigh to the
inside of my window, directly
above where my sign (rest its soul)
used to dwell. Ah, revenge. I can
not be trifled with! I am young, I
am loud and I will not be pushed
around!
r
James Tombe
The Clackamas Pri
Today the computers in our cell
phones are more powerful than the
one that originally sent astronauts
to the moon. We can grow new
organs, in a laboratory. We can
clone sheep, for chrissakes, so I’m
more than a little amazed that after
thousands of years of evolution,
the aboli
tion
of
slavery
and break
ing down
barriers to
gender and
racial
equality,
sexual ori
entation is
still
an
issue.
Even
though it’s
politically
correct to
use “orien-
t a t i o n ”
instead of
“prefer-
ence,”
I
sincerely
think that there is quite a bit of
both in there somewhere. I mean,
until both sides of the issue
account for those who fall on both
sides of gender identification, such
as hermaphrodites (biologically)
and bisexuals (sexually), one has
to admit that there’s a middle
ground somewhere.
Luckily, through family dys
function, my father either chose to
or forgot to teach me his preju
dices. I grew up with a lesbian
aunt, so of course I had the luxury
of being used to the idea—“How
horrible,” some may say, “yet
another example of the gays cor
rupting a poor child!” Well, my
aunt also did a lot of drugs, and
even as a child I could tell that the
S taff W riters : Michele Bluemmel,
Tony Cho, Ashley Cline, Cyrus •
Cross, Brandon Delzell, Matt
Hanrahan, Frank Jordan, Cassie
Mathieson, Michael McCormack,
Yasmine Najmabadi, Joe Piazzisi,
Amanda Polopolus, Jacob Ray, Jeff
Sorensen, Jaden Triplett, Becky
Wiley, Katie Wilson
drugs were hurting her, but her
sexual orientation wasn’t. I never
shared her same-sex orientation
nor her drug use (even our taste in
women is different). Apparently, I
wasn’t too brain-washed.
I thought it curious the first
time I saw the “Gay and Lesbian
Yellow Pages” sitting on an end-
table at my aunt’s house. Being
the inquisitive sort, I thumbed
through it. It was merely a listing
of businesses that had nothing to
do with sex—and let’s face it, it’s
a sex thing,
not a “who
you love”
thing.
That’s why
we call it a
sexual ori-
entation.
Jesus
claimed to
love men,
but
very
few consid
er him gay
(although
those that
do
have
some inter-
estingly
creative
interpreta
tions
of
scripture).
Internet Photo
So anyhow, I asked my aunt
what the purpose of this particular
phone book was, and she replied
that it was “to support businesses
that support our choices and
lifestyle.”
Personally, I’m of the “whatev
er floats your boat—as long as it‘s
of the age of consent” philosophy,
but until now, I also thought that
sex was a personal experience, not
a public one (except for that one
time in a state park—but I
digress). Now my eyes have been
opened by the precedent that has
been set, and I anxiously await the
“Casual Oral Sex Yellow Pages”
(my preference) or the ‘Trustrated
Masturbator Yellow Pages” (my
actual lifestyle).
P roduction A ssistants : Jesse
Arguello, Joanne Bergstrom,
Stephen Bostwick, Alyssa Buster,
Monica Gizowski, Norma
Martinez, Angela McDaniel,
Myque Obiero, Gregg
Radspinner, Diane Tierney
P hotographers : Brie Daykin,
Truman Anderson
“Ugly people being:
timeless!'
Elichia Ou
“As long as he covai
it’s all good
• Chris
“Can I have a bii
doughnutsl
Serena Stni|
■ wìBh
“It was funny. I wail
to see it in the pl
Kearsten Ml
A d M anager : Ben Hl
D esign E ditor : Midi
D epartment A d
D epartment A ssise ^]
G oals : The C lackamas P# J
the news in an honest, unbii*ÿ
al manner. The opinions expfl
necessarily reflect those of fl
college administration, its J
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