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F ebruary 4, 2004
T he C lackamas P rint • 7
'Perfect Score' false advertising Monday night more fun
INTERNET PHOTO
Poor writing doesn’t help the cast of ‘A Perfect Score.’
Jadon Triplett
T he C lackamas P rint
Paramount Pictures’ “The
Perfect Score” is, unfortunately,
just another teen movie, unworthy
of an $8 ticket.
Coincidentally, actor Chris
Evans, who plays the ringleader of
the' group of students conspiring
to steal the answers to the SAT in
this film, actually starred in “Not
Another Teen Movie.”
In a film where six high school
students from various back
grounds decide to get together to
steal the SAT’s, for various rea
sons, each actor plays a cookie
cutter stereotype.
Matty is the average white guy
with nothing going for him (Brian
Greenberg); Anna is the smart girl
who’s scared of tests (Erika
Christensen); Desmond (Portland
Trail Blazer Darius Miles) is the
frustrated black athlete who is
convinced the SAT’s are racist;
Kyle is the idealistic ringleader
(Evans); Francesca is the sexy rich
babe whose daddy doesn’t under
stand (Scarlett Johansson); and
our comic relief is Roy, the Asian
electronic-genius and stoner nar
rator (Leonardo Nam.)
The problem with this film
isn’t with the actors in it; there was
litde they could do to make the
film better. They did well with
what they were given, but that is
all I can really say to credit their
work. Scarlett Johansson was able
to make the movie a little sexier,
but for those” who have already
seen “Lost in Translation,” it’s
hard to watch this movie and be
particularly overwhelmed.
This film is so plastic that it
almost borders on self-parody,
with lines that are supposed to be
deep and introspective but only
turn out to be pathetically stupid.
One line that comes to mind is
near the beginning of the movie,
when Anna recalls the SAT ques
tion about the train leaving the
station at midnight with a man and
a woman with different destina
tions. Anna says when she thinks
of the question, she can’t figure
out why any woman would even
be on a train at midnight, then
freezes and can’t finish the test.
Basically, sfie can’t finish the test
because she’s worried about what
will happen to a fictional charac
ter. That’s clever, right? No, not
really.
At the end of the film, there is
a slight but unsurprising plot twist
in which the six SAT “thieves”
decide to do the right thing and
everyone leaves feeling happy and
satisfied. This is complete with an
anti-drug message, leaving this
cookie-cutter,
MTV-produced
movie with a cookie-cutter ending.
The irony, is that all but the last
five minutes of the film is spent
glorifying drugs, stealing and other
tomfoolery, but the conclusion
says this is all a horrible idea.
This is a very MTV ending,
because MTV spends their time
and’ money airing public service
announcements about the risks of
drugs, racial stereotypes, sexual
promistuity and violence, then
turns around and airs music
videos abundant with lyrics and
images of these same topics.
Feeling nostalgic for a good
teen movie? Go spend two bucks
to rent “The Breakfast Club,”
instead of wasting eight to see this
yawn-inducing flick full of noth
ing but shiny objects and hot air.
than dancing on tacks
Jeff Sorensen
T he C lackamas P rint
Let’s face it; Monday, is the day
we must put an end to our weekly
holiday and drag our feet back to
the classroom and begin anew.
College students have far too
much “Monday Night” on their
hands, and have been forced to
find new forms of civil, law-abid
ing entertainment. One such place
that allows students to get their sil
lies out is Cue’s Billiards on the
backside of a bingo hall on the
comer of SE Stark and 162nd St.
Hidden behind that pantheon
of elderly delight, Cue’s is a place
where many young people of all
ages can go to relax, hang out and
maybe even play some pool at a rel
atively low cost. Rates for one of
their professionally refurbished
tournament-tables start as low as
$5 an hour, or $8 an hour if you
decide to bring a friend. Basically,
the bigger the posse, the cheaper it
gets. But the fun doesn’t stop there.
Over in the corner sits a very
modern jukebox wired to a very
reasonable sound system that* res
onates throughout the room. The
jukebox itself has a wide variety of
music, but for those who can’t find
anything they like the . jukebox
itself is wired to a fast-speed
Internet connection, allowing
downloads from thousands of
selections and even entire albums
(for the right price).
For the more competitive bil
liard player, Cue’s offers a large
selection of both eight and nine
foot tables, as well as “3-rail” bil
liards and "Snooker” tables. In
addition, if the racks of free rental
cues lining the walls feel inade
quate, they’ll hand over a profes
sional cue for as little as $4.
For those less inclined for an
evening of billiards, Cue’s offers
other options including foosball,
pinball and arcade games.
True to traditional pool hall
“atmosphere,” smoking is allowed in
the main room, and customers can
enjoy a wide variety of food and
beverages on any of the tables and
bar stools spread around the room.
If the smoke becomes too much to
handle, fear not, for Cue’s also offers
a smoke-free room with a variety of
tables and an old fashioned
Wurlitzer Jukebox playing all the
right tunes to tickle the eardrums.
Not only that, Cue’s is open TA/l,
which means they’re always an
option for early morning high jinx.
Fun on a Monday can be hard
to come by, so it’s nice to have
some options. Cue’s definitely has
the options covered with all the
various games and activities they
offer on a regular basis, and
whether you’re flying solo or
invoking full use of the buddy sys
tem, it’s nice to know there’s at
least one place where something’s
always going on.
'Painted Bird' a life-changing read
different values, all because of this
book.
By page three, I became six-
year-old Jerzy, fighting for life in
war-torn .*> eastern
Europe.
Orphaned by his parents, Jerzy’s
life was that of a young Jewish boy
attempting to not only live, but
groW; and blossom during World
War II. In an impossible journey,
Jerzy proves his will to live in this
constant battle of extreme racism.
His first memories in life con
sisted of the inconceivable capaci
ty of evil he unknowingly carries
Faye Dodds
T he C lackamas P rint
To extend not imaginations,
but knowledge of true human
nature, I urge one and all to read
“The Painted Bird” .by Jerzy
Kosinski.
This autobiography, though
just a couple hundred pages long,
provoked thoughts in me that I am
sure many people will not experi
ence in their entire lives. In less
than
ten hours—literally—I
became a different person with
in this superstitious culture.
Simply, his visible presence in a vil
lage sends peasants into a frenzy.
People run screaming, crossing
themselves; they unleash vicious
dogs to tear him apart and on
countless occasions, beat him
nearly lifeless.
And I was worried about being
late to an appointment yesterday.
Jerzy once witnesses a snake
wriggling out of its skin in a gar
den and often in the story, wishes
he could undertake the renewal of
life
(continued.on next page)
JEFF SORENSEN C lackamas P rint
Pool tables such as these abound at Cue’s. They even
have chalk and those hand powder volcano things.
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