The Clackamas print. (Oregon City, Oregon) 1989-2019, February 11, 1998, Page 8, Image 8

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Feb. 11, 1998
How to make a Valentine's dates around Portland
first impression
last forever
Co-A&E Editor
Contributing Writer
Well, it’s that time of the year again. Valentine’s Day is
upon us. This can be one of the most anticipated days of the
year, and if you’ve got a good date it can certainly be one of
the most exciting. That’s why it’s one of my favorite holi­
Unfortunately, for some of us, Valentine’s Day can also
be very lonely and sad if you don’t have that special some­
one to share it with.
Quite frankly, if you’re one of those dateless souls come
V-Day, “it must suck to be you.” Now some might say that
was a heartless comment, but to show my compassion I have
decided to share some amazing tips on finding that Mr. or
Ms. Right. We all know that the most important part of it all
is the first impression. That is why you have got to have a
good variety of pick-up lines.
Here is a list of pick-up lines that I have assembled. I
spent a night on the town to test them out:
1. “My name isn’t Elmo, but you can tickle me any time
you want. ”
Result: She giggled and told me how creative I was. We
exchanged phone numbers and I was feeling confident
and ready to make my next kill.
2. “Hi, I’m President Clinton. ”
Result: She smiled, looked me over with out a word and
that’s when her very big and jealous looking boyfriend
showed up. And that’s when I ran. Hey, I’m a lover, not a
3. “Is your name Pepsi? ‘Cause I gotta have it.”
Result: “You gotta be kidding, right? Dork.” So I was on
to the next victim.
4. “Are those space pants you’re wearing? ‘Cause your
butt is out of this world! ”
Result: She called me several unpleasant names and slapped
me. This one wasn’t going to work.
5. “Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to
walk by again?"
Result: Score! She told me I was sweet, gave me a kiss and
I’m seeing her next weekend.
6. “Am I dead, Angel? ‘Cause I must be in heaven. ”
Result: Two in a row. When you’re hot, you’re hot, and
I’m hot.
7. “You must be Jamaican, 'cause you’re Jamaican me
crazy. ”
Result: “Jamaican this,” she said, flipping me off. Time to
revert to my secret weapon.
8. “I only have three months to live. ”
Result: Bingo! She invited me over to her place for a
“drink”, but I had to take a rain check. I was on a mission.
Dozens of readers needed this information.
9. “What’s that in your eye? Must be a twinkle. ”
Result: Another catch, but nowhere near my limit.
10. “(French accent) Your eyes are blue, like the ocean,
and I am lost at sea. ”
Result: She asked me if I was really French. I came back
with “I’ll be whatever you want me to be.” She told me to
be a man and get the hell away from her.
11. “Excuse me, but I think I dropped something. My jaw. ”
Result: “Here,” she said, “Let me help you with that,”
and she hit me with an overhand to the jaw.
12. “Bond, James Bond. ” Result: “Lost, get Lost. ”
13. “Hey baby, wanna make 50 bucks?"
Result: “ No, but I want to puke.” That one hurt.
14. “You’re the reason men fall in love. ”
Result: We danced for a little while and she was my favor­
ite of the night. I wanted to stay with her, but us players
have to move on.
75. “Hey! You were great on Baywatch last night. ”
Result: She told me to get a life and asked me if I was on
Animal Planet last night.
Although I had my share of rejections, I still call the night
a success. I met some great girls and I definitely see ro­
mance in my future. I learned that some lines work with
women and some.. .just don’t. You never know though un­
til you test them out.
Another February 14, another
Valentine's Day. A day of love, ro­
mance, and sometimes indecision in the
minds of couples who cannot seem to
think of anything original and roman­
tic to do. Well, the Portland area has
more than a few options for love-smit­
ten partners. There are cruises, restau­
rants, mountains, music, and, of course,
The many dining establishments in
the area provide fine cuisine for you
and a date. Atwaters, located at the top
of the big pink U.S. Bancorp tower
downtown, is one of the more expen­
sive, but the atmosphere and terrific
view make up for the cost. Others, such
as Eddie May’s, offer Valentines Day
“Murder Mystery” dinners which
promise “Side-Splitting Comedy, May­
hem, and Mystery!” Perhaps not the
choice for many Valentine dates, but
some might find it morbidly amusing.
Sylvia’s Class Act Dinner Theatre also
offers a special Valentine’s Day per­
formance. “Olympus on my Mind”
starts at 11:30 a.m. and costs $28.95
per person for the lunch matinee.
Another idea, which might set you
back a few dollars, is a Valentines Day
cruise on one of the sternwheeler ships
on the Willamette River. The Cascade
Sternwheelers offer a dinner buffet
cruise for $44.95 a person and a dance
party cruise for $25.95 a person. Call
223-3928 for information on these two
Mt. Hood and the ski areas that sur­
round it are also good places to find
fun yet romantic activities for the 14th.
Snowboarding, skiing, or just messing
around in the snow can all be followed
up by an evening and dinner at Tim­
berline Lodge or other restaurants in
the Hood area.
Many orchestras and bands play spe­
cial Valentine shows. The Oregon Sym­
phony will perform at the Arlene
Schnitzer Concert Hall, and play
themes from film scores such as
Amistad and Thè Mambo Kings. The
number to call for information and tick­
ets to this show is 790-ARTS.
Couples also enjoy the cinema on
Valentine’s Day. Titanic is definitely an
appropriate movie for the occasion, but
perhaps there are other prospects. For
instance, Adam Sandler’s new movie
The Wedding Singer might be a humor­
ous interlude to an otherwise emotion­
ally serious day. And The Apostle has
also been given rave reviews by the
Oregonian as a “deeply powerful movie
about spiritual passion.”
These are just a few of the hundreds
of things to do in Portland on
Valentine's Day. But another option
might be just to stay home. You never
know, you and your date might get hit
by a UPS truck and never see another
Valentines Day again. So please, stay
safe during February 14. Avoid alco­
hol, drugs, and most of all, promiscu­
ous sex.
Authors1 night a smashing success
Staff Writer
“We have three of the best play­
wrights in the Northwest here with us
tonight,” English Instructor Allen
Widerburg said as he opened last
Wednesday’s successful and entertain­
ing Authors’ Night. Sue Mach, Charles
Deemer and Dmae Roberts are play­
wrights with a long list of successes,
and an enthusiastic crowd gathered in
the McLoughlin Theater to hear them
read from their plays.
The evening started out with Charles
Deemer, who introduced his two-char-
acter play accompanied by actors Jo­
seph Derting and Sydne McKennie.
The play, described by Deemer as a
“dark romance,” takes place at a table
in a bar. The couple, Deirdre and
Quinn, are romantically involved, hav­
ing met at the bar. Deirdre, a very
emotional and unstable young woman,
receives a birthday present from
Quinn, who is very romantic. The dia­
logue exchanged between the two is
very casual and realistic. During emo­
tional and sensitive moments the au­
dience was so silent and still in antici­
pation it could be felt in the air. Deemer
shouted “Blackout” at the end of the
scene and the audience applauded in
appreciation. Deemer and the actors
emotionally moved the crowd.
Roberts, an Amerasian, shared
scenes from several different plays.
Her explanation of why she writes is
to “express identity.” Using many
mother-daughter themes, her play
“Forbidden Dreams” is about a young
Asian daughter who wishes to be a
dancer for a club in San Francisco. In
the scene presented by actresses
Lauren Meyer and Elaine Low, a trá-
Dmae Roberts, Alan Widerburg and Charles Deemer elaborate.
ditional Asian mother finds her daugh­
ter about to go on stage and tries to stop
her. The mother’s is hurt by her
daughter’s career choice, and, to no
avail, the daughter tries to explain her
dream in life. The same actresses did
“The Mill Poem” as a duet. It was read
very quickly and depicted the hectic
routine of a typical mill worker. And
“Lady Buddha,” an extremely beauti­
ful poem read by Low, describes how
one might see the goddess. The poem,
the way Low read it, was like a ride
through time and space, telling a story
with a beautiful message: “Emptiness
is a feeling if you let it fill you.”
Finally, with much energy, Sue Mach
took the stage with her play “Angle of
View.” Mach’s experience working as
a productions assistant for the televi­
sion show “Cops” inspired the play and
thé role she played in the scene was a
character named Barbara. Barbara’s
character, said Mach, was taken from
a real woman whose every headache
in life is a demanding crisis, and, as a
result, many laughs were emitted from
the crowd during the scene. Another
play, based on a true story regarding a
cult, was very “dark” in language.
Mach explained that many times sto­
ries we get from real life can be more
bizarre than fiction. And the last was
a ten-minute, one-act play which took
place in a Starbucks coffee shop. The
play was a comedy between two char­
acters, depicted by O’Brien and actress
Susannah Mars, who were studying for
an STD test. A lot of medical termi­
nology was impressively used and it
was evident that Mach had done some
research into the subject. The girl’s
study partner had made “an offer” prior
to the stage story and the reactions be­
tween the two were extremely hilari­
ous: “Infections, infections!”
Afterward, the audience was invited
to ask questions. A question was asked
about Portland, and Mach said that in
all the areas she had written, Portland
offered the most encouraging oppor­
tunities of anywhere she had been.
Portland, it was concluded, was the
most art-appreciative city any of these
play wrights had experienced.
A&E events around the area
The Clackamas Theater Department will be presenting
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof as its winter production. The play
will be performed at 8 p.m., Feb. 26,27,28 and March 6
and 7. A matinee will be held at 2:30 p.m., March 8. All
performances are at the McLoughlin Hall Theatre. Tick­
ets a $6 for general admission, $3 for students and free to
people 62 years and older who call and make reserva­
tions in advance. Call 657-6958, ext. 2356 for more in­
formation or reservations.
Ska-core band Five Iron Frenzy will be playing this Fri­
day the 13th at Rolling Hills Community Church with
Wilsonville band Zak Attack and another ska band, The
W's. Five Iron Frenzy combines positive lyrics with pow­
erful horns and vocals, and put on a great live perfor­
mance. Tickets go on sale at 6:30 p.m., doors open at
7:00. Be there or be square!
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Wednesday, February 11, 1998