The Clackamas print. (Oregon City, Oregon) 1989-2019, March 09, 1994, Image 12

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    Arizona America, a Cowboy and Mary
Sue Ellen stepped onto the elevator she again
Stephen Jones opened his eyes for a
holler of “I Love you Bobby!” and “Hang tough
became Linda Johnson, hard hitting reporter -for “Up Buddy!”
moment then shut them tightly. The morning sun
. of Arizona was beaming brightly through the hotel Front” a national magazine television show which
“I reckon by now you all heard them nasty
prided itself on its tabloid type coverage of the issues lies being told about me by those people on TV who
suite’s window. He felt like shit. His head hurt.
and its incessant prying into the lives of famous
His body ached.
ain’t got nothin’ better to do than to mislead the
persons.
Mary Sub Ellen climbed on top of him.
general public!”
She pulled her tape recorder out of her
She smelled fresh, clean and sweet, just out of the
“YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH”*
shower sweet. But to Stephen she smelled just like _ overnight bag and checked it, it had worked
“I don’t really-know why a man just can’t
beautifully, couldn’t have been better if she and he
every other girl he’d ever shared a hotel room with
make an honest living during these troubled times
had been sitting in a recording studio. She’d have
while on tour. That imitation Dove soap smell.
with out someone else coming along trying to stab
to wait until she got back to L.A. to see how her
him in the back!”
“Bobby, I never knew that you had this
miniature video camera had performed.
cute little Black Panther tattoo on your back,” she
“YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH ”*
The story aired four days later. “Up Frpnt”
said. “I do swear that I’ve seen just about every
“We just seem to be getting it coming and
little article or TV show that’s ever been done about could have shown it earlier but they chosen tp wait
going these days.”
you and I never heard that you got yourself a tattoo.:? for the night of Bobby Joe Eldrich’s big TexaVstjbw
“YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH ”*
Where did you get it?”
• Lf/ in the Houston Astro Dome in front of 80,000 fans,
j“J just got one thing to say to those nasty
TV popple that like tpqtell alii them nasty lies,
“Korea.”
h | / one of the largest crowds everjto attend a country^
show. \ And if tha^ wásp’jt eiK^igh, jth^.sho’fr’s being
leading on the Amiericdn people the way they do.”
“Bobby Joe Eldrich! Why I neverJmfaf
you’s was in Korea”
...¡¿^ lí.bjk ** broadcastlive across thecöuhtryAvas.
. .
} I * • \ Í “YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH”*
f
hAct:
:
T
iri*:-XÄ7z*Hiz
•tjp Frppt’^’ hostJimWethersby set jip the Q.T 4 ; “As long as I o : got
„r someone
_____________
~
to listen, _ . I’ ...
m a
Something about young men fromthe
' *
fv '., ' ' gonna keep on playin’ cause Country music is in my
West who join the infantry, they always seem-jp 1 1 S Story. ? z
J : '
!.\i TonigW we
.. . bring you i á talé.of fraud and jbloodai^i|; like ^e,:airi’f never gorihapie.”
acquire or learn how to use a southern accent priU^f í
drawl. Maybe it’s because all the sergeants Us&|t Vj Ideceit/iNöswe^r^ni ib^tallri^g abont'government./g / s “XV^VÁ.4 Á a a a a & a J a aahmwwmtwp
!”*
or maybe it’s that all the best infantry units aré \ : i i officials or a-=C. E. O. of a majcM’-corpbratipn. .Ifhis^ /. Z
d y^ii knójjfit’ájtraé; Ypúkttowyou
1
i
/
based in Kentucky, North Carolina, Gedir¿ia, an^ y comes from the world of country music and one of ¿át)?’to"/
Louisiana.
.
A
j; b . íj 1 its biggest stdrs;:Bobby Joe Eldrichorshould wesay = “YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! ”*
“I gcÉta
wasJvdmm to
Or maybe it’s thrit ^ene froitiihé Movie? ’ Stephen Jones.Tonight, “Up Front’tkeibrter Linda ' (
Johnson, or should we say Mary Sue Ellen, goes
play for you :ionight if you were Wahiin to listen.”
Platoon:
|
und^cove&b expose^he truth about ’The Cou^iry
‘■YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH'
“Killin’ What y’all know ‘bout killin. In
f { '
|
y°u want to hear it?”
here smokin that weed, tryin’ to escápe reality. I Singer Whó.Éies!’” % |
%.^^at followed wa^^murW-vibeo tapfe
«* *» a *
“YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
”*
Me, I am reality. Well there’s eight of you, arid?;.. |
11:
“It’s calledi? ‘Arizona America, a Cowboy,
only one of met kill me?(
■ accompanied by Stephen’s words in captions. iThey
^Mary.’”
“Bobby joe, pre you gonna tell me.abotrtii,%. ni^it have |layed the part where he said “I think
this tattoo or am Tgonna have to force it oútta^a?”9® g this::Shit I’^singing is mindless and ntoronic
w? ” a ~
LindaJohnson, watching the-performance
B^nbrpd miffion.tynes. Eauh time j beepingxiut
—
the ; alone in her L.A. apartment, muttgrctUb hbrself the
“Look honey, first of all, my ñamé is hot
wórd shit with a lopd Crushing,echoingbepp. f
Bobby okay? It’s Stephen Jones. So call me
Stephen.” Gone wasl^ 'spumtftn^oy/ljhe^had : Linda was at her best, capitalizing oh Stephen's
------ -—M choking on hj&bwn
w„.. remorse in
national television,
every mistake, making the most of itby sensational-^: front of millions. After all hé wá^a fake, and she as
the night before on stage and in bed.
%.g.
sizing
every
detaiLShe
’
d.tl^dgh/for
sure^^^^i
"
~
“Bobby! What in tarnations has gotten*^
Mary Sue Ellen hMexposed him. How could all
an Emmy.
»H
those people be so stupid. And he with the audacity
into you?”
r
After théstory, JimWethersby $aid “And
to stand there and antagonize hgL^he^cked.on a
“Listen. My pampas^
spoon fuli of ffozgn::yogurt, ii^as qold! vanilla with
you can see Stephen Jones, A.K. A. Bobby Joe
I’m not really from Tennessee, I’Ve pCvsr rode a
Cbfk^ate C
DCXt ^6.
horse, I prefer Nikes over ^^t^TMtp^e^edcSs^- Eldrich perform live tonight¥<fere on C.B.C. at 10
Maybe Mary Sue Ellen wasn’t enough. She
and I think this shit I’m singing is mindlgiS and
HHIB
You’d think the world was coming to an
promised herself that she’d be more convincing, get
moronic.”
Stephen leaned over andgrabbed^ pack^^nd, the way Bobby Joe Eldrich’Sjjublicist was
^.more information the next time she was in bed with
’ acting on the helicopter ridq
smokes off the end table, jolted Oheout,putlt in his
“Stephen, how could you be so dumb!” he was
Oh well, fnck.it she thought; She’d gotten
mouth and lit it.
i
screaming.
her ratings, and they had enough footage to drag
Mary Sue Ellen sat quietly staring at him,
Stephen Jones sat c^Q back in his
thi^scandaiout for another couple weeks. She was
her mouth gaping open.
Father’s recliner which he had mounted into the
the best reporter “Up Front” had, she had job
Stephen exhaled smoked with a rushed
helicopter for him. He casujgB&uffed on a cigarette security.^
•
blow. “As for my Tattoo, I got when I was in the
and sipped Jack Daniel and Coke. He looked like
military; which was also where I figured out my
Nero must have as Rome burned. ,,
dumb ass Tennessee/Kentucky accent.”
After the show, Stephen found himself
RácS «age io his dressing 1¡6on| Stephen
“Why Bobby Joe Eldrich, wjiy I simjiiy , ' <
alone in his hotel room drinking a Jack and Coke
knewsthat most fans in
cannot believe what I am hearing. Youarenothin
and chuckling to herself “Damn I’m good,’* when
/¿aWWidafflc^ha^i’lhad time io's^ the show. Surely, ¡ he got a call from the front desk.
but a fake and a phony! How can you live with
yourself? All those millions of people lc^voi^ L though, some-had andeheap gossip travels like wttUM
“Mr. Eldridge.”
you just go on deceiving them. You mus|j^<t
fire throüghacrowdofhíllbillié«:. Still; tfeheard
“Yeah.”
them chántiríg: his name. .ThOirednecks-would keep
ashamed of yourself!”
«•
•••:
“Someone by the name of Missy Bo
«
Hatfield is here to see you.”
“No. No really I’m not at all ashamed. As : the faith until ihey bemd.fronf their hero.'No
hillbilly wants: to admit that they threw away a half <
“Can’t says that I know her.”
a matter of fact, I’m damn proud of myself. Com­
a working week’s worth of
on a ticket to see a 4:
“Well she says she knows you. And she
ing from a lower middle class background, not
certainly seems like the type of person that you
having much of anything growing up, to here where phony.
Someone knocked on the dressing room
would like to get to know better.”
I’m a millionaire. NO, I reckon that I’m mighty
door and yelled “Five minutes Bobby!”
“Well then by all means, show the little
proud of myself ma’am.”
Stephen took another drag, crushed his
Philly her way up here sir, if you could be so kind.”
‘Well, I hate you Bobby Joe Eldrich.” She
smoke, grabbed his guitar and headed toward the
“Right away Mr. Eldridge.”
climbed out of bdd and dressed quickly as she
stage.
spoke. “I’m going home right now and tellin
* “YYYYAAAAHHHH”: Word Image. Meant to annotate wild
His publicists patted him on the back and
Momma that I was wrong about you being the most
yooping and hollering.
said “Knock ‘em dead Bobby!”
sincere man in the world. I’m tearing my posters
Bobby Joe Eldrich stepped out onto the
down and throwing out all my compact discs!
stage and the crowd went wild. He strode out to the
From now on, I listen solely to Garth Brooks!”
Mary Sue Ellen grabbed her over night bag microphone like a cowboy whose just rode a horse
for four days, his head held down in mock disgust,
off the dresser, darted out and slammed the door
shaking it from side to side. He stopped and stood
behind her.
Stephen thought: Just another piece of ass, squarely in front of the microphone. He tilted his
cowboy hat back, then looked toward the sky as if to
in other town, on another day. Hey maybe I could
be asking “God, why me? God?” The Country
make that a song. He tried to work out the lyrics,
music fanatics continued their cheers until they
rhyming them.
sensed that Bobby was waiting for them to stop.
But Stephen wasn’t the only one pretend­
Three minutes later they did and Bobby
ing to be someone that he was not, faking an
basked in the silence mixed in with an occasional
accent, presenting the backward facade. As Mary
By Robert A
Hibberd