This issue of “The Print” is our annual April
Fool’s issue. This is the one week out of the year
where we can intentionally make fun of college
personnel and staff. In short, we have made a
parody of ourselves.
April Fools
Day Issue
THE PRINT
Vol. XX|, No. 17
April 1,1988
Clackamas Community College
10600 S. Molalla Ave.
Oregon City» Oregon 97045
Trailers towed; parking lot to be constructed
by Larry Levi
Opinions Editor
Many changes took place on
campus over Spring Break
most notable being that the
public safety, health, and student
publications trailers were towed
away and the Jot was resurfaced
for parking.
The change was prompted by
student staff and faculty com
plaints that the other parking lots
are located too far from the cam
pus and that the lot by the trailers
was too small with the trailers
parked there. People complained
about parking tickets they receiv
ed when trying to squeeze into an
already overcrowded parking
area.
Some students went so far as to
run over “no parking” barriers
with their cars and showed up in
force at a demonstration that
proved to be the straw that broke
the administration’s back.
At the demonstration students
voiced their concerns about being
late for classes because they had
to park so far away from the
buildings. Other concerns men
tioned were the amount of energy
it takes to walk from the parking
lots to classes and that by the time
students get to class they’re too
tired to concentrate on their
classes.
After
taking
the
demonstratoi^’concerns to heart,
the administration decided to
back down from its original
stand to leave the trailers where
they were.
The trailers were then towed
away to be sold at an auction and
the money raised from their sale
went to resurface the parking
area.
Meanwhile Public Safety,
Health Services, and Student
Publications have been moved to
tents that have been set up on the
soccer field in front ¡of the
theatre.
When asked how she felt about
being moved out to a tent, Suzy
Alexander with Student Health
Services said, “It’s like being a
MASH unit out here, especially
with the Contras coming.”
President Keyser said he wasn’1
certain how long the trailer per
sonnel would be in the tents., “It
looks as if we could have a new
building for them in about 2-2
years, but that all depends or
government red tape.”
If that’s true it may be more
like 10 years for the buidling tc
become available far use. Unti
then the rest of the campu
should be thrilled to have a fev
more parking spaces.
Smokers attack campus
by Phil Garver
News Editor
photo by Emily Orlando
Nothing could stop college commuters from taking their
parking spaces. This particular incident was the final straw
and prompted the college to dispose of the trailers to make
room for an additional parking lot on campus.
Class hosts
demonstration
by Jim Roberts
Staff Writer
The Japanese class will be
hosting a seppuku demonstration
on April 14 “We’re all very ex
cited,” said Japanese teacher
Diane Walch. “We see this as an
opportunity to enrich our stud
ents with a greater understanding
of Eastern culture.”
Seppuku, a Japanese form of
ritual disembowelment, is rarely
seen in the Western world today.
Mr. Yasu Mishira, coordinator
of the seppuku troop, gave his
opinion on why Westerners are
ignorant about seppuku. “West
erners do not like a mess,” he
said. “Look at McDonalds, very
clean. Appreciation of seppuku
demands a higher understanding
of aesthetics. It demands that the
audience go beyond seeing art as
merely a comfortable, pleasing
and easily digestible commodity.
Art is an experience. A significant
moment in the lifetime of both
the artist and the spectator. My
troop uses seppuku as a means of
giving art back its significance. It
is a sacrifice of the artist so that
art, pure and undiluted, may
live.”
The demonstration will be held
in the Fireside Lounge at 2:30
p.m. Walch said that she expects
the turnout to be “pretty good.”
1 “The class is very excited,” said
Walch, “This is such a rare ex
perience. I’d like to encourage
every ope to come see it.” >
Smokers took to the offense
yesterday at CCC, when hoards
of them swarmed onto campus
tying up non-smokers and forc
ing them to have a cigarette.
Stan the Man, head of the
Gackamas Community College
Campus Constables (CCCCC)
said security issued no citations in
the incident. “After the first cou
ple of puffs everyone just seemed
to relax and unwind. Maybe
they’ll all die from cancer but at
least they’ll get some enjoyment
out of life.”
Later in the day the leader of
the smokers met with CCC Presi
dent John Keyser to discuss terms
for preventing further attacks.
After the meeting the college
released this statement; “Those
dam non-smokers have gotten so
uppity and self-righteous that we
are presently drawing up a plan
that would cut Out most non
smoking areas on campus. Non-
smokers can always step outside
if they want fresh air; they can get
all they want outside.”
Meanwhile, some of the ravag
ed non-smokers had some rather
surprising comments. “I’ve never
felt so relaxed in my life,” said a
nursing student.
"I can’t believe what I’ve been
missing. If smoking is this good I
wonder what sex feels like. I
might even try a beer!” said one
32-year-old lady.
While this is clearly a victory
for smokers they have no plans to
continue such attacks. “We had
to stop smoking for a full day
just to get up the nerve to pull off
one of these non-smoker-like
snits. I’m going to relax and have
a carton before I decide on my
next move.”
In other news out of the Presi-
dent’s Office a ban on cars on
campus goes into effect next
Monday. Keyser cites harmful
pollutants plus violent accidents
at the Beavercreek exit as tha
reason for this action. Students
can get to campus either by bus
or by walking.
1 photos by Joan Nb
Smokers used any weapons
available to overtake non-
smokers in their quest to
light up.
Clackamas trains contra troops
late last night.
Fearing a Nicaraguan invasion
of the campus today, Presdient
The college’s Environmental Reagan has authorized a
Learning Center is currently be batallion of U.S. Army Rangers
ing used to house and train the from Ft. Lewis, WA to parachute
Nicaraguan Contra rebels and the I onto the college’s track and soc
profits from the ELC’s paper and cer fields at noon today. Seven
glass recycling is being deposited teen units of thé Oregon National
in a Swiss bank account for the Guard will arrive oh campus later
Contras, an anonymous high today to paticipate in the
feyel White House official said emergency manuevers.
by Magdelena Ladd
Staff Writer
College President John Key«
and ELC Director Jerry Hen
mann were not available la
night for comment. Howevei
they were reportedly seen eatin
dinner at the Beavercreek Cal
with former Marine Corps L
Col. Oliver North.
Public Safety Chief Sta
Johnson is preparing his wor
study for the expected problen
n the visitors parking lots.