Sports
Sports off
C â ITI DUS
by Jerry Ulmer
Staff Columnist
Celtics taste own medicine
by Jerry Ulmer
LOMAX IS THE MAN - I
If the Seattle Seahawks
are serious about making a run
for the Super Bowl next year,
they can do something right now
to improve their chances. Neil
Lomax has been on the trading
block even since his Cardinals
drafted Colorado State QB Kelly
Stouffer in the first round, and
the Seahawks could use him.
Lomax would be perfect for the
Seahawks’ offense, giving them
mobility they can’t get from Dave
Kreig. Granted, the Seahawks
won their final six games last year
and Krieg did play well, but
he’s too inconsistent. There’s no
telling when he’ll revert to his old
form of tackling himself and
throwing bounce passes. Lomax
is the man, and he’d be thrilled to
come home to the Northwest.
EYE ON THE TIGERS-
Remember 1984, when the
Detroit Tigers made a mockery of
the big leagues by sauntering to
the title? Well, Sparky’s boys are
starting to play like that again.
Because of a slow start they are
mired in the middle of the pack in
the AL East, but their pitching
has been phenomenal of late and
it’s beginning to scare opponents.
Another 1984 sensation, the
Chicago Cubs, is making waves
in the NL East, Pitchers Rick
Sutcliffe and Stever Trout have
Wrigley Field excited again, and
newly acquired Andre Dawson
already has fourteen homers and
forty-one RBI’s. Could this be
the year of the Cubs-Tigers series
that everyone wanted in ’84?
BIRD NO CLASS- Larry as coach because he is curse
Bird once showed his lack of with a team with too muci
class in the Eastern Conference talent. C’mon, Pat. Budd
Finals. When Bill Laimbeer col Hackett could coach th
lared him and brought him to Lakers. If it’s any consolatio
the floor as Bird attempted a to him, his hairdo is the NBA’
lay-up, a fist-fight ensued. No slickest and it keeps Vid<
problem, but after both men Sasson in business.
Speaking of hair, why did th
had been restrained, Bird pick
up a basketball and chucked it Pistons pick up former Arizon
at Laimbeer. Why not pull his State star Kurt Nimphius if the
hair and hit him, too? Then didn’t plan on using him? A
Bird refused Laimbeer’s hand at least he could have put him i
to pick up a few fouls, insteac
the man with the Keith Pa
“Buddy Hackett could tridge hair was relegated to th
bench, a real shame.
coach the Lakers, ”
DUPE OF THE MONTI
The award for May goes 1
the start of Game Six. It’s in KGW-TV weekend anchc
teresting to see the Celtics react Steve Knight. After sports ai
to the brand of basket-brawl chor Joe Becker finished h
they created a few years ago. report that included quot
Bird’s antics show less class from Akeem Olajuwon from
then the time he told Moses playoff win in Portland, Knigl
Malone to eat you-know-what piped up, “If only the Rocke
during the Celtics victory would play as incoherently ;
parade in downtown Boston in Olajuwon talks.’’ Olajuwon
English is slow because he
1982.
THE MOUSSE IS LOOSE- Nigerian. Nice job, Steve. A
Pat Riley feels he is underrated you happy now?
Sports Guru offers answers to probing questions
by Jerry Ulmer
Columnist
The Print, by special arrange
ment, has the distinct priviledge
of having the esteemed Dr.
Gossamer Finesse, America’s
foremost sports fan, answer some
questions from his vast pool of
mail with his astute sporting
cognizance.
Q. What sport is the most bor
ing? R.A., Whittier, CA
A. Of course you mean soccer.
Soccer will never make it in
America because we have too
many sports that are actually ex
citing. Not much can be said for a
sport that’s highlights on the
deven o’clock news are balls that
came within thirty feet of the
goal. A bar mitzvah is more
entertaining than Liverpool ver
sus Ipswich on PBS. The most
exciting soccer I’ve even seen was
on Benny Hill. And how’d you!
like to go to a match and sit
behind one of those idiots waving
a huge flag?
Q. What was the worst draft
pick in NBA history? K.D.,
Findlay, OH
A. Much has been said on this
topic, but nothing can match
the blunder made by the Cincin
nati Royals in 1960. Due to a
huge scouting error, the Royals
selected Don Knotts, known to
many as Deputy Barney Fyfe on
television’s Mayberry, R.F.D.,
late in the first round. It seems a
Royals’ scout had heard of a
talented individual form LA’s
Comedy Tech, but failed to pro
be it further. The Royals made
perhaps a bigger mistake when,
in an attempt to cover the
blunder, they invited Knotts to
fall camp and he made the
team. A demon On the full court
press, Knotts was cut from the
team when it became apparent
he was easily rattled in pressure
situations.
Q. Please settle this argu
ment. I say that the first step in
making cheese is adding lactic
acid-producing bacteria to
sweet milk, and my husband
says that Tommy Lasorda is the
most obese and hideous
manager in all of baseball. Who
is right? L.M., Clearwater, FL.
A. Sorry, but your husband is
correct on this one. The first
step in making cheese is
separating the whey from the
curd by placing milk over very
low heat for several hours. Then
the curds must be pressed and
concentrated to remove
moisture. Take another look at
Lasorda.
Q. Do you have any political
views? K.C., Detroit, MI.
A. Of course I do, I feel very
strongly that our troops should
not be in third world countries,
but President Nixon’s doing a
heck of a job and I think this
Vietnam thing will be over very
soon.
lot of mail from viewers wil
this request and they are cu
rently working on a floor mil
that will bring this carnage ini
your living room. However, di
to the subject material, tl
games with the special mike wi
be carried on PRO FAN-ITY,
new pay channel that will I
available on you cable syste
sometime next fall. Games wil
Bill Laimbeer involved will co
extra.
Q. Is it okay to go to the
refrigerator during an extra
point? M.M., Arlington, TX
A. If the point spread is twen
ty points or greater at the time
of the touchdown, it is
allowable to skip the extra point
Q. Is there anyone in the spor
in order to fetch a beer. world more annoying than Bru
However, the viewer must Willis? P.F., Lancaster, PA
return to the recliner in time for
A. At one time it was thougl
the anti-freeze commercial.
that cliche mogul Vin Scully w
just as nauseating as Willis, bi
Q. Is there anything I can do that notion disappeared whe
to my TV so I can hear all that Bruce Willis continued beii
wonderful cussing during NBA Bruce Willis.
playoff games?
A. CBS has been receiving a
Student Health Services
Trailer B
Will be dosed over
Summer Term
Photo by Steven Ziolkowski
During a home game a Clackamas batter attempts to get on base via a bunt. This year
was a slow season, but hopes are high for a better season next year.
Page 24
See you in the fall
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