Sports
Off Campus Sports
by Jerry Ulmer
Staff Columnist
That thud you heard last week
ettled into third place. Suddenly
jeople aren’t as eager to tell you
hat their parents live down the
treet from Tom Trebelhorn’s
incle. Channel Eight’s Scott
^ynn hasn’t flashed any pictures
>f himself cajoling with
Trebelhorn in spring training for
juite some time. By the end of
he season the Brewers will be
ubbing elbows with the
Cleveland Indians, both victims
>f the Sports Illustrated cover
inx, and Lynn will be showing
Dale Murphy highlights instead.
The team that supplanted the
irewers from first place in the
American League East is the New
¡fork Yankees. The Yankees, se-
ond place finishers to Toronto in
85 and the Red Sox in ’86, have
inally found their missing ingre-
lient: pitching. Owner George
Steinbrenner went against his
onsultants’ advice to acquire a
nighty dog in pitcher Rick
thoden during the off season,
mt it’s the kibbles-n-bits that
iave made the difference.
Charles Hudson, a refugee
xom the Phillies’ organization,
vas 6-0 with a 2.02 ERA as of
day 18. Cecilio Grante and Pat
Elements came over with Rhoden
rom Pittsburgh as trade filler,
ind have been steady in long
elief setting up Dave Righetti.
These newcomers add to 'a staff
vhich already boasts rangy Den-
by Jerry Ulmer
Staff Columnist
Brewers back
on earth
vas the Milwaukie Brewers lan-
bng back on earth. The Brew
Zrew turned to Brew Stew as they
A fan with flair
nis Rasmussen (3-2,2.67 ERA)
and veterans Ron Guidry and Joe
Niekro. If Hudson continues his
surprising pace, the Yankees
won’t be touched in the AL East.
Hitting is not a problem for
New York. The Yankees climbed
into first place with Don Matting
ly hitting an unheard of .240.
That’s like .140 to everyone else.
When Mattingly wakes up, and
he will, New York could run
away and hide and start worrying
about who will pay for the ticker-
tape. If the Yankees don’t win
this year, Lou Piniella may be
working at Minit-Lube.
MISCELLANEOUS- How ’bout
them Bevos! To say the Portland
Beavers were slow out of the gate
during their 6-26 start is an
understatement - it’s more like
the gate was locked. One thing is
for certain, the parent Minnesota
Twins better have a good year,
because the future is dark down
on the farm. Do the Beavers
know there isn’t a draft lottery
for AAA baseball?....Sidney
Mancrief’s textbook body slam
of Danny Ainge in Game 6 of the
Boston-Milwaukie series was a
work of art. World Wrestling
Federation promoter Vince
McMahon Should stage a
rematch. I can hear Ainge now:
“Sidney, you offended me and
all the little Aingesters. I want
you and then I want Hogan.”
Dwelling amidst Cape Cod
society, beyond the whirr of city
engines on a Vermont hillside,
resides a most peculiar and driven
man. This man has a love which
snow cannot be shoveled upon.
He holds within the privacy of his
mind an encyclopedia of sports
trivia answers. He is Gassamer
Finesse, a doctor who retired 15
years ago in quest of a dream; to
become America’s biggest sports
fan.
It may sound easy, but it’s a
full-time job. Staying well-
informed is his top priority.
Magazines litter all the crevices
of his home, with particularly
large stacks in the bath rooms.
He watches at least five games
per day, maintaining surprising
poses and classy sportsmanship
while at home, only losing his
cool in ’80 when a horde of
over-zealous youths shoveled
snow into his satellite dish dur
ing a Providence-Seton Hall
basketball game.
Goss, as his friends call him,
insists that there is an art to all
aspects of being a sports
fanatic. “When I badger refs at
games, I do it with style,
penache, flair,” he says as he
folds up a USA Today and
stashes it under his dog’s bowl.
“Sometimes I bring whistles
and flags.”
To maintain his status he
feels it is necessary to remain in
obscurity. Goss knows he must
keep a “level head.” “Once a
fan gets notoriety, like Dancing
Barry of the Bullets or Crazy
George of the Billyball Oakland
A’s, they become a celebrity.
All those showboats want is at
tention. They become obsessed
with it, They’re not real fans,”
says Goss.
While spectating a Celtics
playoff game at Boston Garden
in ’76, Goss fell in the trap.
Livid at the sight of Dave
Cowens sixth foul, Goss, with
adrenalin in his veins and
peanuts on his breath, charged
the court to converse with the
official. One thing led to
another, and by the time Bean
town retreated to its Nar-
ragansett Lager that evening,
Goss had scored 14 points and
snared eight rebounds in Hush
Puppies and Banion shirt,
securing an overtime triumph.
His feat went unpublicized
because he left early to beat
traffic. Befuddled statisticians
gave his totals to Jim Ard.
“That ref was a yutz, but I
definitely lost my cool.”
Mind you, to Goss this is
much more than a hobby. If
he’s not viewing a game, then
he’s phoning various sports talk
shows, always insisting that
hockey coaches, like baseball
coaches should be forced to
wear the team uniform. “It’s
my own personal fight, and I
think I’m starting to make some
headway. All the other
schmucks who Call in want to
talk about lights at Wrigley
Field, the designated hitter,
Bucky Dent’s acting career or
Peter Ueberroth’s drug testing
plan. I don’t care about drug
testing.- I think Ueberroth
should worry about straighten
ing out his nose,” says a
worked-up Dr. Finesse.
Drug testing isn’t the only
topic Goss doesn’t care for. “One
night this guy calls up wanting to
talk about pro wrestling. I
couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t give
a rip whether ‘Death Camp’ Hof-
brau beats ’Blowtorch’Harris,
regardless of whether Hofbrau
uses the Gestapo Grip or not.
That’s not sport. And besides,
’Macho Man’ Savage cheats
every time he’s out there.”
Talking to a man with all-
encompassing sports knowledge
is fascinating. His impressions of
Portland: “A nice western town,
a clean town, a Burger King
town. If the Blazers don’t get a
tough forward, opponents will
keep running chin-up drills on the
rim. Harry Glickman won’t
televise a home game for free. I
hear even home movies at
Hany’s house are on pay-per-
view.”
Instinctively Goss grabs a bag
of Cheetos and a beer and heads
for his den. The buzz of his turn
ing satellite dish barely audible,
he nestles in his strat-o-lounger.
As the game starts, he slips into a
trance. The interview is over. As I
leave through the front door I
hear a muffled voice shout, “No
Way!”
Michelle Day
by Sherri Michaels
Staff Writer
Itudent
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“I live with softball and
homework,” said Michelle Day,
second baseperson for the Lady
Cougars.
Day, 19, played baseball in
fifth grade, took a year off, and
resumed playing in seventh grade.
Since then she has lettered four
years at Molalla High School,
been academically super, and
played exceptionally well.
“Softball takes a lot of time,”
said Day, but “it’s fun.” Though
for Day fun comes along with
pain as in the instance where at
the beginning of the season, she
broke the small finger on her
right hand, yet still kept playing
not knowing what had happened.
She also has been out with a
sprained ankle.
Day tutors math and can also
tutor chemistry, but due to her
full load is not able to.
As a wildlife major, Day has
many opportunities to observe
the different species of wildlife
that find their niches around a
creek on her parents’ farm. Day
lives with her parents and often
helps them with the work on the
farm.
So far her most exciting adven
ture for the school year has been
her trip to Hawaii with the
women’s basketball team.
Paga 7
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