Feature
Editor not dead,
damn
by Dean Grey
Editor
As you may have all ready
guessed, I’m not dead. However,
it is not within me to lie so I must
explain how I came to be among
the living once again (By the way
God is not a woman, nor will he
ever likely turn into one very
soon). My memory is a little hazy
when thinking back t the start of
my death, in fact there is a two or
three hour gap in my memory
from the time I look at the re­
mains of the skate until the time I
woke up in a tunnel with the pro­
verbial white light at the end. I’ll
start there.
It was a long tunnel that I
found myself in when I woke up.
There was an strange light casting
of warmth at the end of it and the
walls of the tunnel were a red like
that of burning coals. Now I
know what most of you are
thinking and so was I, so I took
off running away from the light.
After several minutes (about two)
of running I came across this old
man sitting at an intersection of
the tunnel.
He was relatively Old.
Of course all age is relative accor­
ding to the person’s point of
view. My point of view said this
guy was at least 70. He was wear­
ing blue jeans and a black Sex
Pistols’ t-shirt. In his hand was a
cigarette that was yellow from
age and wet from his lips but not
burning. I asked him where I was
supposed to go and he pointed in
the direction of the red light. I
didn’t want to go there so I tried
to step past him and continue
down the dark way of the tunnel
when he stuck his leg out, tripped
me, and pointed down toward
the light again puffing anxiously
on his smoke. For some reason I
felt I could bribe him so I check­
ed my pockets for a tempting ar­
ticle. All I found was a half pack
of Camels and a lighter. As I
pulled these from my pocket his
eyes brightened so I through
them a little way down the tunnel
in the direction of Hell. In
response he scrambled to the
pack. I took this opportunity to
run the way I wanted to go.
Sometime later I found myself
in a small room with what looked
like a K-Mart security officer. He
had a list of names that he would
check off when anyone would go
past him. To his right I saw a
line. From the experience I gained
on earth I knew this to be where I
should go, so I stepped in line.
I waited for a long time
before the line moved, but all
too soon it was my turn to find
the fate that awaited me.
“Next,” he said. I walked up
to him. Without looking at me
he called me by name and
assigned me to another line. As
I neared this other person, who
was to give me my destination, I
heard him assigning various
animal and people positions
back on earth. It was (hen that I
realized I had stumbled into the
reincarnation area of where ever
I was, I’ll call it “The waiting
place.” Almost thrilled, but not
quite, with the knowledge that I
would soon be back on earth
with another chance to improve
my life I hurried into yet
another line.
The familiar “Next” com­
mand was issued and my turn
was up. I sat down and the per­
son, it was a girl this time, look­
ed intently at me. “Dean
Grey?” she asked.
“Yes?”
“It says here that you didn’t
do too good on earth so I would
normally reduce you one or two
steps in the chain of worth, (The
chain of worth dictates what
you are reincarnated as. For ex­
ample, if you were a bad dog!
you would come back as a cat.)
But in this particular case you
are as low as you can go. Have
you ever been here before?”
“No.”
“In that case I have no choice
but to send you back as you
were, in other words Dean,
worms are reincarnated as you
when they are bad.”
From there I was put into a
tube and I woke up at home
normal (Without any radiation
side-affects). Not that I was
changed into a good person
-just myself with one more
cliance to do right, not that I
will of course...But maybe.
National Older Worker Week not pointless
by Marie Stoppelmoor
Entertainment Editor
Ever been afraid of losing
your job to your grandma?
March 9-13 was National
Employ the Older Worker
Week. As both Jean Sullivan
and Ellen Gagliardi can attest
this is not just another pointless
“awareness week” sponsored
by the government.
Ellen Gagliardi, a youthful-
looking 77 year old lady, attain­
ed employment partly because
of a seminar held on the
Clackamas Community College
campus during National
Employ the Older Worker
Week. Participating in the
seminar was Fred Meyer
manager, Tom Blumenfeld.
Jean Sullivan, Coordinator
of the Senior Job Program,
describes Ellen as “a very char­
ming, outgoing woman.”
Apparently, Fred Meyer
manager Blumenfeld agreed
since he hired her over several
other candidates. As Ellen
described it “I went in and Mr.
Blumenfeld interviewed me and
he said he would call me back
Monday because he had more
interviews. He called and I said
when do I start?”
Why did Ellen want a job at
the age of 77? “I don’t watch
much T.V.; I turn it on for the 5
o’clock news, but after that
there’s nothing to do in the even­
ing. I don’t have a love interest. I
decided I didn’t have long
enough to break in another
man.”
During the day Ellen does
volunteer work for Meals on
Wheels in Canby as a receptionist
Ellen Gagliardi was recently hired at Fred
•>» *»"
Meyer following National Employ the Older Worker Week.
and driver. “I meet a lot of peo­
ple on my route and I enjoy
them. They’re all very nice except
for one grouchy old man.”
How does it feel to be 77? “I
feel fine. So many seniors take
expensive medication, I feel
Her job at Fred Meyer as
customer assistance represe
tative is “so far I like it. Tl
managers are all really nice. I’
just getting so I can fir
everything when someone asks
As Jean Sullivan put it “This
lucky. I don’t get lonely, I don’t
get depressed and everything goes
along great for me,” Ellen
replied.
With some of the extra money
Ellen plans to “help my grand­
daughter out; she just moved to
Texas.”
a very strong trend right no1
hiring the older worker. Tl
market has reversed itself. Th
(employers) are finding them
be dependable and skilled.
“The big thing is dependable
Sullivan concluded.
MICHAEL J. FOX
There's no such thing as
an overnight success.
Brantley Foster took
two weeks.
THE SECRET OF MY-
S uccess
■
■ a HERBERT ROSS film ■ "THE SECRET OF MY SUCCESS” ■ HELEN SLATER ■ RICHARD JORDAN ■ MARGARET WHITTON ■
■ screenplay by JIM CASHj JACK EPPS, JR, and AJ CAROTHERS ■ STORY by AJ CAROTHERS ■ music by DAVID FOSTER ■
a RASTAR production
[pa
■ EXECUTIVE PRODUCER DAVID CHASMAN • PRODUCED and directed by HERBERT ROSS ■ A UNIVERSAL Picture
OPENS APRIL 10TH
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Clackamas Community