Entertainment
Excuses to party
by Bret Hodgert
Design Editor
We all need to celebrate. The
human race has been celebrating
for one reason or another since
the beginning of time.
If you are like most people,
you look forward to upcoming
holidays as an excuse to let it all
out and party. Let me ask you
this, “Why wait?” Through the
combined efforts of religons,
governments, and people all over
the world, we now have an excuse
to celebrate EVERYDAY! But
whatever you do, just don’t tell
the postal service.
“Party Excuses” will run every
week in The Print from now on.
This column will give you several
reasons to celebrate every day.
Wed., Feb 11- If you know
where Cameroon is, today is
Cameroon Youth Day. Today is
also Iranian National Day and
Japanese Empire Day. As far as
birthdays go, Thomas Edison
was bom on this day in Febuary.
Thurs., Feb 12- Amazingly
enough, both Charles Darwin
and Abraham Lincoln were bom
on this date in 1809.
Fri., Feb 13- Today is the start
of National Kraut and
Frankfurter Week. If you’re real­
WHERE:
ly smart though, you’ll skip the
cabbage and hot dogs and go to
C.C.C.’s My Bloody Valentines
Dance.
Sat., Feb. 14- What better
reason to celebrate than Valen­
tine’s Day? If you happen to be a
cult follower of Dionysus, today
is Viticulturists’ Day. Its said that
Dionysians go big for the wine
and merriment on this one.
Oregon became a state today in
1859.
Sun., Feb. 15- That ancient
Roman festival of Lupercalia
takes place today. Lupercalia is a
fertility celebration that started
centuries ago and is still
celebrated today. If. you are an
E.R.A activist, you will be happy
to know that today is Susan B.
Anthony’s birthday. Happy Bir­
thday Susie B.
Mon., Feb 16- Today is the
start of International Friendship
Week. It is also the start of the
Ponquet Acadian Winter
Festival. I don’t know what a
Ponquet or an Acadian is, but I
do know that Winter Festival
means Party.
Tues., Feb. 17- It looks like to­
day is actually fairly boring.
You’re on your own for this one.
Prof. Von Hergenshiemer:
the man with two brains
Dear Man w/ 2 Brains,
Where does the hair on our
heads come from? It is something
I have always wondered about.
Signed Wondering in O.C.
Dear Vondering-
Ver does ze hair come from is a
zimple qvestion to answer. Ze
hair on our heads is actually
vrooted deep in our nazal
passages. You vill notice zat peo­
ple who sniffle a lot hafe longer,
fuller heads of hair.
You vill also notice zat ze peo­
ple going bait hardly sniffle at all
and are constantly hafing to clip
the hanging nose hairs.
Ozer People hafe ozer theories
on ze same subject, but zen, dey
only hafe one brain.
Dear Two Heads,
Why are there so many dead
’possums on the road after it
rains?
Signed Grossed out at
Clackamas Community College.
Dear Grossed,
Ze first thing I vant to say is zat
I do not hafe two heads, I just
hafe two of ze brains. Please,
from now on, do not be such a
yutz.
In regards to your qvestion, I
hafe come up vit ze perfect
theory. Oppussums, being ze
scavengers zat zey are, like to
chew on ze dead vorms (that’s
worms you schmuck.) Anyvay,
after a rain zer are lots of dead
vorms in ze road.
’Possums, being ze intelligent
creature zat zey are, know zet ze
car driving on ze roads vill hafe
many dead vorms stuck in ze
tires. Ze ’possum, looking for ze
quick snack, inevitably meets the
inevitable.
Dear Man With Two Brains: I
How did you get two brains'
Signed S.M.
Dear S.M.
Ven I vas a small child, I vi
sucked up by a giant UFO. Ven]
vas put back on ze earth ten yea
later, I had two brains and ze vj
amounts of knowledge vith vichl
answer these qvestions.
Zis is not really true, but |
German doctors zat brainwash I
me to say zat, said zat zey von I
kill me if I said zat zey hl
operated on me experimentally, I
vas not suppose to say zat eithtl
so forget you heard it.
If you have a question for Tl
Man With Two Brains, pleafl
leave them in the box at the J
tivities office window. Profess!
Von
Hergenshiemi
(TMWTB)will answer as mail
questions as possible.
CC Mall
ADMISSION:
Clackamas Community College
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