FRANKLY SPEAKING
„by phil frani
communique"
A guide-nouveau speak
for those bewildered
By R.W. Greene
Of The Print
Edwin Newman still gigs for
NBC News, although the last
thing we saw him doing was
the mid-morning news for the
“David Letterman Show,”
where he occasionally suc
cumbed to snickers while par
rying Letterman’s feeble wit
and watching the show go
down the tube, so to speak.
Newman made a name for
himself, however, with two
best-selling diatribes against
what he saw as the desecration
of the English language. In “A
Civil Tongue” and “Strictly
Speaking,” he poured out ex
amples of jargon, obfuscation
and bullshit, and became a
minor-league celebrity himself,
and made a lot of money.
Most of us realize, of course,
that Newman.is yelling up a
rainspout packed with leaves.
Most of us grew up hearing
“maximizing the number of
students, of “free pupie’s”
and most don't notice;
language seems passe’ com
pared to the hurly-burly of the
videocassetterecorder world?
Tom Peterson, after all,~cuts a
more passionate, if offensive,
figure than Edwin Newman.
Still, new idioms can come
crawling out of the basement
into your own speech with
bewildering speed, leaving you
wondering how you just said
“all-right” (with that curious
maniacal lilt at the end of it)
more times in the last hour than
you said “and.” We present
two of what we have found to
be the most trend-setting forms
of speech.
“I Went...”
This is a brash young sapling
in the forest of the English
language, but which bums like
much deader wood. “I went...”
has replaced all kinds of verbs
like “said,” “replied,”
“argued,” “spat,” “told him he
was full of it,” and so on. You
“can hear vast monologues in
this style, thus:
■ “so, anyway, we were at this
party, and I saw her and I went
wow. And she goes, like, hey.
So I go over and she goes do I
want to check out the coats
in the bedroom, and I go
wow.” _
“I went...”, however, can
have infinite variations to it, by
using
the
ubiquitous
Onomatoeblam. This handy lit
tle de vide, which we think
comes from watching 10,000
Saturday morning cartoons,
can be inserted easily in place
of any adjective or adverb with
stunning effects, e.g.:
“So I saw the little saucer
coming out of the left side and I
went blam. and then another
sucker comes out the right side
and I go thwack, but then I
can’t turn in time, and rock hits
me, and blngghh, and I lost.”
Or, sometimes used to
describe the undescribable pas
sions:
/ “I tried to tell her that it just
wasn’t« working out and she
goes an hh, and I look at her
and go unnhh, so anyway
we’re gonna do it Saturday. Br
ing some Cuervo or
something.”
Or feelings of utter frustra
tion:
—Editor: “I tried to tell him
that he doesn’t know what he’s
talking about but he just went
nngghh.”
—Writer: “He tried to tell me
I was full of it and I just went
nngghh.”
—Another Editor: “I listened
to those guys arguing and just
went nngghh.”
—Another Writer:“NNG-
GHH.”
“You are...I am...”
This syndrome, though far
from unusual, is a far subtler
shade of beast. It is not so
much grammatical as spiritual:
staff
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covering the campus community as thoroughly as possible. Opi
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office: Trailer B; telephone: 657-8400, ext. 309 or 310
editor: Thomas A. Rhodes
news editor: J. Dana Haynes; arts editor: Amy DeVour;
sports editor: Rick Obritschkewitsch
photo editor: Duffy Coffman
political affairs: David Hayden
staff writers: Linda Cabrera, R. W. Greene
Tina Riggs, Sandi Langman
Tom Jeffries, Mike Rose, Susy Ryan,
Wanda Percival, Tracy Teigland
staff photographers: Ramona Isackson, Sue Hanneman, Karen
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typesetter: Kathy Walmsley; graphics: Lynn Griffith
cartoonist: J. Dana Haynes
adviser: Suzie Boss
Page 2
—No. 1:. “So anyway, I’m
moving this summer.”
^No. 2: “Yeah, I had an
aunt once that moved.”
You see how it works. Peo
ple who talk in “you are...I
am...” are convinced that
everything you say is about
them. It is impossible to per
suade them otherwise; if you
try, they stand around looking
at you with- hostile, bovine
gazes.
But the cerebral leaps
sometimes approach the
sublime:
—No. 1: “I hear Reagan’s a
junkie.”
—No. 2: “Let me tell you
about this Columbo I bought
once...”
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Like wow!
An editorial
for the mellow
People are really weird,
Sometimes the switches can man. Like, I don’t really dig
bring you to the point of pulling why everyone is having vocal
a knife. You can go into a long orgasms over so many things.
spiel about how you’re flunking Things like Scientific Crea
algebra, and they will nod their tionism, man. I can see what all
heads, say humph in sym the brouhaha is about, but like
pathy, and turn around and why is everybody shouting at
the top of their lungs, man?
say:
“Yeah, I know. Of course, They’re nothing but two
when I got my four-point, I theories, yet they’ve been
didn’t have the slightest trouble taken to court, and all those
things. Everyone is running
with the quadratic formula.”
around screaming like pom
As hard as all this may be to pous fools saying that they’re
master, we urge dedication and only one’s right.
practice. You may be pleasant
Like what’s the sweat, man?
ly surprised:
—No. 1: “Do you think What’s wrong with just waiting
they’ll sell me a half-bowl of until the experts come to an
agreeable theory as to how the
spaghetti?”
—No. 2: “Hey, my room world was created/evolved?
mate just got back from LA and Until then like, we could say to
we’re having a coke orgy. the students, “Like, we’re here
man, when we come up with
Wanna come?”
something, we’ll tell you
hokay man?” That’d be cool
man.
I know it’s spring, man. But
like that’s no excuse to scream
I know romance is in on
thoughts, or at least in mine
man. Like with creation, th
good guys eventually become!
higher form of beings, y
know? With evolution, man is
going to evolve into a higher
more mellow being, too. &
what’s the sweat, man?
I guess tonight they’re havini
some sort of debate about al
this stuff. Like, why a debate,
man? Why can’t they have a
rap session like the ones we
have in the lounge? We have
fun in the lounge because so
meone doesn’t always have to
be right or wrong.
Like it’s all relative anyway,
man.
feedback
Denny Smith
cares not
program, then they are entitled
to adequate safety re
quirements.
It will be interesting to see
To The Editor:
If you are concerned about Smith’s response to requests
nuclear power plant safety then from the Nuclear Regulatory
you must be concerned about Commission Chairman Joseph
the actions of Congressman Hendrie to allow nuclear plant
operation licenses prior to
Denny Smith.
The Gannett News Service public hearings. Government
reported on April 10th that needs to hear more, not less,
Smith is pressing for immediate from the people.
Many voters supported
licensing of 12 nuclear plants
prior to adequate review by the Smith because they felt he
Nuclear Regulatory Commis would listen to them. Now, we
sion of safety problems brought see Mr. Smith took a ‘deaf-ear’
to light by Pennsylvania’s to Washington D.C.
Three Mile Island nuclear acci Sincerely,
Representatives
dent.
In 1980, Oregon voters ex Bill Bradbury
pressed their concern over Margie Hendriksen
dangerous wastes produced by Wally Priestly
nuclear plants.
If citizens are going to be
forced to live close to nuclear
plants and risk their property
To The Editor:
and the financial integrity of
After reading R. W.
their local utilities by par
ticipating in the federal nuclear Greene’s article (“ASG Wastes
Johnson bad?
I’ll argue that
money on Speaker” April 29),
I couldn’t help wondering i
maybe there were two different
Kerry Johnsons. The Kern
Johnson that I listened to was
extremely helpful, especially
with his informative talk on hid
den communications. He not
only spoke about how often!
hidden communication is used,
but he also explained how it
could be applied to work and
school.
If R. W. Greene didn’t learn
anything from Mr. Johnson's!
speech, then I’m sorry. Peri
sonally, I would like to head
more lectures on hidden com-!
munication. Mr. Johnson
clearly wasn’t here just to sei
his cassette tape series. I can
remember Mr. Johnson recom
mending other books that he!
had found to be enlightening.!
Sincerely,
Paul Nastari
Student
Clackamas Community College