,----------- — Analysis—----------
Wilma and Fred corrupt youth
DR. Michael C. Koller Professor of Mental Health at Warped Tech
“Come on, Ricky, it’s time
for the Flintstones!” little Billy
shouted happily.
“All right, my favorite
daytime television program,”
Ricky answered intelligently.
This scene takes place
through thousands of Portland
area homes each afternoon at
4 p.m. as naive school children
turn on their sets to a half-hour
of blatant lies and misrepresen­
tations about life in general.
Parents must be made aware
of the gross injustice the Flin­ arrangements how could
tstones inflict upon our youth Wilma possibly be pregnant?
The effect of this on children
each afternoon. The networks
must be stopped from showing Watching could be disastrous.
They are being given a distor­
such a scandalous program.
In a recent program, Fred ted picture of the birds and the
becomes ecstatic with joy when bees, something that should be
he finds out beloved Wilma is explained by able parents and
not an unrealistic cartoon.
pregnant with her first child.
In another episode after
What’s wrong with that?
Nothing in itself. But if you Wilma has hack Pebbles, her
notice carefully, Fred arid daughter, Pebbles and Bam-
Bam, Barney and Betty’s
Wilma sleep in different beds at super human son, become
night. With such stepping rock stars, able to play in­
struments and sing at only
three months old. Impossible in
the first place and possible
dangerous to children wiewing
who decide they can. play their
big brother’s electric guitar and
wind up electrocuting them-
,selves.
Other scenes show Bam-
Bam lifting his father, Barney,
above his head and Bam-Bam
smashing him to the ground.
This is a protrayal of disrespect
of authority and a child wat­
ching might try to pick up his
father or mother and end up
crushed to death in the
process.
With these solid examples
given the Flintstones should
not be on the air. I hope you
will join me in the crucial
struggle to save4elevision from
the atrocities that will occur
from such dishonest programs
if they are allowed to be shown
to our already semi-corrupt
youth.
Commies find hobby on CCC campus
By Rusty Nails
more effective in dealing with the plane. The students later
campus protests, and basic requested to use metal from
Ten Russian students at the disruption. All 10 students the campus security cars, but
College are currently disman­ have served in two wars, and were refused.
tling the security trailer and have received special kamikazi
“We really need the cars no
converting it into an airplane, training after a specil war matter what their plans are..
said one security official.
simulation, held in Japan last They might want to fly around
The project stemmed from month.
all day, but we plan to stay on
one student’s desire to conduct:
The plane will be patterned the ground,“ said one security
security measures above after the Russian “Yak” which worker/
ground. His idea was well flew in World War I. To date,
Later in the week, the
received by security officials last the students have the plane students plan to visit the
Friday when an impromptu about half completed. The automotive department to
security meeting was held.
Russians, however; ran out of request scrap metal from as
The high-flying Russians feel trailer parts two days ago while many cars and trucks as
that aerial, security would be working on the tail section of possible.
Misprint Foreign Correspondent
Feeling sluggish?
Snails creep into menu
By Explains Canell
Of The Misprint
Great strides have been
made, for the Spring term, in
culturally. orienting, college
students, as tar as their eating
habits are concerned, accor­
ding to Lester Frederick, recen­
tly appointed ecologist and
dietician for the College.
Among the changes and ad­
ditions that have resulted from
Frederick’s presence on cam­
pus is the introduction of
escargot to the daily cafeteria
menu.
“These little escargot that will
be served are not imported
creatures,” he said. “They are
young and fresh, because they
are gathered every morning
from the Environmental Lear­
ning Center.”
.“This will save expense for
the center, because it will
eliminate snail bait costs, once
used when the creatures were
viewed as pests instead of a
rare delicacy.” “Local snails are
very superior for consumption
purposes, because you don’t
know what is' in the store-
bought ones,” he added.
Methods
of
preparing
escargot are virtually limitless,
according to Frederick, but in-
spite of this, cafeteria officials
have only one use in mind—a
tender and flavorful addition to
the salad bar menu.
Page 2
“Our goal is to finish the
plane before the middle of
April,” said Buster Golkofski,
one of thé pilots, who is
spokesman for the group.
After
completion,
the
Russians have planned a
Editor’s note: Hair ap*
pointment with Mr. Tangles
at 4:27 a.m.
protest simulation including live
dummies, constructed by the
airt department, tear gas, and'
bullets, if any actual disruption
exists.
“We plan to circle the cam­
pus, and continue to do so until
a riot starts. When that happens
we’ll be headed straight for the
action,” Golkofski said.
Woody Allen
entertains students
By Cylfyndilfi Balfacolfon
Not associated with the Misprint,
whatsoever
Famous humorist and actor
Woody Allen was on campus
last week conducting a
workshop on the topic of
humor.
Allen’s appearance is the first
in a series of one cultural event
to be held throughout the year
at the College, sponsored by
“Nobody’s Records,” which in-
cidently has a special on
albums this week at a low, low
price of only $11.98. One of
the albums to be sold is simply
called “The Dictators.” Al
Bum, the Misprint’s Music
Critic, wrote an absolutely fan­
tastic review erf' this album,
which appears on Page 11.
Nobody’s Records has the
largest selection of record
albums, cassette and eight­
track tapes in theTri-County
area. It also has basement
bargains on old, discarded X-
rated home movies someone
found in the city dump one
day.
Nobody’s Records is located
somewhere in the Tri-County
area, but due to a numerous
amount of lawsuits pending,
disclosure of its exact location
at this time is not feasible.
Editor’s note: This article
was to be written about
famous humorist Woody
Alien’s speech, but unfor­
tunately our cub reporter
fell asleep during the
welcoming speech by
Nobody’s
Record’s
proprietor. By the time the
reporter awoke, the only
person
left
in
the
auditorium
was
the
proprietor, so he inter­
viewed him instead.
No fooling . . .
The Misprint is an April
Fool’s issue. No fooling.
Not a word of truth has
been written on pages 1, 2,
15 or 16 of this issue.
The stories on these four
pages have been written for
sheer enjoyment and the
names have even been
changed (in some instan­
ces) to protest the innocent
or guilty or unknowing vic­
time in the context.
The staff hopes that the
readers enjoy the articles
as much as they did writing
them.
So it has been said. They
do not claim any words
written on pages 1, 2, 15 or
16, and will never own up
to them if they are asked.
Editor’s note: Tell staff
members that scientists
have found that candy
causes cancer. All candy
(especially chocolate) must
be confiscated and. held in
the editor’s office for safe
keeping.
Wednesday, April 4,1979