Analysis
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Wilma and Fred corrupt youth
DR. Michael C. Koller Professor of Mental Health at Warped Tech
“Come on, Ricky, it’s time
for the Flintstones!” little Billy
shouted happily.
“All right, my favorite
daytime television program,”
Ricky answered intelligently.
This scene takes place
through thousands of Portland
area homes each afternoon at
4p.m. as naive school children
turn on their sets to a half-hour
of blatant lies and misrepresen­
tations about life in general.
Parents must be made aware
of the gross injustice the Flin­ arrangements how could
tstones inflict upon our youth Wilma possibly be pregnant?
The effect of this on children
each afternoon. The networks
must be stopped from showing watching could be disastrous.
They are being given a distor­
such a scandalous program.
In a recent program, Fred ted picture of the birds and the
becomes ecstatic with joy when bees, something that should be
he finds out beloved Wilma is explained by able parents and
not an unrealistic cartoon.
pregnant with her first child.
In another episode after
What’s wrong with that?
Nothing in itself. But if you Wilma has had Pebbles, her
notice carefully, Fred and daughter, Pebbles and Bam-
Bam, Barney and Betty’s
Wilma sleep in different beds at super human son, become
night. With such sleeping rock stars, able to play in-
struments and sing at only
three months old. Impossible in
the first place and possible
dangerous to children wiewing
who decide they can play their
big brother’s electric guitar and
wind up electrocuting them-
.selves.
Other scenes show Bam-
Bam liftinq his father, Barney,
above his head and Bam-Bam
smashing him to the ground.
This is a protrayal ot disrespect
of authority and a child wat-
ching might try to pick up
father or mother and end
crushed to death in I
process.
With these solid exam]
given the Flintstones sh|
not be on the air. 1 hope!
will join me in the cru]
struggle to save television i
the atrocities that will ol
from such dishonest progil
if they are allowed to be shol
to our already semi-coil
youth.
Commies find hobby on CCC campus
By Rusty Nails
Misprint Foreign Correspondent
Ten Russian students at the
College are currently disman­
tling the security trailer and
converting it into an airplane,
said one security official.
The project stemmed from
one student’s desire to conduct:
security measures above
ground. His idea was well
received by security officials last
Friday when an impromptu
security meeting was held.
The high-flying Russians feel
that aerial security would be
Feeling sluggish?
more effective in dealing with
campus protests, and basic
disruption. All 10 students
have served in two wars, and
.have received special kamikazi
training after a specil war
simulation, held in Japan last
month.
The plane will be patterned
after the Russian “Yak” which
flew in World War 1. To date,
the students have the plane
about half completed. The
Russians, however, ran out of
trailer parts two days ago while
working on the tail section of
the plane. The students later
requested to use metal from
the campus security cars, but
were refused.
“We really need the cars no
matter what their plans are..
They might want to‘fly around
all day, but we plan to stay on
the ground,“ said one security
worker.
Later in the week, the
students plan to visit the
automotive department to
request scrap metal from as
many cars and trucks as
possible.
snails creep into menu
By Explaina Canell
Of The Misprint
Great strides have been
made, for the Spring term, in
culturally orienting
college
students, as tar as their eating
habits are concerned, accor­
ding to Lester Frederick, recen­
tly appointed ecologist and
dietician for the College.
Among the changes and ad­
ditions that have resulted from
Frederick’s presence on cam­
pus is the introduction of
escargot to the daily cafeteria
menu.
“These little escargot that will
be served are not imported
creatures,” he said. “They are
young and fresh, because they
are gathered every morning
from the Environmental Lear­
ning Center.”
“This will save expense for
the center, because it will
eliminate snail bait costs, once
used when the creatures were
viewed as pests instead of a
rare delicacy.” “Local snails are
very superior for consumption
purposes, because you don’t
know what is in the store-
bought ones,” he added.
Methods
of
preparing
escargot are virtually limitless,
according to Frederick, but in­
spite of this, cafeteria officials
have only one use in mind—a
tender and flavorful addition to
the salad bar menu.
Page 2
Ì
“Our goal is to finish the
plane before the middle of
April,” said Buster Golkofski,
one of the pilots, who is
spokesman for the group.
After
completion,
the
Russians have planned a
Editor’s note: Hair ap­
pointment with Mr. Tangles
at 4:27 a.m.
protest simulation including!
dummies, constructed by
art department, tear gas,
bullets, if any actual disrupt]
exists.
“We plan to circle the I
pus, and continue to do sol
a riot starts. When that hap]
we’ll be headed straight foil
action,” Golkofski said. I
Woody Allen
By Cylfyndilfi Balfacolfon
Not associated with the Misprint,
whatsoever
Famous humorist and actor
Woody Allen was on campus
last week conducting a
workshop on the topic of
humor.
Allen’s appearance is the first
in a series of one cultural event
to be held throughout the year
at the College, sponsored by
“Nobody’s Records,” which in-
cidently has a special on
albums this week at a low, low
•- price of only $11.98. One of
the albums to be sold is simply
called “The Dictators.” Al
Bum, the Misprint’s Music
Critic, wrote an absolutely fan­
tastic review of this album,
which appears on Page 11.
Nobody’s Records has the
largest selection of record
albums, cassette and eight-
track tapes in theTri-Col
area. It also has baseml
bargains on old, discarded
rated home movies soma
found in the city dump!
day.
Nobody’s Records is loci
somewhere in the Tri-CoJ
area, but due to a numerj
amount of lawsuits pendi]
disclosure of its exact local
at this time is not feasible. I
Editor’s note: This artll
was to be written aba
famous humorist Woo
Alien’s speech, but unfl
tunately our cub repo
fell asleep during I
welcoming speech
Recon
Nobody’s
proprietor. By the time]
reporter awoke, the
person
left
in tl
auditorium
was fl
proprietor, so he Ind
viewed him instead.
No fooling . .
The Misprint is an April
Fool’s issue. No fooling.
Not a word of truth has
been written-on pages 1, 2,
15 or 16 of this issue.
The stories on these four
pages have been written for
sheer enjoyment and the
names have even been
changed (in some instan­
ces) to protest the innocent
or guilty or unknowing vic­
time in the context.
The staff hopes that the
readers enjoy the articles
as much as they did writ!
them.
So it has been said. Th]
do not claim any wbl
written on pages 1,2,151
16, and will never own fl
to them if they are asked]
Editor’s note: Tell sw
members that scientifl
have found that can
causes cancer. All can
(especially chocolate) ml
be confiscated and held!
the editor’s office for
keeping.
j
Wednesday, April 4, 19