6
in other words
july7
2016
Better Parenting: Are You an Overprotective Parent?
By Sonia Spackman MA, MFT
Your kids have a lot of chances to
succeed and to fail. They need both to be-
come well balanced. Your daughter may
not be invited to the overnight party she
wanted, your son may blow his chance on
his ball team. Your kids will feel the re-
jection of their first breakup.
As their parent you want to be
their soft place to land, but if you take
away the learning from these experiences
by protecting them from problems and
from the consequences of their choices
you can cause them a lifetime of hard-
ship.
Ask yourself when you see your
child hurting or bored, do you go into a
“fix it” mode? Rather than allow your
child to experience the consequences of
their choices do you step in to defend
your child? Do you do any of these?
1. Contacting your child when they are
away from you.
2. Working hard to make sure your child
succeeds.
3. Constantly talking to your child,
spouse, friend, teachers to make sure ev-
erything is alright.
4. Not giving household chores.
5. Discouraging your kids from taking
risks.
What motivates you? Are you
wanting to look good in front of other
parents by helping your child look good?
Do you get over involved at school with
your child’s problems? Do you do your
child’s homework so your child can look
good to their teacher or other parents?
Have you lost your own identity because
you want your family to feel good?
If any of these things are things
you do, here are some ideas to try to
let go and help your child bloom into a
strong adult.
1. Trust yourself that you have helped
your child - and step aside and be there
only if advice is really needed or wanted.
2. Take a time out and let your child set-
tle an issue and experience the emotions
without you rescuing. This may help
them develop coping skills.
3. Instead of solving your child’s problem
let them suffer the consequences of their
own decision.
4. Ask yourself what’s the worst thing
that can happen when your child is facing
a situation. Let your child solve it unless
there is risk of severe mental or physical
harm.
5. Let your child make their own deci-
sions. They will learn about themselves.
6. Encourage your teen to make their own
choices otherwise they may never devel-
op good problem solving skills.
7. Let your child fix their own mistakes.
What’s Happening at the
Vernonia Library
Upcoming Events
Summer Reading 1016:
On Your Mark, Get Set…Read!
For children birth through age 14,
sign up at the library through July 22.
Receive free Oregon State Fair tickets
and other incentives. Enter a weekly
prize drawing for every hour you read.
Return your time log between July
25 and August 12 to choose a free
paperback book and enter a grand
prize drawing.
Upcoming Programs
and Performances (Free!)
“Move Like a Mammoth”
Wednesday, July 13, 10:30 am
For family audience with grade school
children, presented by a museum
educator from the Museum of Natural
and Cultural History (Eugene, OR).
Lego Challenge
Thursday, July 21, 4pm
Get a plate full of legos, a base plate,
and the challenge to create. Lego
creations will be put on display at the
library. For children K-6.
Stages Youth Academy Perfor-
mance of the Musical “Arf”
Tuesday, July 26, 10:30 am
Children’s performance group based
out of Hillsboro, OR. For a family
audience.
Reptile Man*
Thursday, July 28, 6:30 pm
Richard Ritchey is the Oregon
“Reptile Man” bringing live reptiles
to Vernonia. For children and
families. *Performance at the Cabin
in Vernonia (Scout Cabin) by Hawkins
Park
Writer’s Group
Thursday, July 21
3 rd Thursday of every month,
6 – 7:30 pm. For writers with all levels
of experience.
Book Discussion Group
Monday, July 25
Last Monday of every month,
5:30 pm
Selection for July: All the Light We
Cannot See by Anthony Doerr
Storytimes
Baby and Toddler Time
Mondays, 10:30 – 11:15 am
Songs, rhymes, books, toys, and
bubbles! For ages 0 – 3. Older
siblings welcome.
If your child hurts someone’s feelings let
your child realize the need for an apology
and fix it on their own.
8. Don’t get them things to amuse them.
Encourage them to do things for others to
think outside of themselves. It is unreal-
istic to think your child will be happy all
the time.
9. Teach your child to work through their
problems and then let them do it.
10. Get professional help if your family is
struggling with dependencies and attach-
ments that may be hindering your child.
Say goodbye to being an overprotective
parent by doing these things:
1. Encourage your younger children to
explore, climb and master new activities.
This will provide opportunities for you
and your kids.
2. We can become fearful when we watch
our kids learning to skate, swim, and
climb but this shouldn’t be translated into
fear for them.
3. Let go of your attachment to be an over
protective parent and find ways to release
yourself from your fears before you give
them to your children.
4. Let go and allow your kids to fall, make
mistakes, feel jealousy and suffer defeat.
5. Believe in your teaching as long as you
have done a good job of teaching them
about right and wrong. They are capable
of making good decisions.
6. Remember, before you run to rescue,
give them space even when they
are overrun with their own or your
emotions.
7. Learn to listen---then offer
suggestions. But leave the final decision
to them to handle on their own.
8. Let your teen suffer the consequences
of their choices. Do not intervene even
if it seems harsh. This will give them
a sense of responsibility in their future.
9. No is an answer. It is not a must that
City News
Preschool Storytime will resume
Friday mornings starting in
September
Library Hours & Contact
Monday, Wednesday, Friday:
10 – 5
Tuesday, Thursday: 1 – 7
Saturday: 10 – 4
Closed Sundays
Phone: (503) 419-1818
E-mail: library@vernonia-or.gov
Why is it harmful to be overprotective
parents?
If you are an overprotective
parent, there is a likelihood your child
could suffer the following effects as an
adult.
Limited Happiness
Children of overprotective parents tend to
suffer anxiety and depression. They may
feel the world is not a safe place.
Lower Confidence
Just like adults, kids gain confidence by
working hard toward goals. If you are
overprotective you limit their chances of
gaining skills on their own and feeling the
satisfaction of accomplishments.
Inhibited Growth
As a parent your job is to prepare your
child to be an independent and responsible
adult. If you are overprotective you
deny them the chance to mature. These
negative effects may lead children to
develop a poor self-image as adults. They
may become stubborn and have low self-
confidence. Some turn into rebels and
have problems conforming to rules and
the law. This is not what you want. You
want a happy, well-adjusted child that is
able to face life’s problems.
Resources: New Health Advisor, https://
www.distractif.com, 26 signs-you-have-
overprotective-parents-1197886422.
html, Living Parenting, 6 Things Over-
protective Parents Do Wrong, Charlotte
Alter, Over Protective Parents, New
Health Advisor, www.NEWHEALTHAD-
VISOR.com
continued from page 5
Mitchell told Council the California
Avenue Project is on temporary hold
until a plan to clean up debris has been
developed and approved by DEQ.
Mitchell told Council that staff
has completed and submitted all docu-
mentation to FEMA to receive reim-
bursements for expenses incurred by
the City during the high water event last
winter.
Mitchell told Council a mem-
ber of the Public Works staff has suf-
fered a medical issue and will be unable
to work for several months. The City is
in the process of hiring temporary help
to replace the employee.
Vernonia’s Voice
is published on the
1st and 3rd Thursday.
Look for our next issue
on July 21st.
Councilor Thanks VRFPD for Fire-
works Show – Councilor Bruce Mc-
Nair thanked the Vernonia Rural Fire
Protection District (VRFPD) for the
fireworks display on the 4 th of July, call-
ing it “the best fireworks I’ve seen in
the entire time I’ve lived here. Kudos to
all the people that put the effort into it,”
said McNair. “They did a great job!”
Story and Craft Programs
Every Tuesday, June 14 – July 19,
10:30 – 11:30 am for Pre-K through
Grade 5
your child gets what they want. Make
them learn that the world will not always
give them what they want when they
want it.
10. Let them be their own advocate. This
will help them know when to speak up
and be independent.
Friends of the Vernonia Public Library
Family:
Minimum:
Membership Dues:
$10.00
Individual:
$5.00
$1.00 plus 2 hours minimum of work in the library
Make checks payable to: Friends of the Vernonia Public Library
Mailing Address: 701 Weed Avenue, Vernonia, OR 97064
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