in other words/community
2016
Voices in my Head: I Whistle While I Work
By P.J. O’Leary
I whistle while I work. Anyone
who’s ever seen me delivering the mail
has caught me whistling at one time or
another. It’s just something I do. When
Christmas is over, Feliz Navidad and
Jingle Bell Rock are gently guided back
into their cerebral compartments and
replaced by my standard repertoire.
Show tunes, TV theme songs and
commercial jingles once again creep
in, sometimes taking me completely by
surprise. Resistance is futile.
Today, from left field (and
please feel free to explain the origin
of that expression for me), the Armour
Hot Dog jingle came out. The melody
is simple enough, but today for some
reason which I cannot explain, I started
thinking about the words. If you’re too
young to remember the Slinky, this may
not resonate with you. Here are the words
of the Armour Hot Dog commercial.
HOT DOGS, ARMOUR HOT DOGS,
WHAT KIND OF KIDS EAT ARMOUR
HOT DOGS?
FAT KIDS, SKINNY KIDS,
KIDS WHO CLIMB ON ROCKS,
TOUGH KIDS, SISSY KIDS,
EVEN KIDS WITH CHICKEN POX.
Okay, so I’m breaking this
down in my head now. It’s 1965 and we
are decades removed from any accepted
idea of sensitivity to marginalized
members of our society. Here’s the
conversation at the Armour home office
Marketing Department.
Lou (Marketing Director): “Benny! Our
market share is sliding; we need one of
them TV jingles.
Benny: “I’m on it Boss, and I’m so
close. What’s a good rhyme for Polio?
Wait, how about Chicken Pox? That’s a
good disease. Just tossing this out there-
kids who knit their socks?”
Lou: “God no. That’s something sissy
fat kids would do.”
Benny: “All good stuff! How about kids
who chew on rocks? Your boy Tommy
does that, doesn’t he?”
Lou: “Did! He did do that for Chrissakes!
He’s 22 now. He’s got a girlfriend-a
Dental Hygienist.”
Benny: “Hey, how about kids who climb
on rocks?”
Lou: “Yeah, yeah that could happen.”
They’re drawing a 41% share pushing
an inferior product. They don’t even
add brain. What do we say here Sid?”
Sid: “No brain, no gain.”
Bill: “That’s right Sid. Now give me
something we can use in a commercial
to get our market share back.”
Sid: “Yeah, so I’ve been looking at this
metaphysical kind of approach, where
you don’t just like eating wieners, but
actually wish that you were one.”
Bill turns back to the window, his
vacuous gaze embracing all of western
Cedar Rapids.
Bill: “You mean like ‘I wish I were an
Oscar Mayer Weiner? Something like
that? Yeah, so give me a jingle. Give me
a jingle about a boy who is so lonely and
desperately alienated that he’d rather
be cured and processed than spend one
more day in Mrs. Schmidlap’s fourth
grade class with Lucy Bailey who thinks
she’s too good for you and the rest of the
world.”
Sid approaches and places a
gentle hand on Bill’s shoulder.
Sid: “This isn’t just about the wieners,
is it Bill?”
Bill pulls away, sits in his oversized
Corinthian leather executive chair and
puts his head in his hands.
Bill: “Just have that on my desk by
Tuesday Sid.”
End scene and segue to the
Oscar Mayer Headquarters. Company
President Bill stares blankly from the
window of his second floor corner
office, barely noticing the Cedar Rapids
skyline and the hum of the four cars
which bustle by on any given day.
Sid: (Marketing Director and childhood
friend): “Hey Bill. What gives? You
look like you lost your best friend.”
Bill turns and looks directly at
Sid. Sid, expecting the playful chatter
which had become a staple of their
relationship, sees a glare which makes
So where was I? Oh yeah, I
him step back.
whistle while I work, like those Disney
Bill: “We need to crush Armour Sid. Dwarves. They’re kind of creepy.
other devices.
With a few easy steps, businesses can
comply with the new law by:
• Talking with your customers and
employees about the law
• Providing training to employees on
how to ask visitors and patrons not to
smoke or vape within ten feet of all
entrances, exits, accessibility ramps,
windows, and air-intake vents
• Replacing existing “No Smoking
within 10 feet” signs with signs that
include “No Vaping” at all building
entrances and exits. Signs can be
downloaded at: http://healthoregon.org/
morefreshair.
In Columbia County the toll
of tobacco is devastating. 1,891 people
suffer from a serious illness caused by
tobacco and 97 people in the county die
every year. 24% of Columbia County
11 th graders use non-cigarette tobacco
products. Non-cigarette tobacco use
3
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scott@vernoniasvoice.com
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Chip Bubl
Tobie Finzel
Karen Kain
Aaron Miller
P.J. O’Leary
Sonia Spackman
Grant Williams
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Indoor Clean Air Act Expansion
Beginning January 1, 2016
people may not smoke, aerosolize or
vaporize any inhalant in workplaces,
restaurants, bars, and other indoor public
spaces in Oregon. The Indoor Clean Air
Act (ICAA) law also prohibits smoking
and the use of inhalant delivery systems
within ten feet of doors, accessibility
ramps, windows that open, and air
intake vents. While ten feet is the
minimum required no-smoking setback,
an employer may voluntarily choose to
increase the amount of property where
smoking is prohibited, or to designate
the entire premises as smoke or tobacco-
free.
In 2015, the Oregon legislature
passed a law that expanded the ICAA
to include the use of “inhalant delivery
systems.” Inhalant delivery systems
are devices that can be used to deliver
nicotine and other substances in the form
of a vapor or aerosol. These include
e-cigarettes, vape pens, e-hookah and
january21
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on the 1st and 3rd Thursday
of each month.
Vernonia’s Voice, LLC
PO Box 55
Vernonia, OR 97064
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includes cigars, pipe tobacco, hookah
tobacco, chewing tobacco, dissolvable
tobacco, and electronic cigarettes.
Non-cigarette tobacco use among 11 th
www.VernoniasVoice.com
graders is 50% higher than cigarette
smoking rate.
In an assessment of Columbia
County retailers who sell tobacco,
Where do you read the
results show that 60% of stores sold
e-cigarettes. Among the same stores, Voice? Show us where you
46% sold candy or fruit flavored have traveled. Submit your
e-cigarettes. Lastly, 44% had tobacco
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products at children’s eye level (about 3
vernoniasvoice.com
feet) inside the store.
If you or someone you care
about is interested in quitting, contact
the Oregon Tobacco Quit Line toll-free:
up for the tobacco cessation workshop,
QUIT LINE at 1-800-QUIT-NOW (1-
contact Ashley Baggett, Tobacco
800-784-8669) or go to www.quitnow.
Prevention and Education Coordinator
net/oregon/.
at The Public Health Foundation of
Columbia County, (503) 397-4651
For more information on the ICAA law
x2007.
expansion, for assistance in adopting a
tobacco-free property policy, or to sign
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