16
in other words
january21
2016
Better Parenting: Thoughts on Swearing and Bad Language
By Cline/Fay Institute, Inc.
Presented by Sonia Spackman MA,
MFT
It hits us like a ton of bricks
sometimes. That sweet and innocent
child we are raising walks in the door one
day spewing forth a string of expletives
that knock us off our feet.
Sometimes kids use bad
language because they want to be like
their school friends. Sometimes they use
it merely to test or enjoy our reaction.
In many cases it is a mere rite
of passage, a phase children go through.
They hear older kids swearing and,
wanting to be like them, they develop a
new vocabulary.
We could respond with demands,
“You are not going to talk like that in this
house, so clean up that mouth!” Or we
could wash their mouths out with soap.
But then they would have to exert their
independence, and that won’t be fun for
us.
Solving the problem is a matter
of taking small steps. The first step
is to discuss where such language is
acceptable and second is to discuss
whether it is really needed at all.
Step One
“You seem to kind of like that
word, don’t you? You know, some kids
like those words because when they use
them their parents’ mouths drop open.
But the people who really know how to
use those words are the kind of people
who know where and when to use them.
I’m curious about how much you know
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about that? Would you guess—how
about when Grandma’s here for dinner?
Would that be a real good time to use
those words? Or in your classroom? I’ll
be able to know how grown up you are
by how well you can figure that out.”
One place where they learn
they cannot use these words is around
us. When the bad language comes out,
we say, “Is this the right place for that
language?” And, we repeat that question
as many times as possible until we get
the results we want.
Step Two
The time to discuss this problem
is when both our child and we as the
adult are being pleasant. One approach
is to address the child’s sense of worth:
“You know, son, a lot of people who use
that sort of language are people with a
very limited vocabulary. They don’t
know many words, so they pull out those
boring old swear words and use them
instead. They’re really easy words. You
know, I can sort of understand people
using them.”
“So, if there’s ever a day when
you feel dim-witted and you come out
with some of these words, I’ll try to
understand that it’s a time when you’re
feeling really crummy about your ability
to use the English language.”
Then we could drop the issue.
The language our kids will use in the
long run will be the language they want
to use. Hot anger on our part will possibly
delay their realization that swearing is
inappropriate.
In my private practice I often
took in some pretty tough talking kids.
I just smiled and told them that that kind
of language will give them muscles and
make them strong. Some looked at me
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like I was nuts.
I asked them, “Are you interested
in what will happen if you cuss in my
house?” If they said no I would just say,
“How sad for you.” If they said yes, “I
said, well, for every cuss word you will
do twenty-five pushups.” Then I would
say, “Please give me a cuss word so we
can practice the pushups and you can
see how it works.” Their response was
usually, “No way.”
Sometimes a kid would say
“I don’t care, I won’t do them.” I said,
“That’s okay, you will figure it out.”
Then when it happened and they refused
to do the pushups I took the TV, video
game, and basketball to my friend’s
house. He did not get dessert, soda or
treats or outings until the pushups were
done.
One 16 year old kid I got had
1,800 pushups. He had to drop off
his basketball team and lose many
privileges until he made a contract to do
200 pushups a day. When he worked up
to that amount he became very strong
and played baseball very well in the
spring after they were done. It took
quite a while. In addition to cleaning
up his language it built his self-esteem
to complete this challenge. He felt good
about his accomplishment.
In closing I will add this: say
what you mean and mean what you say.
Do not cut back the pushups or give
them a deal because it will take too long.
This is not productive in the long run.
The tougher the kid the tougher
the consequences. I had a couple of
tough kids that their probation officer
said will never do them. The kids have
to know in their hearts and mind that you
care about them for this to work. And
you have to have the humor, time and
patience to make it work.
If there is a subject or a skill
you would like to develop as you are
raising your children feel free to e-mail
me and I will be glad to help if I can.
soniaspackman@msn.com
FIRST Robotics continued from page 14
a device that allows it to operate auton-
omously as well as communicate with
an operator during the student driving
portion of the challenge.
At the league final competi-
tion Redshirts made it all the way to the
quarterfinals and just missed making it
to the finals. Redshirts finished in 7th
place for the season out of 18 teams in
their league. Squirrell?! finished their
season in 10th place. Neither team
qualified to advance to state.
This is Vernonia’s second year
competing in FTC. “All of the team
members from last year have comment-
ed about how much more they under-
stand the tasks, the stages of building
a robot, and the various techniques we
use to accomplish the tasks,” says Ely.
Beyond robot building, Verno-
nia’s FTC teams have been fortunate
to be awarded two 3D printers over the
years. The team also uses computer
aided design software to create parts
and models for the robots (or sometimes
just for the fun of it). This is just one
of the aspects of the program beyond
robot building. With science and tech-
nology being the focus of the program,
that allows kids to follow their interests
with all the tools readily available in the
school.
“FIRST brings with it great
scholarship opportunities at the state
and national level along with student
internships at many companies in the
Portland metro area,” says Ely. “Our
goal is to build a sustainable robotics
program at Vernonia that students of all
ages can take part in.”
It’s never too early for students
to discover STEM and STEM concepts.
There are programs available through
FIRST for students ages 6-9 and 4 th - 8 th
grades as well. Unfortunately, these two
programs are not currently available in
our area. These programs could be a re-
ality for our younger students if there
are mentors and volunteers willing to
start and run these programs for the
younger students. All the information
you need can be found at www.firstin-
spires.org .
FIRST LEGO League Jr is
designed to introduce STEM concepts
to kids ages 6-9 while exciting them
through a brand they know and love −
LEGO ® .
FIRST LEGO League teams
(up to 10 members, grades 4 th -8 th ) re-
search a real-world problem such as
food safety, recycling, energy, etc., and
are challenged to develop a solution,
while being guided by two or more
adult coaches. They also must design,
build, and program a robot using LEGO
MINDSTORMS ® , and then compete on
a table-top playing field.
All of these programs allow
for tomorrow’s innovators to practice
imaginative thinking and teamwork.
FIRST Robotics is the “hardest fun,
you’ll ever have!”
For more information about
the FRC Team please contact, Camrin
Eyrrick, by email at eurichclan@gmail.
com.
For more information about the
FTC Teams please contact, Susan Ely,
by email at coolcowz1@yahoo.com.
VHS Winter Sports continued from page 12
bit different with teams wrestling in
head to head competitions, which was
difficult for the Logger’s small squad
that was only able to put wrestlers out
in seven weight classes.
Vernonia defeated Heppner 34-
29 in their opening round with Williams
at 126, Hensen at 145, and Harbour at
152 all recording victories along with
several forfeit wins. The Loggers lost
to Myrtle Point 48-29, with Williams,
Hensen and Harbour once again
notching wins. Against the mighty
Culver team, the Loggers fell 71-12
with Williams getting the only win
for the Loggers that wasn’t a forfeit.
Vernonia battled to a tough 31-30 loss
to Neah-Kah-Nie in the 5 th round with
Amanda Rose Sicard getting a win at
120, along with Nick Bennett at 138. In
their final matchup of the tournament
the Loggers fell to Elgin 41-36 with all
the Loggers points coming on forfeits.
