Vernonia's voice. online resource (Vernonia, OR) 2007-current, April 03, 2014, Page 6, Image 6

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in other words
Better Parenting: Never Lie to Your Kids
By Sonia Spackman  
A  parenting  trainer  once  said 
that perfect parenting is not a matter of 
keeping  up  with  the  Joneses,  (whoever 
they  are)  or  having  perfectly  groomed 
kids to show off to our relatives.  Let’s 
be  real,  parenting  kids  is  a  demanding 
Why do you lie to your kids? Parents 
can make themselves into liars.
“Susie, you have to eat your dinner be-
fore you get ice cream and cake.”
“Yes  you  may  go  to  the  ball  game  on 
Saturday if all your chores are done.”
If Susie gets cake and ice cream no mat-
ter  the  reason  or  John  goes  to  the  ball 
game  and  his  chores  are  not  done  you 
were not telling the truth. This was false, 
they  were  lies  and  you  became  a  liar. 
Once  you  say  something  you  must  im-
pose it. Each time the behavior happens 
the consequences need to happen.
same job:  your boss ignored your work 
and  then  threatened  you  because  your 
work  wasn’t  done  when  he  wanted  it?  
Young  children  think  in  terms  of  right 
or  wrong-  black  or  white.  Children  are 
concrete thinkers they do not understand 
the gray areas very well and become be-
wildered or insecure when you don’t do 
what you say.
Should I be a strict parent or an easy
parent? Studies  show  that  inconsis-
tency  in  the  home  can  be  damaging  to 
children  because  they  can  never  feel 
secure  in  a  world  they  do  not  under-
stand. Inconsistent love and inconsistent 
consequences confuse the children. If a 
child is punished for a certain behavior 
every  time,  it  makes  sense  to  him.  To 
get  in  trouble  sometimes  and  get  away 
with  behavior  other  times  is  confusing. 
It would be easier for a child to adjust to 
a strict home, or to a parent who is easy 
than to go back and forth. Do not be too 
strict. How severe the consequence is, is 
less  important  than  the  CONSISTANT 
use  of  it.  SAY WHAT YOU MEAN,
How do I get off track? If we are real, 
we will admit that we make excuses for 
our efforts because we want to do as we 
please. Doing as we please in our fami-
lies  is  what  gets  us  off  track.  Hit  and 
miss parenting produces hit and miss re-
sults with our kids.
How do I start? Remember when  you 
start that it is “short term pain for long 
Why do humans need order and consis- term gain.” Decide on a short list of be-
tency?  It brings us a sense of security.  haviors you want to stop or start. If the 
When  parents  are  inconsistent  a  child  kids are old enough have a family meet-
doesn’t  know  what  to  expect  because  ing  and  explain  the  behavior  you  want 
his  surroundings  are  unpredictable  and  to stop or start and the rewards or con-
confusing.  Imagine  if  you  had  a  job  sequences. Allow the kids to help in de-
where you could come in late and noth- ciding the final list. Make sure that you 
ing  happened,  but  sometimes  you  were  pay  attention  to  their  behavior,  by  giv-
severely  reprimanded?  Imagine  this  ing rewards or consequences each time. 
The  rules  have  to  stay  the  same  if  you 
are having a bad day or a good day. Once 
you  have  consequences  for  a  behavior 
you must do it each time. Each time the 
behavior happens the consequence hap-
privileges  that  should  be  for  arguing.  2 
You are rewarding arguing by allowing 
the music. 3. You are letting your child 
disrespect  the  rule.  4.  You  are  training 
her to argue in the future because there 
is a payoff.
Should I give them a break once in a
while? Stick to the rules! The rules and 
consequences  need  to  stay  the  same. 
Let’s  say  that  your  rules  have  been  in 
place  for  over  a  year  and  you  decide 
to  make  an  exception  and  give  them  a 
break.  This will be a mistake. Your child 
will  misbehave  more  often  looking  for 
the next exception. “If my parents did it 
once, they’ll do it again.” 
What if my child thinks I am being un-
fair or cruel? One of the characteristics 
of a great parent is in the determination 
to do what is right and what is best for 
the  child  rather  than  what  is  most  con-
venient for the parent.  Stick to the rules, 
if you don’t, your kids will lose respect 
for you. Keep the same consequences for 
the same behaviors on good or bad days.  
Let  your  words  always  be  the  truth.  
Make an issue of truth. The kids will see 
Why don’t my kids listen to what I you as the model and put it in their hearts 
say? They do not listen because we lie  and minds. 
to them when we do not follow through 
with what we say. We train our kids not  What if an unexpected behavior hap-
to  listen  to  us  when  we  say  things  that  pens that’s not on our list?  If your child 
do not happen. It destroys credibility and  does something that was not on your list 
trust.  Kids only pay attention to what we  of  behaviors  and  consequences  say:  “I 
do and not to what we say. They become  am unhappy, I do not want this to hap-
parent deaf.
pen again, the consequences will be -----
-----.  Feel free to bring the incident up at 
When is it OK to negotiate conse- the next family meeting.” Then add the 
quences? NEVER!  Once the rules are  information to all the copies of the list. 
in place, they can only be negotiated at 
the family meeting.  If lost stereo privi- Are there pay offs for not lying?  Yes! 
leges were for arguing over the volume,  #1. When you tell them “no” they don’t 
you must make it stick. Do not let them  argue because they know it will be use-
talk you out of it by bargaining with you.  less.  #2.  They  do  their  work  because 
“Mom,  please,  can  I  please,  this  is  my  they  know  the  promised  consequences 
favorite music, I’ll lose it tomorrow.” If  will surely take place. #3. You tell them 
you do this, you become a liar. You also  once, and they listen.
invite begging and bargaining about con-
sequences  in  the  future.  In  other  words  Resources: Dr. James Jones, Family-
if  you  negotiate  now  -  here  is  what  is  hood Education Foundation, C. Harri-
happening:  1. You are not taking away  son, GOODKIDS
Creature Comforts ~ Spring Cleaning
Michal Smith
Spring has sprung and once again it’s time for 
cleaning - your pet! We provide full spectrum groom-
ing services from cute poodle cuts with pom poms to 
lion cuts with full manes to full body shave downs.  Our 
groomers do it all!  All “Bath” and “Full” dog groom-
ing services always includes a good brushing to remove 
mats, debris and loosen dirt and dander before the bath, 
customized  shampoo  and  conditioner,  nail  trimming, 
ear  cleaning,  anal  gland  expression  (if  needed),  fresh 
breath  spray,  and lots of one-on-one attention the en-
tire  session.    Grooming  does  require  an  appointment 
but it’s well worth the effort for the results.  
For the Do-it-Yourselfer that doesn’t want  the 
mess of giving the dog a bath in their bathtub, use our 
“U-Wash” and leave the mess to us!! For only $15.00 
you  have  access  to  our  tub,  shampoos,  towels  and 
tools! BYOT (towels) and get $2.00 off ~ AND, after 
every third U-Wash, the fourth is FREE!!  Now that’s a 
“local-lovin” deal.
For  those  washing  at  home,  we  carry  several 
types of shampoo and conditioners including those to 
kill and repel fleas and ticks; natural oatmeal for sen-
sitive skin, hypoallergenic formulas for extra-sensitive 
skin types and very fragrant. 
Clean is one thing and comfort of our pets is 
another. One easy way to ensure your dog is comfort-
able  on  walks  around  the  lake  or  even  just  running 
around  the  house  is  to  keep  their  nails  trimmed  back 
so they don’t impact the foot on each down step. This 
will not only keep the dog happier and anticipating the 
walk, it may keep bigger issues like lameness, arthritis, 
and spinal pain at bay.  Creatures offers nail trims by 
appointment  but  once  the  nails  have  been  left  long  it 
may take a series of trims every couple of weeks to get 
the “quick” to retract back to a healthy length.  
If you haven’t ventured into the store in a while, 
worn out
and rusty?
Need body
Meyer’s Auto Body
•493 Bridge St•
make it a destination and plan to take your time look-
ing  around.  In  addition  to  our  grooming  services,  we 
offer kitten/cat and puppy/dog vaccination sales and/or 
administration.  Alongside our great product selection, 
you’ll see the Melissa & Doug line of high quality and 
educational toys and gifts for infants to tweens- along-
side pet supplies, food, large animal tack, supplements 
and supplies, saddles and many other unique items for 
both animals and humans alike. 
Open Mon-Fri  10-6pm; Sat 10-5pm; Sun 12-
4pm call 503-429-PETS(7387). 
Vernonia’s Voice is published
on the 1st and 3rd Thursday.
Our next issue will be
out April 17th.
Call your LOCAL tax preparer
Edi Sheldon 503-429-1819
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