community/classified ads
march27
Better Parenting: Understanding Our Kids and the Four
Reasons for Misbehavior
By Sonia Spackman, MA, MFT
It wasn’t easy to learn to read or
ride a bike. Each skill took working at it.
It took time and practice. Being a parent
is a skill we can learn and improve, and
get better with time. Let’s start with
understanding our kids and then get
strategies.
WHAT IS IMPORTANT?
Before we begin we need to
decide what we can reasonably expect
from our kids. Each child is a special
mix of traits and behaviors that will not
change. Some kids are more sensitive
and some are more stubborn. Boys and
girls tend to think and react differently.
Some traits may lesson or grow, but
most likely will not go away. Other traits
that affect the way kids grow and behave
are mentioned below.
WHAT HAS TEMPERAMENT GOT
TO DO WITH IT?
Temperament is about a kids
own style. Temperament has nothing
to do with being smart or talents they
are born with. It is what your child is
born with. Some kids love to be active,
surrounded by people and some are calm
and like to be alone. Do you have a child
that needs more sleep, prefers to go to
the library rather than the ball field?
When we pay attention and
accept our kid’s temperaments we gain
understanding. This will help us to enjoy
our kids and understand how to guide
them in ways that help them.
WHAT HAS HEREDITY AND
ENVIRONMENT GOT TO DO WITH
IT?
Heredity means traits that “run
in the family.” Our kids get these
traits from us, such as eye color, and
body build. Some people believe that
behavior is inherited and some believe
that behavior comes from the people,
places and experiences in a child’s life.
We can’t change heredity but
the environment our kids live in is the
most easy to change.
WHAT ABOUT ROLES FOR BOYS
AND GIRLS?
Over the years the world has
changed what the expectations for girls
and boys behavior should be. As parents
we need to understand that both boys
and girls can feel teary or aggressive.
We need to expect that boys and girls
can help equally with the family chores.
WHEN ARE KIDS OLD ENOUGH TO
KNOW BETTER?
Children go through big
developmental changes at different ages
where we can expect certain skills and
behaviors from them. However, each
child develops at his or her own rate. A
child who is eight can still believe in the
tooth fairly where another child the same
age doesn’t. Teen hormonal changes can
affect behavior and maturity levels.
WHEN CAN I EXPECT MY KIDS TO
COOPERATE?
All the information above can
affect kids’ behavior, but that is not the
whole story. Kids act in many different
ways. Some parents see a behavior and
blame it on something else; while other
parents think misbehavior is normal for
kids. Expectations are powerful. Our
kids can sense our expectations, and
when they do, they try to live up to them
or down to them, what ever we expect.
This means that if we expect negative
behavior we may be inviting it! Wouldn’t
it be better to expect cooperation? We
may or may not get it, but we can have
it as the standard to help them become
more responsible with time.
WHAT ARE THE FOUR GOALS OF
MISBEHAVIOR?
When kids misbehave, they
have a goal. They may feel the way to
belong is by:
Attention
All kids need attention. But
some kids seem to want it all the time. If
they can’t get it in appropriate ways they
will seek it by misbehaving. Usually
doing something that is very irritating
to you, and when you are dealing with
the behavior to correct your child – your
child is getting attention, and it won’t be
long before your child will want more
attention.
Your child may get attention in
a passive way by doing nothing so you
will wait on him or her.
Power
Some kids feel like being the
“boss’. The goal is power. If your kid
Classified Ad Rates
$5/month
Rideshare/Carpool Ads FREE
FOR RENT
Cute 1 bdrm/1 bath stick built house for
rent. Fenced yard and detached carport. Lo-
cated in Vernonia. $600-$650 depending on
term of lease. 1 month deposit. No pets. Call
Joe 310-666-3523
Room for Rent Vernonia, available now.
$425/mo. Unfurnished/furnished, storage
avail, large fenced yard, dog/cat ok, smok-
er ok (outside only). All utilities included,
DirecTV and DSL included. W/D, covered
deck area and hot tub. 503-780-2098
$701 - 3 bdrm, 2 bath townhouse now avail-
able. Stop in for a cup of hot coffee & a tour.
Income restrictions apply. Water, sewer, gar-
bage paid. Equal Housing Opportunity. 503-
429-6052
3 Studio Apts. Available - 409 Rose Ave.
$400 month, $400 deposit. Call Tim 503-
396-3371
Self Storage - Fine, insulated storage units
in Clatskanie. 20 sizes, on site managers -
John & Kris Lillich. Visa/MC/AmEx accept-
seeks power he or she is telling you “I’m
in control”, “You can’t make me.” Or
“Do what I want.” Your child may yell at
you or refuse to budge. When your child
seeks power, you feel angry. If you argue
with your kid he or she will argue right
back. If you give in, your kid has won
the power struggle. Your child may do
what you want slowly or sloppily. The
message is passive power. Your kid is
telling you without words: “OK, I’ll do
it. But I will do it my way. You can’t
make me do it your way”.
Revenge
When your child wants to be the
boss and can’t win in a power struggle
with you they will decide to get even.
This goal is revenge. Your child will say
or do something to hurt you, or stare at
you. The result is you feel angry and
hurt. And this could become a growing
war where both of you are angry and
hurt.
Acting Helpless
Some kids just give up. They
want you to leave them alone. They are
trying to tell you, “I can’t do it.” When
ed. 503-728-2051
SERVICES
Guitar Lessons all styles, taught by a pro-
fessional with 30 years experience. $25/hr.
John 503-235-8996
Photo Restoration and enlargements. Save
your family photos before they’re gone
forever! Have your pics digitally repaired,
enlarged or copied. I will pick up & deliver.
Call 503-980-3289
Safety Course Classes - Required for the
Oregon Concealed Handgun License-fulfills
application requirements. Also personalized
firearms proficiency training classes avail-
able. Small classes ensure individual atten-
tion. Local and flexible scheduling. Please
call 503-429-7342 for details.
FOR SALE
Free-Range Duck Eggs for Sale --Allergic
to chicken eggs? Try duck eggs. Great for
13
your child gives up you do too. When
this happens your child’s goal has been
met. Now this helplessness usually only
happens in a certain area of your child’s
life, like schoolwork, sports or some
other activity where your child feels
unable to succeed.
Your kids don’t always know
that their behavior has a goal. Your kids
may use the same tactics for different
goals. However, we can control how
things turn out or reinforce it by our
own behavior. The charts below quickly
outline behaviors, reasons and some
ways to solve them.
HOW DO I GET THE 4 REASONS
FOR MISBEHAVIOR CHARTS?
You may pick up copies of the
charts from STEP on the table at City
Hall or on the counter at the Vernonia
Library.
There are three charts, for
toddlers and preschoolers, for grade
school age and one for teens.
Resources, STEP, Systematic Training
for Effective Parents, AGS
Vernonia’s Voice is published twice each
month on the 2nd and 4th Tuesday.
Look for our next issue April 10th.
Serving since 1953
TUALATIN VALLEY
Fuiten, Rose & Hoyt
FUNERAL ALTERNATIVES Funeral Home & Crematory
Direct Cremation $ 675
Cremation Services Provided By
Hoyt Crematory, Forest Grove
Direct Burial $ 875
Plus Cemetery Costs
Providing personalized services
Caskets • Markers • Vaults • Urns
www.tualatinvalleyfa.com
(Beaverton) New Location
12270 SW First St. • 503-641-9060
(Hillsboro) 237 West Main St.
503-693-7965
CLASSIFIED ADS
FOR RENT
2012
Third Generation
Family Owned & Operated
Jeffrey and Kathryn Hoyt,
Gregory and Rachel Hoyt,
Samantha Humphrey,
Ross Mathews,
Dan Raney,
Peni Flores
Attendant: Ray Pelster
Gregory and Rachel Hoyt
2308 Pacific Ave., Forest Grove 503-357-2161
741 Madison Ave., Vernonia 503-429-6611
E-Mail: Fuitenrosehoyt@aol.com
Website: www.fuitenrosehoyt.com
Serving since 1873
Forest Grove Memorial Chapel
2308 Pacific Ave., Forest Grove 503-357-3126
Serving all cemeteries for
marker sales and installation
To place an ad call: 503-367-0098
email: scott@vernoniasvoice.com
FOR SALE
HELP WANTED
Baking. $4 per dozen. 503-429-7342.
House for Sale Possible owner contract with
low down. Two homes: double lot on quiet
dead-end street in town. Main house has 2 or
3 bedroom, 1 bath and needs repair but is liv-
able. Second home is unfinished. Property is
at end of road on large lot with 2 car carport
and greenhouse. Great investment property!
For more information call 503-308-2073 or
503-351-1934.
Firewood for sale - Well seasoned fir, split.
Mist 503-438-8344
Treharne Firewood Service-- Fir cut, split
and delivered - $170/ cord local. Jerry
Budge 503-429-1811
Help Wanted--Seasonal Employment--
Cedar Ridge is preparing for their spring and
summer season and are currently hiring for
part-time kitchen help. Daytime, evening
and weekend shifts available. Have fun, meet
new people, earn extra money! Applications
available online at www.visitcedarridge.com
or call 503-429-2801.
Upper Nehalem Watershed Council is
looking for (on call, part time, seasonal)
tree planters. Must have reliable transporta-
tion, valid driver’s license and car insurance.
Contact Steve Sorbets: stevansorbets@ya-
hoo.com for an application.
WANTED
I Buy Guitars, amps and other musical in-
struments. Call John 503-235-8996
Purchase on Contract- 5+ acre property.
Contact Andrew, 503-728-2908
VA C AT I O N R E N TA L S
Rockaway Beach House - Two/2 bedroom
units. $95/$115 or both $200. Stay 5 nights
and the next 2 are free. Pets allowed with
fee. Check our website for more info www.
pcez.com/~flyby or call 503-556-5850
