welcome/opinion
february 9
2010
from the editor...
Your Love is Better Than Ice Cream:
A Valentine For My Wife
What are some of your favorite things--
the things you would give up just about anything
for? The things that make you anxious with
anticipation; the thing that you reward yourself
with when you need or deserve to be rewarded;
the thing you think of as a real treat? Is it pizza?
Chocolate? Ice Cream? A day at a spa or a day
shopping or fishing with a good friend? Snug-
gling up alone with a cup of tea and a good book
in front of the fire or a day in the garage under
the hood of the car you’re restoring? How about
like Julie Andrews sang in the Sound of Music:
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. Or
cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels, or
snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes?
OK, OK, this is suppose to be a Val-
entine, but it’s already starting to spiral out of
control. When I initially set out to write a Val-
entine for my wife, Kate, I struggled to find a
way to not end up sounding like a sap. But as I
worked on writing this, I figured out two things:
1) You can’t stand up publicly and declare your
love for someone without sounding a little like a
sap, because, 2) love is kind of sappy. But Julie
Andrews and the Sound of Music? Maybe if I
tried quoting somebody cool like U2, it would
be better-- “I have climbed the highest moun-
tains, I have run through the fields. Only to be
with you...”
Of course that song is titled, “Still
Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For,” so that
isn’t going to work as my declaration of love ei-
ther.
Is one of your favorite things spending
time with the person you love? Hopefully it is,
because one of the things I’ve learned in the
thirty-seven years I’ve been married (OK, it’s
only been fourteen, but sometimes Kate and I
like to joke that it feels like thirty-seven! I know,
I know-- this is supposed to be a Valentine!) is
that being in love can be one of the most reward-
ing and powerful things. It can also be one of the
hardest.
What does it mean to be in love with
someone? That’s a really good question, because
so many of us do not have good role models for
what it means to really be in love, to be a good
partner, to be happily married. We all know what
love isn’t-- because we’ve seen it on TV and in
the movies. It isn’t sunshine and fields of wild-
flowers and laughing in the rain and sexy clothes
and really hot sex all the time and everyone look-
ing great, even the next morning. Well, it is for
about the first month, but then reality sets in.
Real life, and love, isn’t like in the movies.
Opposites attract, right, which is one
reason love is so hard-- we often fall in love with
someone who is fundamentally different-- some-
one who deals with problems, and who travels
through their day completely backwards, at least
from our point of view. But that’s also what
makes them so interesting, that’s what attracts us
to them in the first place. It’s why we find them
so fascinating and don’t want to ever be away
from them. At least for the first month.
There’s an obscure little song by Sarah
McLachlan called Ice Cream. It’s sort of a love
song, I guess. The lyrics go: “Your love is better
than ice cream, better than anything else that I’ve
tried.” Great sentiments for a love song. But it
goes on to talk about how difficult love is as well.
Kate and I chose this song as our first dance at
our wedding reception, an unusual choice, I sup-
pose. Love can be wonderful-- better than ice
cream-- and it can also be heart-wrenching. We
knew it was going to be hard work to be married.
We just didn’t know how hard.
I’ve learned a few things about love over
the years. Love means being there when you’re
really needed. It’s having someone who will al-
ways take your side, no matter who else is in-
volved. It’s about support and about sacrifice.
It means knowing that someone always has your
back. It’s about the way it still makes you feel
when you see your partner wearing that favorite
pair of jeans. It’s knowing that when your part-
ner walks away mad, they will come back. It’s
being able to compromise sometimes, and not al-
ways get what you want, because you know that
when you really need something, your partner
will understand and will make sure you get it.
It’s about being compassionate and caring and
comforting. It’s about being compassionate and
caring and comforting, even when you don’t re-
ally feel like it. It’s about knowing just the right
thing to say at just the right time-- or knowing
right away that you totally said the wrong thing.
It’s about being able to say you are sorry and
really mean it. It’s about being willing to help
make your partner’s dreams come true, some-
times at your own expense. It’s about really ap-
preciating your partner, and remembering to tell
them what it is they do that makes your life more
meaningful. It’s about having someone in your
life who can point out the flaws in your strongest
arguments and help you see the whole picture,
because in many ways they are your opposite--
and your conscience. It’s someone who thinks
you are really funny-- almost all the time. It’s
about having someone who can watch you make
a complete fool of yourself, and still be willing to
hug you. It’s having a best friend, a best friend
who knows your worst traits-- and sees them just
about every day-- and still chooses to be
your best friend.
How do I presume to know all this?
Because my wife has done all this, and
more, for me. And I try to do the same for
her. Because she is the love of my life.
Is our love better than ice cream?
Absolutely! Better than Chocolate? You
bet! Better than pizza? ... ... ... OK, I hesi-
tated just a bit too long there... but, Yes, of
course! She is my favorite thing.
Kate and I wrote our own vows for
our wedding, and... well, because it was so
long ago, I can’t remember what they were.
But I do remember one line-- we promised
to love each other “...in sunshine and rain.”
And that, to me, is love in its simplest form.
Through good and bad, in sunshine and
rain. And hopefully, like in the movies, we
even get to laugh in the rain sometimes.
Scott Laird
Editor and Publisher
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