22
july
in other words
2009
Voices In My Head:
Let’s Play “Where’d I Leave My Glasses”
the thought of senior men who have voluntarily
forfeited their driver’s licenses tooling around in
Politics, the fetid, poisoned bowel movement silent, 800 pound vehicles a little worrisome. Of
of human discourse, is a topic I have happily course, automobile traffic in the Vernonia Senior
avoided broaching in my time as a small-town Village may be a little unsettling as well. Picture
columnist. Now, however, I see the future of every car in town with a white, grey, blue or bald
that very same small town in jeopardy, and I head barely visible over the steering wheel, turn
feel compelled to dive in and splash about with signals constantly blinking and a raincoat belt
yesterday’s canned corn.
flapping helplessly out of the driver’s-side door.
Most everybody in Vernonia is aware
Perhaps for another fun activity, we
that there will be another school bond issue on could bus kids in from out of town and set them
November’s ballot. I’m not going to tell you loose in neighborhoods just so we could chase
how to vote. That’s your business. Let me just them off our lawns. If we’re lucky, maybe they
share with you my vision of what Vernonia will could help us program our VCRs before they
look like if the school bond doesn’t pass.
leave.
It won’t be long after the failure of
I imagine we’ll still have parades, but
the bond that parents, students and teachers instead of Tootsie Rolls, they’ll throw chocolate
will come to realize that they are stuck for the Ex-lax.
foreseeable future with makeshift facilities
We’ll probably still have a couple
and an inadequate learning
of restaurants, but get there early!
“I stood there They’ll close by 6:00 PM, right after
environment.
All of these
people will leave-- they just for awhile before the early bird special. So you’ll have
will. What we’ll be left with is I realized what I a nice dinner, get a doggy bag for the
one of those exclusive retirement had done, so I’m half-pat of butter you didn’t use, leave
communities; exclusive in the pretty sure I’ll be a seventy-five cent tip on a twenty-
getting another dollar tab (“they make enough”) and
sense that only aging baby
AARP letter
boomer farts like myself will
head home to watch your “program.”
soon.”
want to continue to live here.
The
grocery store will
A friend told me that
have a separate line for anyone with
the week I turned fifty, I’d get a letter from the a pencil case full of coupons which will take at
AARP inviting me to join. He said that they least ten minutes to sort through. The produce
know you’ll be insulted and throw the first one will be squeezed and prodded until it is rendered
away, but that two weeks later, they’ll send a virtually unusable.
second one. He was right. I still haven’t joined,
At this point, some of you might be
but I’m pretty sure the AARP monitors your asking “How do I know if I’m old?” “I don’t feel
activities and watches for obvious signs of aging. that old,” you might be saying. Here are a few
Last week at the Sentry, the clerk gave me my simple questions to help you determine whether
grocery total and I typed that number into the you’re old or not.
debit machine instead of my PIN. I stood there 1. Do you have one of those colored-glass candy
for awhile before I realized what I had done, so dishes filled with those raspberry- shaped hard
I’m pretty sure I’ll be getting another AARP candies that nobody likes? Are the candies more
letter soon.
than five years old?
Once the families leave Vernonia, life 2. Do small children avoid you because you
will be a little different for those of us who are smell like mothballs and BenGay?
left. There won’t be any school sports, but we 3. Are the strands in your carpeting longer than
can amuse ourselves with improvised games like the grass on your lawn?
“Where’d I Leave My Glasses,” “Connect the
If you answered “yes” to any of
Liver Spots,” or “Stock the Pillbox.”
these questions, odds are you’ll be a good fit
Maybe we could race those golf carts for the Vernonia Senior Village. If you’re not
some of the fellows are driving these days around comfortable with my vision of future Vernonia,
the lake. At least it would get them off the you might want to consider voting for that school
roads. As a pedestrian, I must admit that I find bond in the fall. I think you’ll be glad you did.
By P.J. O’Leary
On The Shelf: What’s
Happening at the Vernonia Library
By Nancy Burch
Throughout the years, many individuals
have volunteered time and services to the library
with no public acknowledgement. This year,
the library board members recommended that
recognition be given to volunteers for this past
year who have helped in various ways, including
organizing books, helping at the circulation desk,
cataloging materials, and undertaking programs
for children. Certificates of appreciation have
been awarded to Jennifer Moloney, Barbara Ward,
Orissa Burghard, Myron Lane, Judy Thiringer,
Linda Johnston, Kelli Martinez, El Donna
Williams, Jonah Ooten, Emily Mitchell, and
Nicole Mitchell for their invaluable service to the
citizens of the community through their volunteer
efforts in the library.
It takes the combined effort of
volunteers, Friends of the Library, and the
City of Vernonia to continue to provide quality
library services and materials, so I’m hoping the
individual/individuals who chose to steal from the
library this month is feeling guilty and has enough
of a conscience to make restitution to the library.
Be sure and check the Summer Reading
Schedule for the activities planned for Tuesdays,
Thursdays and Saturdays through the month
of July and early August and watch for the
participants wearing T-shirts with the theme of Be
Creative @ Your Library. Registration forms may
still be completed at the library.
Summer Library Events
Summer Reading--Tuesdays, Thursdays & Saturdays
(Check your schedules)
Tuesday, July 7--Friends of the Library at 6:30 PM
Thursday, July 23 - Mature Movie Night at 7:00 PM
New In Town, with Renee Zellweger and
Harry Connick Jr.
Monday, July 27 - Book Discussion 5:30 PM
Out Stealing Horses
The Great Ethanol Hoax, Part II
By Miles Wickstrom
Last month we talked about the relative efficiencies
of producing and consuming gasoline vs. ethanol.
This month we’ll drill down a little deeper (pun
intended) and expose some of the myths that
conspire to keep the great ethanol hoax alive.
Myth #1: America can produce all the corn we
need to eliminate our dependency on foreign oil.
Former U.S. Secretary of State George
Schultz (under Ronald Reagan) and former
CIA Director R. James Woolsey (under George
H.W. Bush) did a series of joint presentations in
2006 promoting the wonders of ethanol. In their
speeches, they claimed that if America reserved
just 30 million acres of cropland exclusively to the
production of corn for ethanol, we would never
again have to import a single drop of oil. Doubtless
those words fell on welcoming ears. After all, who
wouldn’t want to stick it to all those rich sheiks in
OPEC. We’ll just grow a bazillion ears of corn,
convert it to ethanol, and thumb our noses at those
greedy so-an-so’s. Or not.
There are roughly 450 million acres
of arable land in the United States. In theory,
we could probably follow the Schultz / Woolsey
advice since that would only amount to about 6.5%
of the total land available and many thousands of
arable acres are left fallow each year. But let’s run
the numbers just to make sure.
In 2007, we consumed 140 billion gallons
of imported gasoline. The ethanol equivalent –
taking into account the decrease in BTUs vs. oil
– is 186 billion gallons. Do the math: spread 186
billion gallons of ethanol over 30 million acres of
farmland and the result is about 6200 gallons per
acre. Which leads to the obvious question: can an
acre of farmland produce 6200 gallons of ethanol?
Uh oh, bad news. The most productive corn-
growing acre of land in America today produces
350 gallons of ethanol. Ladies and gentlemen,
there is no technology in existence, not is there any
technology on the horizon, that will increase corn
production per acre by a factor of seventeen.
Myth #2: Ethanol is good for the American
farmer.
The growth of ethanol use has certainly
kept farmers busy, but has it actually been good
for them? The answer in 2007 was a resounding
“Yes!” The answer since then has been, “Not so
much.” One of the truths about farming is that the
majority of farmers don’t own the land they work.
A farmer who works 5000 acres may actually
own less than a hundred acres. That’s where the
farmhouse stands and is often passed down through
the generations. The balance of the 5000 acres is
leased from banks or investment firms. The cost to
lease the land is not a fixed cost; when commodity
prices are high, the price of the lease is high. When
prices are low, the lease cost is low. Record corn
prices were quickly followed by record lease
payments.
At the same time that corn prices
more than doubled, diesel fuel prices more than
doubled. The cost of fertilizer, which is primarily a
petroleum-based product, also rose dramatically as
oil leapt past the $100 a barrel mark. The end result
is that, while the gross profit from high priced corn
has increased, the net profit has remained much the
same because of the increase in variable expenses.
Which leads to….
Myth #3: Ethanol is good for America.
Ethanol is lining someone’s pockets, or
the industry wouldn’t exist. So ethanol is certainly
good for someone, but it is clearly not a tide that
raises all boats. To understand who benefits and
who doesn’t, one need look no further than the
proponents and – tellingly – those who are silent.
In theory, the petroleum industry
should be up in arms over the growth in ethanol
consumption. After all, the more ethanol we
consume, the less gasoline we need to buy.
However, the oil industry and their lobbyists have
been virtually silent. Why? Simple. Ethanol
plants are powered by natural gas. The price of
natural gas doubled between 2002 and 2007.
Thus, while the amount of oil used as fuel may
have dropped, the amount of natural gas has risen.
Since the profits for both go into the same pocket,
there’s no need for the oil industry to be miffed by
ethanol’s growth.
Big Ag - as opposed to the small farmer
– is also doing quite well, thank you. Companies
like Archer Daniels Midland, Monsanto, Noble
and Cargill supply the seed and the chemicals that
make both the fields and the bottom line greener.
Their number one priority is return to shareholders.
Everything else – environmental stewardship,
health concerns, rising consumer costs – are
secondary considerations at best.
Finally, you and I have more than one
dog in this fight. As more and more acres are
devoted to corn production, fewer and fewer acres
are available for other foods. We have already
experienced increases in our grocery bills as the
result of biofuels expansion. When corn for ethanol
doubles in price, corn for hogs and cattle also
doubles in price. When fewer acres are planted in
wheat, the cost of bread and dog food and dozens
of other products goes up. Even the U.S.D.A.,
one of ethanol’s biggest boosters, acknowledged
in July 2008 that biofuels mandates were driving
food prices up.
What can you do? Call your state
legislators and the governor’s office and give them
a piece of your mind. Other promising technologies
such as next-generation electric cars and hydrogen
powered vehicles will take a back seat as long as
ethanol is sitting in the front. The time for knee
jerk reactions and pie in the sky solutions is over.
I’d like to think that we are too smart to head down
a road that knowingly leads to a dead end.
Banks Christian Academy
Rummage Sale
20,000 + items! Bigger and better than ever!
Thursday, July 9*, 9AM-9 PM
(*25% mark up from 9-11AM)
Friday, July 10, 9 AM-6 PM
Saturday July 11, 9 AM-6 PM
Sunday, July 12, 2-6 PM
Watch for extended dates and bag sale. Call for information.
22785 NW Fisher Road Buxton, OR 97109
503-324-4500