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About Vernonia's voice. (Vernonia, OR) 2007-current | View Entire Issue (Oct. 1, 2008)
22 vernonia’s voice in other words october 2008 Voices In My Head: Possum Knowledge Safety Matters By Chief Mathew Workman By P.J. O’Leary I like delivering mail, but sometimes I wish I had some real world skills like mechanics or electricians or heating and refrigeration pros have. Sure, I know a lot of addresses, but that kind of information isn’t particularly useful outside of work. Know something about auto repair, and you can be a neighborhood rock star. Help a buddy rewire his house, and you are a real life American Idol. A lady I work with has one of those clever husbands. He’s like the professor on Gilligan’s Island. You can give him three feet of wire and a coconut, and the next thing you know you’ve got a short-wave radio. Imagine you’re a desperate castaway. Who do you want to hang with-the guy who can harness the fluorescent qualities of common seashells to signal passing aircraft or me, the goofball who can’t stop wondering why the Howells packed so many clothes for a three hour cruise? Have you ever seen the Red Green show? Red was one of the denizens of the Possum Lodge, and he could create some amazing things using only spare parts and a roll of duct tape. He used to say, “If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.” Another of my role models, Napoleon Dynamite, also spoke of modern man’s need for expertise. “You know, like nun chuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills. Girls only want boy- friends who have great skills.” Somehow I managed to find a great girl despite my lack of skills. I guess I could work on acquiring some now, but I’m afraid that there’s no room left for information about useful skills in a brain that is so clut- tered with utterly pointless bits of information. I’m not sure I believe all that stuff about the huge untapped potential of the human mind. I can only speak for myself, but my brain at this point is like a new tube of Colgate. You could squeeze a little more in, but something’s bound to squirt out the other end. If you taught me how to replace my own brake pads, I might forget the starting offensive lineup on the 1967 Green Bay Packers championship team. That’s not negotiable. Some- thing as simple as learning to install a dimmer switch could cause me to completely forget the story lines of two or three Andy Griffith shows. I’m not sure the trade-off would be worth it. Over the years I’ve learned that it’s easier to fake skills in social situations than to admit that you don’t possess any. Conversations with skill guys are really more like lectures, so there’s typically not that much feedback required. Say for instance there’s a fellow telling you about the carburetor he just rebuilt. All he really needs is for you to occasionally interject a phrase like “yea dude, I been there,” or “you got that right.” This will make him feel validated and encourage him to go on about the process for another fifteen minutes. Do not at any point admit to him that you have no idea what he’s talking about. The ensuing silence would be terribly uncomfortable for both of you. On rare occasions the skill guy will call your bluff and insinuate that maybe you’re not the guy you’re pretending to be. At times like this remember that official motto of the Possum Lodge-“Quando Omni Flunkas Moriatati.” Translation-“When all else fails, play dead.” By now everyone has heard that I have accepted the Chief of Police position with the Warrenton Police Department. I again want to thank everyone for the last four years (since May 2004) that I have had the privilege to be your police chief. I would also like thank the hundreds of people who have expressed their sup- port and well-wishes for me while also expressing their sadness to see me leave. I have been touched by everyone’s sentiments and want you to know that Vernonia has made a lasting impres- sion on me and my family. When I am asked why I am leaving I have a one word answer; time. The position is Warrenton will still be a working chief’s position but will afford me more time to be with my family. Though I am fully committed to my job, family will always be my number one priority. Thank you again Vernonia and remember I will only be a short distance away and will always be available to answer any of your questions. My last Safety Matters article will coincide with the last 3-Flags Safety Blitz being conducted the Pacific Northwest. The Blitz is designed to enhance and focus police enforcement efforts on DUII drivers and traffic offenses with an emphasis on Safety Belt use and Child Safety Seats. The last Blitz dates were Sep- tember 8th to September 21st and the VPD conducted enhanced patrols and participated in saturation patrols on Highway 30 dur- ing the Rockfest Concerts. Child Safety Seat and Booster Seat laws can be confusing. In an effort to clear up the confusion I will quickly review the laws. I have also placed a handy chart outside the front window of the police station that shows you, depending on the height and weight of your child, what state law requires. Oregon State Law requires: Infants to ride rear-facing until they reach both one year of age AND twenty pounds; Children over one year old AND between 20 and 40 pounds must be properly secured with a forward-facing child safety seat up to a minimum of 40 pounds; Children over 40 pounds must be properly secured in a booster seat until they are age 8 OR 4’9” in height; Children age 8 or older OR are taller than 4’9” must ride properly secured with the safety belt system. I have placed flyers outside the VPD window with all of this information on them. Vernonia’s Voice wishes to thank Chief Workman for his ser- vice to the Vernonia community, his professionalism, and his sup- port for our publication. We wish Chief Workman and his family the best of luck in Warrenton. On The Shelves: What’s Happening At Vernonia Library By Nancy Burch It’s hard to believe that the book discussion group has been meeting monthly for over five years now. The group has grown from the original three or four to about twelve regular members. Books chosen for discussion have includ- ed mysteries by Dana Stabenow and Nevada Barr, classics by John Steinbeck and Harper Lee, offerings by Oregon au- thors such as Jane Kirkpatrick, Robin Cody and April Henry, non-fiction by Frank McCourt and Laura Hiltenbrand, books written for young adults, books that are easy reads and those that take time and thought, books that are funny and those that have made us cry---over sixty books to date. Each member has had favorites and those that he/she didn’t like at all, but these meetings give us the chance to express these opinions and to offer the reasons for them. In many cases members have done research on a particular au- thor, era, or event to share with the group. Last month’s selection, West with the Night, by Beryl Markham prob- ably produced some of the liveliest and varied discussion to date. This book, published in 1943, is a beautifully written glimpse of East Africa during the 1930’s. Controversy exists concerning whether Ms. Markham wrote the book by herself or whether she had considerable help from her third husband who was a screen writer. While there is no question that Ms. Markham led an extraordinary life—as a bush pilot in Af- rica, training race horses, and flying solo across the Atlantic from east to west, biographies written about her tell aspects of her character that aren’t even hinted at in the book. Since Ms Markham’s life and experiences were interwoven with those of the Karen and Bror Blixen and Denys Finch Hatton (Out of Africa), the discussion was expanded to include these relationships. New members are always welcome and sometimes we even have cookies! The next meeting will be Monday, Octo- ber 20th at 5:30 in the library. ANONYMOUS DONOR In support of Vernonia’s Voice! It’s that time of year again... Get your gun. Go to Sporty’s! A Gift for Our Members Wauna Federal Credit Union has arranged a complementary professional portrait opportunity for our members! Please reserve your portrait time soon as appointments are limited. This offer will be made available to you on the following dates and locations: Location Hunting Fishing Camping SPORTY’S! New & Used Always Buying Trade & Consign 275 West Columbia River Highway, Clastkanie • 503-728-2712 Dates Phone Vernonia (at the Community Church) October 21, 2008 503.429.8031 St Helens Branch October 22, 2008 503.366.1334 Clatskanie (at the Fire Station) October 23 - 24, 2008 503.728.4321 Astoria Branch October 29 - 31, 2008 503.325.1044 The 8 x 10 inch portrait gifts are one gift per sitting and one sitting per household. Our member (account holder) must be in the portrait. Members will choose from a variety of poses approximately three weeks after the private sitting. Additional portraits will be available with no obligation to purchase. 1.800.773.3236 www.waunafcu.org Astoria Clatskanie St Helens Vernonia Warrenton
