18
vernonia’s
voice in other words
december
2007
Safety Matters
Voices In My Head:
The Effects of Cause
By Chief Mathew Workman
By P.J. O’Leary
Do you know anyone who can make you laugh while messing with your head at the
same time? My co-worker Jimi, who you may recall from an earlier column as the
person who provided me with some bizarre statistics regarding the phenomenon of
spontaneous combustion, is one of those people. She has been the face of the Ver-
nonia Post Office for many years, and those of you who know her understand that
she will occasionally drop a little verbal firecracker at your feet and wait to see if you
will stamp it out or run from it.
Being of like minds, Jimi and I can generally go toe to toe in the head-messing arena
without much carnage. Frequently though, it’s like she’s bumper-bowling and I’m
the pins. She can’t miss.
Here’s an example. I’m a whistler, and while I’m sure it’s an annoying habit to
others, it brings me great pleasure. I focus mostly on show tunes, classical, and TV
theme music. One morning I was whistling a little piece of “Peter and the Wolf”
when Jimi mentioned that it was humanly impossible to whistle that music and then
follow it with the music from “Rocky and Bullwinkle.” Being familiar with the
“Rocky and Bullwinkle” theme, I scoffed. I spent the rest of the day in a state of
agitation, trying unsuccessfully to go from one song to the other.
On another occasion I mentioned Zuzu’s line from It’s a Wonderful Life. “Every
time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings.” I always loved that little line. Jimi was
kind enough to add to that an adage which she had heard. “Every time you pop one
of those little bubble-wrap bubbles, you crush a fairy’s skull.”
This caused me to fret about cause and effect. What if there are perverse universal
unintended consequences to seemingly innocuous actions? What if there is a nega-
tive result to match every positive one? What if I open a can of soda and a Mermaid
gets the bends? What if I start my car and a leprechaun loses a limb? This was all
too much to bear.
Allow me to pause here to address those of you who might be wondering what my
point is. Welcome! You must be a new reader.
Let me finish by offering this one piece of advice. If you are caught in traffic and
the person in front of you just won’t move, please resist the urge to honk your horn.
You may end up giving an elf a serious ear infection.
Ah yes, mother nature continues to send us subtle reminders that winter is
approaching and the weather has more control than we give it credit for. The
recent windstorm and short-term power outage brought back vivid memories
of December ’06 when we spent several days without power. I hope after the
December event that everyone went out and prepared your 72 hour Emer-
gency kits but I’m sure many of us did not. The fact is that Vernonia is fairly
remote and very susceptible to power outages and isolation during significant
events. A 72 hour kit can give you and your family the peace of mind that you
have the emergency supplies you need to get through those critical first 72
hours. For more information on 72hr kits you can visit the Red Cross web-
site at www.redcross.org or you can purchase pre-made kits from numerous
companies on the internet as well as from the Columbia County RSVP group
in St. Helens .
As in my previous article our community once again has been hit by sense-
less vandalism. Unknown subjects damaged the bathrooms at Anderson Park
and threw several picnic table and other items into the Mill Pond (Vernonia
Lake). Several of the items at the Mill Pond also sustained damage. Ver-
nonia Pride and Park Host Bill Yeo are offering up to a $200 reward for any
information leading to the arrest and conviction of those responsible for the
vandalism. As I stated in the previous article, there are also rewards being
offered for the damage to the flower baskets and the graffiti on the bridge.
You can call the VPD with any information at 503-429-7335 or email me at
chief@vernonia-or.gov.
If you haven’t already noticed, the new 20mph speed limit signs have been
installed at Grant Avenue and near Maple Street. The new speed limit is ef-
fective immediately so make sure to watch your speed through the downtown
area. This effectively establishes the 20mph Business District Speed Zone
through downtown Vernonia. The City Council previously voted to send a
letter to ODOT asking that the speed limit be changed from 25mph to 20mph
in an effort to promote a safer traffic environment in the business district.
Though we do not have huge traffic or speed issues in downtown it is obvi-
ous that the pedestrian and bicycle traffic have both greatly increased. The
VPD will be doing some enhanced patrols with the intent to educate drivers
on the new speed limit and ultimately gain voluntary compliance with the
new limits. I will also be contacting ODOT to ask them why the 25mph sign
by the Senior Center was left up as it is only 200ft or so from the new 20mph
sign. Please be aware of the new speed limit and as always be careful driving
through downtown Vernonia.
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