22
vernonia’s
voice in other words
october
2007
Voices In My Head:
Day of the Dachshund
By P.J. O’Leary
Thanks to the twenty or so of you who have hit me with the “hi sign,” that crazy
wave that I mentioned in last month’s column. It has been both gratifying and
entertaining. Had I known you would be so accommodating, I would have
asked for baked goods instead. But enough of that – we have more ground to
cover.
Safety Matters
By Chief Mathew Workman
Now that school is back into full swing I want to remind everyone that the 20mph
School Zone Speed Limit (7am to 5pm) is also back in effect. I have been monitor-
ing traffic before/after school and have seen very few violators with most drivers
exercising caution. Please be aware of numerous pedestrians (children & adults),
vehicles, and buses in the area. Traffic can and will back up especially in the morn-
ing. Vehicles will make numerous starts and stops due to the seven crosswalks in the
school zone area. Also remember that even though the speed limit goes back up to
25mph at 5pm there are numerous events going on in and around the schools all eve-
ning as well as the constant use of the playground equipment by the grade schoolers.
Be vigilant, be patient, and be courteous.
There was an old “Far Side” cartoon which pictured a rather uptight, scholarly
looking fellow sitting at a bar next to a kangaroo. The kangaroo, beer in hand,
says, “I may not be a zoologist, but I think I know a little bit about marsupials The Internet is an amazing medium for keeping in touch with family, friends, busi-
myself.”
ness associates, people in government, for socializing, for expressing opinions, and
Well, I may not be a comedian, but I like to think that I know what’s funny.
Monkeys, for example, are hilarious. No film or television comedy has ever
been made which was so bad that it couldn’t have been saved by a monkey in
a strong supporting role.
for shopping. All of these can be accomplished from anywhere in the world on most
any type of device. During my recent hospital stay I was no more than an hour out
of surgery and I was answering emails on my cell phone, much to the dismay of my
nurse mind you! Though the Internet is convenient it is definitely not without numer-
ous pitfalls and ways for people to victimize you. The Oregon Attorney General’s
office recently announced that they pursued a Milwaukie man for “taking money
over the Internet for goods and services never provided.”
Wiener dogs are also quite funny. Also known as Dachshunds, or “porch pi-
ranhas,” these stubby legged quadrupeds are funny mostly because they take
themselves so seriously. They were spawned in the mind of some unscrupu- Attorney General Hardy Myers stated, “Although shopping online can be conve-
lous eighteenth century German breeder who thought it would be good sport to nient and offer a large variety of items, it also can be devastating to your wallet if
you pick the wrong retailer.” After receiving numerous complaints and conducting
watch them chase vermin down a hole.
an investigation, the DOJ filed an Assurance of Voluntary Compliance (AVC) with
Todd Grange doing business as TheUSSSportsClub.com, AmericanPokerCham-
pion.com, ToddSoft.com, and Bluetooz. Amongst other items, Grange took money
for iPods, 2006 Super Bowl tickets, and entries into a poker game featured on a
reality television show, computer tech services and laptop computers with no inten-
tion of providing what he offered. Under the agreement, Grange will be required to
pay back victims in Oregon, Washington, Pennsylvania, New York, California and
Texas. He must fulfill orders or refund money within thirteen days of the agreement.
If you believe you were a victim of Grange or anyone else you should call the AG’s
consumer hot line at 877-877-9392 or the DOJ on line at: www.doj.state.or.us
From day one they have been cranky and self-conscious because of their stature.
Let’s just say they’re not comfortable in their own natural casings. These days
they normally run in packs, much like middle-schoolers, and for essentially the
same reasons. They feel that there is strength in numbers. If you get one alone,
he typically lies on his side and pees on himself (the wiener dog, not the mid-
dle-schooler.) Take heart, middle-schoolers, for you are bright and have great
promise. You will grow to become productive
citizens. The wiener dog, meanwhile, will
remain suspended in an unhealthy state of
self-loathing.
Some quick tips offered by the DOJ Financial Fraud/Consumer Protection section
for shopping on the Internet are:
Can we really blame the dachshund for
his cantankerous nature? I don’t think
so. Can you imagine the humilia-
tion if every time you met someone
new you wet yourself? That’s no life.
Consider this scenario. “I’m a wiener
dog, and I’m not dorky enough. Why don’t
you dress me up in a Darth Vader costume
and drag me all around town on Halloween
night? Oh, it’s raining? Maybe I should wear
those little vinyl boots, too.”
So here’s to the wiener dog - that funny, tor-
tured little canine. May he one day be at peace
with himself.
Remembering Deb’s Dad...
• Never place an Internet order before checking with the Attorney General’s
consumer hotline for complaints about the particular retailer.
• Shop in stores for the same item at a comparable price.
• If an Internet company cannot fill your order in the period of time adver-
tised, they must send you a written notice of delay and allow you to cancel
and receive a refund or agree to wait another designated period of time.
You can also use a service like “PayPal” as a middleman so none of your account or
credit card information is ever given to the retailer. Use common sense when shopping
online and do some simple research of a company before giving any personal or finan-
cial information. If you have further questions or need advice you can contact me at the
police station 503-429-7335, or send an e-mail to: chief@vernonia-or.gov.
GRANT’S CONTRACTING
(503) 701-3276
Jason Grant
In attending Judge McLean’s Celebration of Life, I realized how much I had
missed since being away from Vernonia…the people I’d missed, and the
relationships. Memories of Rod McLean and his family bounced in and out
of my mind during the celebration, resulting in a sense of loss, but also joy;
happy that I’d known this great man being honored – and the family that he
loved so much.
Growing up, Rod was my best friend’s dad. Deb’s dad. He was also Danny
and Lynnette’s dad, Sandy’s husband, and a brother to what seemed like
countless others (if you’d been to a McLean family gathering you’d know
what I mean).
For many years the Mclean’s house was my home-away-from-home, and
during this time Rod wasn’t a judge, he was a logger. I remember him, Friday
evenings, sitting by the fire, decked out in his hickory shirt, red suspenders,
highwater pants and wool socks. He’d always hang out long enough to
tease us girls about something.
I can hear his voice clearly “Hi Vangie!” He was always happy to see you –
with a big grin that lit up his face.
I will never forget Rod or the warmth his family showed me growing up.
Love to you all. --Vangie
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