2010
Features
7
Protective patriarch pursues provocatively psychotic poachers
M ark P qppert _______________
The unicorn: a specimen of
sheer power and unbridled
beauty. Never in the history
of time has the universe seen
such a perfect creation. But
this awesome animal lives in
constant fear. Humans have
poached unicorns to near
extinction without concern for
their wellbeing.
Now, with only a handful
left in the wild and fewer still
in captivity, the black market
trade of unicorn horn is at an
all time high— $20 million
a horn. Because of this, one
unicorn is on a mission to
save his home, his family, his
freedom.
Niles Hugo Alexander
steps of Neo, Aragom and the
Hebrew Hammer.
However, while he was
training to protect his kin, his
people were being hunted to
extinction. The great herds
of the world have dwindled
to small nomadic groups
who move only under the
protection of darkness in the
deepest woods. When all
thought was lost and many of
his race resigned themselves
to a life of depression and
mere survival, Niles appeared;
a glorious angel on a
metaphorical hill.
In 1987 he united the herds,
bringing stability to unicorn
existence. Training his men
into a fighting force, Niles beat
put a stop to it.
Schmidt struck in the night,
taking the clan by surprise.
With suppressed assault rifles
and flash bang grenades,
the attack force plunged
into the valley. Startled and
disoriented, many of the
unicorns were slain where
they lay. Only Niles was able
to defend himself from the
evildoers, using his fighting
skills to frag seven of the
terrorists. Unbeknownst to
Niles, the attack was a mere
distraction. While Niles fought
off the terrorizing poachers,
Schmidt kidnapped Guinevere,
Rhianna and Sequoia! Schmit
loaded them into a helicopter
before Niles could reach them.
Fortunately, in the last
seconds of the helicopter's
earthbound existence, Niles
shot a tracking arrow into its
side with his trusty bow. After
a few days, the tracker stopped
moving on a tropical volcanic
island in the South Pacific
named Atiu. Niles knew where
his family was, now he just
needed to figure out a way to
journey from Germany to Atiu.
The epic trek took nearly
a year to complete. After
crossing three continents and
the Indian ocean, Nile reached
Atiu. Reaching its white sands
was victory in itself. During
his quest he met many people
At this very moment,
Niles is breaking into the
super secret base on Atiu,
accompanied by 40 Navy Seals.
More news will follow this
and the press picked up on the
story. The plight of the Unicom
nation was brought to the
public's attention, and activism
for Nile's fellow clansmen has
made them an international
cause.
article, but it is expected that
Niles will be reunited with his
loving and caring children. The
whole world is now holding its
breath and saying a prayer for
Niles, the most epic unicorn to
have ever lived.
Volunteer opportunities available for summer
A ustin C ummins _______________
Lounging around the
pool, watching fireworks on
Maximilian Phineas Torvald
Winston Hrothgar Fitzwilliam
MacLeod VII, Lord of the Isles
and Chief of the Macdonalds of
Equus. Bom into his title as a
Scottish lord, Niles has always
had responsibility riding on
his hoofs. That was nearly 150
years ago, and for a unicorn
Niles is still considered young
at 200. His sleek black body is
uncommon among his kind,
where pure white is the norm,
and his hom is the largest in
the land.
Due to this, attempts on his
life are a common occurrence.
Years of study with the greatest
fighting masters from east and
west have honed him into a
lethal weapon, earning him the
name black steel. He was bom
to become the champion of his
race. The foretold leader of his
people, he must walk in the
back the poachers for the first
time since the downfall of the
unicorn empire. In the years of
relative peace that followed,
Niles met Guinevere.
Unicorns mate for life,
which can be up to 2,000 years.
Because of this, it takes at least
a decade to choose a mate. It
wasn't until 2003 that Niles
and Guinevere eloped. They
spawned two foals, Rhianna
and Sequoia, who grew up
strong and brave. Living
happily in the glens and lochs
of their homeland, everything
seemed perfect.
Sadly, nothing lasts
forever, especially the best
things. When John Jacob
Jingleheimer Schmidt, poacher
extraordinaire and leader of
the Poacher Against Unicorns,
discovered this band in its
peaceful coexistence, he had to
the F o u rth of July, eatin g a
dripping ice cream cone in
80 degree weather—with the
school year ending, students
have to choose how they're
going to spend their summer
vacation. While most will relax
(and there's nothing wrong
with that), there are also many
opportunities for students to
be involved in the community
and volunteer at different
organizations.
Students such as
Nathaniel Pow ell, junior,
have previously given their
free time to volunteer at
organizations that aim to help
those in need. Powell spent
most of last summer helping
out at his father's rehabilitation
clinic, Laurelhurst Village.
"In my experience, I met
really interesting people and
each had something different
to teach me," Powell said.
Between performing tasks
for the patients and assisting
the nurses, Powell has
volunteered over 144 hours to
community service.
Around West Linn and the
greater Portland area there are
many opportunities to make a
difference in the community.
There are many events coming
up that students can either
help out with or join in the
experience.
On June 26 the National
Kidney Foundation will host
the Portland Kidney walk.
They need volunteers to
run the booths and clean up
afterward. People can also
make donations, sponsor
runners or participate in
the walk themselves. For
more information, check out
http:/ / donate.kidney.org.
A great source for
finding local volunteering
opportunities is to talk with
Career Center Coordinator
Jamie Welle or acessing
the WLHS website in the
volunteering link in the
Academics section, or at
html.
Besides big, publicized
events, there are also small
non-profit organizations that
rely on the help of giving
people in the community.
PAWS Animal Shelter in West
Linn, run by Sharon Murphy,
is a non-profit, no-kill animal
shelter that has been giving
stray pets a home since 1991.
Photo by Austin Cummins
Peter Santoro, junior, volunteers three days a week at PAWS Animal
Shelter in West Linn. Last year, Santaro joined the PAWS team to
help against the growing problem of stray pets in the community.
http: / / www.wlhs.wlwv.kl2.
or.us/swansonj /counseling/
volunteer%20opport.htm.
"It's a great opportunity
students can learn and grow
from," Welle said. "They can
give back to the community
and it looks great on their
resume."
The Hands on Greater
Portland web site also
features projects for specific
age groups, making it great
for finding work just for
students. These openings
can be found at http://
www.handsonportland.org/
HomePage/index.php/home.
PAWS relies on volunteers and
donations to keep the shelter
afloat. The animal shelter is
open Sunday through Friday,
noon to 6 p.m., students of any
age are welcome to come in
and help out as long as they
are self-motivated and can
cope well with animals.
These are only a few
examples of opportunities
that students can consider this
summer. With three months
of freedom, the summer is a
convenient time for students
to help out in their community
and make a difference they can
feel good about.