V»May
8
Abuse victim shares story of trauma, painfi
S hoshana K oon
Staff Reporter
As a survivor of sexual
abuse, I know the difficulties
it encompasses. Once
someone experiences abuse
or abandonment, his or her
life changes. How it changes
depends on how the person
reacts and deals with the
trauma.
I was sexually abused from
age seven to nine by multiple
men. I will never be the same.
At first I didn't tell anyone.
I felt scared, lonely, violated
and tainted. I struggled about
telling my mom, but I was
only a little kid and I didn't
know whether or not she
would be mad at me, blame
me or comfort me.
When I finally decided
to tell her, I was embraced
with love and much sorrow.
My mom went to the police
and while they were dealing
with my perpetrators, I was
taken away from my mother
and thrown into a place
completely foreign to me— a
stranger's house, a hellhole, a
"foster home." It never made
sense to me.
I thought, "Okay, I told
what happened to me and
then social services takes me
away from my mom? What the
heck? They should be going
after the guys who raped me,
NOT taking me away!"
The only explanation I
ever received was that they
were protecting me. I saw
being taken away as a sign
that it was my fault for what
happened to me, that I had
somehow deserved it.
Hurt, afraid, and confused,
I went on to live
with people I
didn't
know.
Switching from family to
family, I learned a lot about
why kids acted the way
they did after they had been
traumatized. In group therapy
sessions I watched guys hide
their feelings because they
weren't equipped to handle
what had happened to them.
I saw teenage boys turn their
depression
WLHS personalities labeled as unique
P atricia P alczewska
Staff Reporter
Are you loud and do you
alw ays have som ething to
say? Or are you so quiet that
no one notices you’re there?
What about somewhere in
betw een? Everyone has a
u n iq u e p e r s o n a lity — and
those personalities are key to
a person's outlook on life, as
well as how they are treated
by others.
"I would describe m yself
as perky, quirky, outgoing,
bubbly, and at times a little
bit awkward. People think I'm
fun, but they don't believe I
have a lot of depth," Madeline
Benoit, senior, said.
Marisa Brookhouse, fresh
man, believes her personality
doesn't influence how her
friends treat her. "If they
truly are my friends then
they don't care about my
differences," she said.
Some view "being
different" from the
m asses as som ething
that hurts them. Others
strive to be unique.
"Usually when people
look different, thev feel
different. It's more noticeable.
That seems to be what a lot
of people strive for, but there
is more to it than that," an
anonymous student said.
People tend to change their
personalities depending on
the environment they are in,
or who they spend most of
their time around— adapting
their actions to the group.
"I don't often get a chance
to know people all that well
at school, so I don't make
friends easily, but I do get
the chance to watch and see
how people interact before I
have a conversation with them
myself," Anya Lehman, fresh
man, said. "On the other hand,
with my friends from dance I
have more confidence to have
fun and enjoy myself!"
L ifesty les and events can
cause p erson ality changes.
Depression, loss of a loved one,
divorce, serious illness, rela
tionships, or substance abuse
are some of the factors that can
cause substantial changes to
one's personality.
Social environments change
throu ghou t life, and these
factors have been suggested
as im portant influences on
personality, according to the
2003 article "Development of
Personality in Early and Middle
Adulthood: Set Like Plaster or
Persistent Change?" published
in the Journal of Personality
"West Linn is stereotypically
close-minded, and its citizens
seem to reject differences
or change," an anonymous
student said. "I think more
so than many other schools
around, the students at WLHS
are sheltered from the
d iv ersity seen in the
ould let your
world, so when they are
confronted with diver
shine through,
sity, they don't know
ourself!"
how to react."
O n the o th er h an d ,
Madeline Benoit,
some believe that some
senior
people at West Linn are
1 generally patient w ith
those who are more in
and Social Psychology.
troverted and quiet and those
Stereotypes are com m only
who might be loud, the more
used to describe teenagers,
outgoing extroverts.
though this often causes prob
"There are some very nice
lems. Many teens resent being
people at our school who are
labeled because they don't feel
willing to talk to anyone and
they fit into just one particular
just overall be friendly," Leh
group.
man said.
In a poll dealing with person
Brookhouse doesn't let the
alities, teens identified groups
way people treat her affect
such as preppy and skater, but
what she does. "I don’t need to
some students claim, though ,
overcome my differences for
that WLHS is generally unique
people to like me," she said.
and different in its own ways.
Benoit summed up the feel
Others believe it is not very
ings of others, "You should
accepting of people who are dif
let your personality shine
ferent in any way—physically
through. Be yourself!"
or behaviorally.
and act out with
their friends.
Girls masked
their feelings and
pretended everything
was okay, because society
has told women to just
"grin and bear it."
These teens became
more stressed when they
tried to go to their friends for
support. This is not usually
the best option because
friends often don't have the
scope of experience needed to
give the necessary support.
I have seen over 10
different therapists over the
years and I am STILL trying
to reconcile what happened
to me. When I saw my first
counselor I was a complete
mess. I didn't know what I
was supposed to do, what to
say or how to respond to the
questions she was asking.
The three things that ALL
my therapists told me were,
1) It is not my fault. I was a
victim. 2) It will follow me for
the rest of my life so I must
learn to cope with it now. 3)
That the best thing I could
do for myself was go to a
therapist who has experience
handling those situations.
I found all of these
things are 100 percent true.
I still have many things to
work on. I experience post
traumatic stress all the time
and it is very difficult to work
through.
I've noticed I have control
issues because when I was
raped, control was taken
from me. I hate being in
large groups because it’s
more people that I have to
watch to make sure that
I'm safe; making sure no
one can hurt me. I don't
like history because my
history is horrid.
In personal
relationships
I can't do
certain
things
because
I feel I'm
tainted
and not
worthy,
or I feel
awkward.
When I
hear the name
of one of my
perpetrators
I cringe and
hide. I'm
scared
when I
meet
one of
friends' dads just simply
because he is a man. I tend
not to trust adults because
adults are the ones who have
mishandled me. When I hear
rape jokes that are told in the
classrooms by ignorant kids, I
am hurt and defensive because
they laugh and mock, thinking
it’s funny. They can't even
begin to grasp the amount of
pain it causes me.
All of these are a result of
my sexual abuse. This will
never go away: I just have to
learn how to handle them.
That is what I’m currently
working through. I know ^ a
experience that talking to a