FRIDAY, JANUARY 6, 2017
4 — THE BAKER COUNTY PRESS
Opinion / Politics
— Special Column —
Bentz announces team
So I was
thinking ...
Tales from
the gym
By Jimmy Ingram
Special to The Baker County Press
With the new year in full swing,
so should be your New Year’s
resolutions. Maybe your resolution
is to spend less time looking at your
phone and more time outside.
Maybe your goal for 2017 is to
spend more time with family.
And maybe, if you’re like most
people aged 30-80, your goal is to
exercise more. Going to the gym is
great way to get healthy and meet
new people.
It’s also where you’ll likely see
one one of these characters:
The Grunting Man: Every gym
has at least one of these guys. His
entrance and exit from the facility
are the only two minutes he’s not
grunting, yelling, or bellowing out
verbal testosterone.
He bangs and clangs his way
from one workout station to an-
other with the grace of a blacksmith
pounding on an anvil.
Sure, he may only be bench
pressing 135 pounds, but from the
sounds he’s making you’d think he
was lifting a school bus.
You turn up the volume on your
headphones to tune him out, but to
no avail. He’s working hard, and
he’s going to make sure everyone
within the building knows it.
The Sweater: All gyms have
signs in every corner politely asking
you to wipe down the machines af-
ter each use. Seems simple enough.
But not for this guy. He brazenly
leaves his mark on every machine
like a bear marking its territory.
Standard sized gym issue tow-
els are no match for him. In fact, a
stack of beach towels, a mop, and
a 55 gallon drum of disinfectant
wouldn’t be enough to keep the
floor around him clean and dry.
Somehow the sultan of sweat man-
ages to use every single machine in
the facility and always sneaks onto
the machine you were about to use,
just in time to leave puddles for you
to navigate around.
Guys like him are the reason
gyms have no less than 30 signs
asking to clean the equipment. I
guess they should have posted 31.
The Selfie-Taker: Most are famil-
iar with the saying, “If a tree falls a
forest and no one is around to hear
it, does it make a sound?”
I ask you this: If a person goes
to gym and doesn’t take 30 selfies
during the workout, did it really
happen?”
Apparently having mirrors on
every wall just isn’t enough visual
feedback for some. Selfie-takers
have redefined the way we workout.
• Here’s a picture me sitting on a
bench.
• Here’s one of me getting on a
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Submitted Photo
Jimmy Ingram is a local farmer and
father of two who enjoys people
watching within our wonderful
community and beyond.
treadmill.
• Here’s me in the locker room
washing my hands.
Events like this are far too impor-
tant to go undocumented.
Just once I would like to hear an
honest admission of this narcissis-
tic behavior...”See you in an hour.
I’m going to gym to take pictures
of myself to share with people on
social media.”
Advice Guy: Mr. Helpful has
done and seen it all. In his youth he
was ten feet tall, bulletproof, and
assures you if it wasn’t for a bum
shoulder he would have been an
All-Pro NFL lineman.
And though middle age may have
robbed him of his athletic prowess,
it hasn’t slowed his mouth any.
He follows you from machine to
machine, giving you unsolicited
input on everything from politics to
biceps workouts.
He smells of Aspercreme and
tacos, and goes nowhere without
his 40-year-old gym bag filled
with elbow wraps, knee braces,
and a sweat towel that hasn’t been
washed since 1984. It’s ironic that
he even has a gym bag, because
you’ve never actually seen him on a
machine.
He normally just strolls through
weight room making awkward
eye contact with everyone. You’ve
would think having your head-
phones on would keep him from
talking to you but you would be
wrong. He’s there to help, whether
you want it or not.
Mrs. High Energy: This woman
is a ball of energy. She does the
same three-hour stair master work-
out every day, not quitting until
she’s burned 15,000 calories.
And that’s after her one hour aer-
obics class. She doesn’t ever appear
to sweat, walks faster than most of
us could run, and makes our work-
outs look pathetic by comparison.
She weighs 105 pounds soaking
wet and has for the last 20 years.
I like to imagine that she perpetu-
ally has dance music playing in her
head to move as fast as she does,
and has never eaten a donut. We
love her, but we hate her.
To all of you people out there
working to make yourself a better
person in 2017, I applaud you.
Maybe I’ll see some of you at the
gym.
We can mutually ignore the
grunting, questionable advice, and
sweat- soaked equipment while we
photobomb the selfie takers.
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services advertised.
Representative Cliff
Bentz (R-Ontario) has
assembled the following
people to help represent
District 60’s (Baker, Grant,
Harney, Lake, and Malheur
Counties) interests during
the 2017 Legislative Ses-
sion, which will convene in
February 2017.
Andrea Dominguez,
of Ontario, OR, is Rep.
Bentz’s District Director.
She manages the day-today
operations from the Dis-
trict Office in Ontario.
A member of Rep.
Bentz’s staff since late
2009, Mrs. Dominguez
holds a Bachelor’s degree
in Media Arts with a con-
centration in Journalism
from Eastern Oregon Uni-
versity, and an Associates’
degree from Treasure Val-
ley Community College.
Mrs. Dominguez staffs
Rep. Bentz’s Eastern
Oregon office, works on
research projects, assists
in responding to constitu-
ent concerns, drafts press
releases, compiles the Rep-
resentative’s newsletter,
and helps manage the flow
of legislative matters.
Jessica Brockway, from
Portland, OR, joins Rep.
Bentz’s staff as Legislative
Director. Jessica holds a
Juris Doctorate from Lewis
& Clark Law School. She
also holds a Bachelor of
Liberal Arts & Sciences
degree in English from
Florida Atlantic University,
Harriet L. Wilkes Honors
College, in Juniper, FL.
Ms. Brockway earned an
honors scholarship and was
a member of the All-Flori-
da Academic Team.
Ms. Brockway will pro-
vide policy analysis, bill
research, hearing backup,
task force process manage-
ment, and policy develop-
ment.
Nick Rhoten, from
Salem, OR, will staff the
Representative’s front of-
fice in the Capitol as a
Legislative Aide.
Mr. Rhoten holds a
Bachelor’s Degree with
a double major in His-
tory and Political Science
from Linfield College in
McMinnville, OR.
Mr. Rhoten will as-
sist Ms. Brockway with
legislative process issues,
maintain the Representa-
tive’s calendar, organize
email correspondence, and
direct the flow of visitors
through the Salem Capitol
Office.
Yun Kim, from Honolu-
lu, HI, will be a volunteer
Legislative Intern for Rep.
Bentz’s team during the
2017 Session.
Yun is currently working
on his Bachelor’s Degree
at Willamette University,
majoring in Economics and
Philosophy, after transfer-
ring from the University of
Hawai’i at Mānoa.
Isabel Arnold, from
Hazel, SD, will also be
a volunteer Legislative
Intern in Rep. Bentz’s
Capitol Office for the 2017
Session.
Isabel is in her third
year, working towards
a Bachelor’s Degree in
Business at Concordia
University in Portland. She
is currently working as a
client advocate at Farmers
Insurance in Beaverton,
and has previously worked
as a Page in the South
Dakota House of Repre-
sentatives, as well as previ-
ously Interning for U.S.
Rep. Kristi Noem (RSouth
Dakota At Large) both in
Washington, D.C. and in
the South Dakota Legis-
lature.
Ariadne Wolf, from
Alamo, CA, will be a vol-
unteer Legislative Intern
for the 2017 Session.
She is currently working
towards her Bachelor’s
Degree at Willamette Uni-
versity, majoring in
Women’s & Gender
Studies, and minoring in
American Ethnic Studies.
Ariadne has previously
worked as an intern with
Corvallis Advocates.
Monique Molina, from
Sacramento, CA, will
round out Rep. Bentz’s
staff as a volunteer Legis-
lative Intern for the 2017
Session. She is currently
pursuing a Bachelor’s
Degree in Human Devel-
opment & Family Science
at Oregon State University.
Monique has previously
worked as a Legislative
Aid in the California State
Assembly.
Rep. Bentz said, “This
group will provide District
60 with a significant
advantage in dealing with
difficult legislative issues,
and it helps that most of
my team has previous leg-
islative experience.”
Rep. Bentz is currently
Vice-Chair of the Revenue
Committee, Co-Vice Chair
of the Joint Committee on
Transportation Preserva-
tion & Modernization, and
Co-Vice Chair of the Joint
Tax Credits Committee, as
well as a member of the
Energy & Environment
Committee, the Joint
Legislative Counsel Com-
mittee, the Joint Legisla-
tive Policy & Research
Office Committee, and
numerous Task Forces
and Work Groups, and is
Assistant Minority Leader
(Policy) for the House
Republican Caucus
ORP Chair comments on
Chief of Staff resignation
Oregon Republican Party
Chair Bill Currier reacted
to news today that the
Chief of Staff of Oregon’s
ethically challenged Gov-
ernor Kate Brown has been
forced to resign due to a
conflict of interest ethics
scandal first reported by
Willamette Week’s Nigel
Jaquiss nearly three weeks
ago. “Once again, Gover-
nor Brown proves that she
can’t clean up the corrup-
tion in Salem because she
and her cronies ARE the
corruption in Salem,” said
Chairman Currier.”
It was just two years ago
that disgraced Ex-Gover-
nor Kitzhaber resigned due
to his own catastrophic
ethics problem, a case that
has yet to be fully resolved
under his successor.
“It’s becoming a tradition
for the incumbent Demo-
crat Governor to become
engulfed in ethics scandals
that should have come
to light before they were
re-elected,” noted Currier.
“It also seems to be an
annual ritual for their Chief
of Staff to resign under a
murky cloud.”
— Contact Us —
Governor Brown pledged
during her inaugural
speech in early 2015 to put
an end to the lack of ethics
and transparency of the
Kitzhaber era, just after the
ex-Governor’s resignation.
“Governor Brown’s
idea of cleaning up state
government seems to first
involve helping it become
really ‘dirty’ and then
trying to earn credit for
belatedly engaging in a
symbolic mopping up of
the mess caused by what-
ever has leaked out to the
public,” said Currier.
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