FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 2016
4 — THE BAKER COUNTY PRESS
Opinion / Politics
— Editorial —
Good grief?
Like most people who have hit middle
age and beyond, we’ve been through the
loss of friends, family members, pets ...
and sorted through the stages of personal
grief in search of healthy emotional heal-
ing. No easy task, that.
But this week our thoughts have turned
more toward how to support someone else
in their own time of need.
We know it’s natural to want to take
the hurt away when someone you love
feels such pain, and we worry that we’re
not able to say or do the right thing at the
right time. We worry that attempts to help
might come across as just one more thing
the bereaved has to deal with. We worry
about intruding. We just ... worry. There’s
no greater feeling of helplessness.
Platitudes such as, “We know how you
feel,” or “Time will heal” strike us as
empty and false, as well.
And certainly there are more healthy
ways to grieve than others—but we have
to take a step back and realize that each
person grieves in different ways, and
there’s no set timeframe either. Those two
things can be hard to recognize when you
so much want the bereaved to be happy
and healthy. But people are what they are.
“Do you feel like talking?” might be
a way to express support. “How are you
doing today?” “Is there anything I can do
to help?”
Maybe it’s more important to listen than
to try thinking of anything meaningful to
say or do anyway.
Helpguide.org offers the following ad-
vice to help listen with compassion.
• Accept and acknowledge all feelings.
Let the grieving person know that it’s
okay to cry in front of you, to get angry,
or to break down. Don’t try to reason with
him or her over how he or she should or
shouldn’t feel. The bereaved should feel
free to express his or her feelings without
fear of judgment, argument, or criticism.
• Be willing to sit in silence. Don’t press
if the grieving person doesn’t feel like
talking. You can offer comfort and support
with your silent presence. If you can’t
think of something to say, just offer eye
contact, a squeeze of the hand, or a reas-
suring hug.
• Let the bereaved talk about how his or
her loved one died. People who are griev-
ing may need to tell the story over and
over again, sometimes in minute detail.
Be patient. Repeating the story is a way of
processing and accepting the death. With
each retelling, the pain lessens.
• Offer comfort and reassurance without
minimizing the loss. Tell the bereaved that
what he or she is feeling is okay. If you’ve
gone through a similar loss, share your
own experience if you think it would help.
However, don’t give unsolicited advice,
claim to “know” what the person is feel-
ing, or compare your grief to his or hers.
We accidentally implemented a few of
these techniques just by instinct this week.
Which is great, considering we probably
didn’t do so well in other areas.
Support doesn’t just end after the funeral,
either. Long-term tips from the same site
as mentioned above include:
• Continue your support over the long
haul. Stay in touch with the grieving
person, periodically checking in, dropping
by, or sending letters or cards. Once the
funeral is over and the other mourners are
gone, and the initial shock of the loss has
worn off, your support is more valuable
than ever.
• Don’t make assumptions based on out-
ward appearances. The bereaved person
may look fine on the outside, while inside
he or she is suffering. Avoid saying things
like “You are so strong” or “You look so
well.” This puts pressure on the person to
keep up appearances and to hide his or her
true feelings.
• The pain of bereavement may never
fully heal. Be sensitive to the fact that
life may never feel the same. You don’t
“get over” the death of a loved one. The
bereaved person may learn to accept the
loss. The pain may lessen in intensity over
time, but the sadness may never com-
pletely go away.
• Offer extra support on special days.
Certain times and days of the year will
be particularly hard for your grieving
friend or family member. Holidays, family
milestones, birthdays, and anniversaries
often reawaken grief. Be sensitive on
these occasions. Let the bereaved person
know that you’re there for whatever he or
she needs.
Meanwhile, an offer to take bring
someone lunch, coffee, walk their dog,
help choose hospice care or make funeral
arrangements, or just give a hug probably
never hurt anybody...
—The Baker County Press Editorial Board
Congressional 2016 app
contest announced
As Oregon students
head back to school, U.S.
Rep. Greg Walden (R-
Hood River) announced
an exciting opportunity
for students to design an
app as part of a nationwide
competition.
The 2016 Congressional
App Challenge is a chance
for tech-savvy students
across central, southern,
and eastern Oregon to put
their creativity to the test
and design their own origi-
nal smartphone or desktop
apps.
The winner’s app will be
displayed in the U.S. Capi-
tol among the best student
apps in the country.
A panel of local experts
from Oregon, including
app developers and com-
puter science professors,
will judge each student’s
work and select the winner
and runners-up.
“The Congressional App
Challenge is a fantastic
opportunity for students to
showcase their creativity
in science, technology, and
math. App development
and coding are 21st cen-
tury skills, and I believe
somewhere in Oregon
there could be a student
with an idea that could be-
come the next Facebook or
Uber,” said Walden. “One
talented winner will have
the chance to be recog-
nized on the national stage.
I look forward to seeing
this year’s entries and wish
all Oregon’s budding cod-
ers the best of luck.”
In addition to having
their apps featured in the
U.S. Capitol, $50,000 in
Amazon Web Services
credits will be divided
among the student winners
from around the country to
be used for cloud comput-
ing services and other
resources to advance their
coding education.
To enter the challenge,
students must submit
a video demonstration
explaining their app and
what they learned, as well
as the app’s source code.
The deadline for entries is
November 2, 2016.
For additional details and
steps to enter, please visit
Walden’s website at www.
walden.house.gov/appchal-
lenge.
— Letters to the Editor —
— Special Column —
So I was
thinking ...
Friends ...
By Jimmy Ingram
Special to The Baker County Press
Friends. What would we do without
them? They support us, make us laugh,
and keep us grounded. Friendships come
in all shapes and sizes, making them
hard to categorize—but I’m gonna try
just a few for fun.
Childhood friends: Some friendships
go way back. So far back you can both
vividly remember things from child-
hood. Shared memories of adolescent
shenanigans are usually the topic of
choice for longtime friends—the times
you used to sneak out of class, where the
coolest bike jumps were, stories from
proms, 21st birthdays, bachelor(ette)par-
ties, road trips. They’ve been there for
everything. You’ve seen and done a lot
with them and there isn’t much you can’t
fully disclose to a longtime friend.
Party Friend: We all have at least one of
these—the person whose party schedule
is a full-time job. They’re famous for
the 2 a.m. call or text saying “why aren’t
you here!?” Their reputation for being
wild is famous in six counties state-
wide and has resulted in the inadvertent
destruction of thousands of dollars worth
of household items and even more in
legal fees. These friends are eager to
help you with just about anything so
long as beer is involved. Though wildly
unpredictable at times, party friends are
responsible for over half of your funny
stories and will go along with any outra-
geous idea you have. Chances are they’ll
even say, “Yeah I tried that once.” Their
advice is illegal in three states and if
followed will result in you apologizing
to your spouse, boss, your boss’s spouse,
your neighbors, neighbors dog, various
bar owners, and total strangers.
Mr. or Mrs. Perfect: This friend is the
antithesis of Party Friend. They have
never cussed, drank, smoked, told a
lie, or forgotten to floss. They are the
epitome of responsibility, and will do
any favor you ask of them so long as
it doesn’t result in any of their active
streaks being broken. They remind you
to do what’s right at all times, keep your
jokes clean, and get eight hours of sleep.
In ways they really are an inspiration but
refraining from everything fun like they
have just isn’t your cup of tea. Some-
how, they consistently beat you at every
sport or game of chance which drives
you crazy. Just don’t let them hear you
cuss when you lose.
Perpetually Late Friend: It’s hard to
believe a person can be late to every
event they’ve ever attended in their life
but this person has managed to do it.
Their tardiness is always accompanied
with a rehearsed 15-minute explanation
Submitted Photo
Jimmy Ingram is a local farmer and
father of two who enjoys people
watching within our wonderful
community and beyond.
using every excuse known to man: flat
tire, stuck at work, dog ran away, house
got struck by a meteor. They’ve used
so many excuses they’ve even recycled
some of their old ones, hoping you may
have forgotten. Deep down this friend is
a good person and a lot of fun when they
finally show up. It’s unfortunate your
annual birthday gift to them, a watch,
hasn’t got the point across. Though their
watch battery being dead was one of
their more believable excuses for being
late.
Health Nut Friend: This friend is
always there to remind you to be your
best, something that really pisses you
off sometimes. At various stages over
the years this friend has enthusiastically
promoted every diet and workout plan
constructed in the last 25 years. Their
idea of “hanging out” usually involves
a brisk 12-mile run or vigorous feat of
strength followed by workout related
conversation over a salad (sans dressing)
and water with a splash of lemon. You
once considered ordering a cheeseburger
in front of them until they reminded you
how many calories it had. This friend
means well, and they really do care
about your health. You could lose 15
pounds just by hanging out with them
one day a week for a month. Just don’t
make it Taco Tuesday.
The Honest Friend: He reminds you
that you’ve put on weight. You remind
him he’s bald. She tells you your shirt is
ugly. You tell her she’s cheap. It’s all in
good fun. There’s a comfort and humor
in knowing you and this friend can be
brutally honest with each other. These
friends are there to make sure your ego
doesn’t get too big. So while your other
friends may cringe at the verbal ex-
changes between you and Honest Friend,
you know that if you need help moving
or want to remodel your kitchen in a
weekend they’ll be the first one there to
help. Just be prepared for them to tell
you how ugly the flooring is you picked
out for the kitchen.
The best part about having such a wide
variety of friends is what happens when
you all get together. When Party Guy
and Mrs. Perfect debate the meaning of
life. When Honest Friend tells Health
Nut to lighten up and eat a cheeseburger.
Everyone has something to offer and the
common theme is that you love them no
matter what because they’re your friend.
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Thank you, Unity!
To the Editor:
A belated thanks to the people of Unity!
On July 9 I was on the last day of a Texas
to Oregon trip, but I had a flat tire on US
26 and discovered my lug wrench was the
wrong size.
A gentleman from Vale stopped and
Letter to the Editor Policy: The Baker
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gave me and my dog a ride several miles
to Unity, where many people helped and
gave advice. Another fellow drove us back
to my van and gave me the correct size
socket. Thanks to all. Sorry I have forgot-
ten your names!
Phil White
Austin, Texas
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