WED., MARCH 6, 1963
ROGUE NEWS
PAGE TKEEE
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"THE BLUKBUS"
DRAGGIN' WITH DAVE
By Dave Mutt
hurry Lucy, or we will roses (artificial), umbrellas, and
;ot to cat." Yes. the 1955 i whatever else she can't carry on
Oh,
neve:-
Ford, owned by Lucy Keating,
starts out on another one of its
daily chores, chauffeuring "the
girls" to the A&W for lunch.
The blue and white, four-door
sedan also has the task of bring
ing Lucy to school every morning
and taking her home in the even
ing. At times this hard-working
auto may be seen at a basketball
games, dances, or driving around
the town.
This aulo. affectionately refer
red to as "the bomb," is powered
by a 1955 Ford V 8, which is
completely stock. A mighty Fordo
matic, coupled to a stock Ford
rear-end, keeps "the bomb" on
the road and in shape for its
many tedious tasks throughout
the day.
The interior is also completely
stock, with the exception of the
plaid seat covers, that give the
car that "glamourous" look. This
car, being in perfect shape and
exceptionally clean, is a noted
result of a womans' loving care.
The car is also decorated with
her person.
Driving Teacher Disappears;
One Student Is Injured
Amazing Titles
A Connecticut Yankee was
standing on the street corner
conversing with The Mouse That
Roared. They were trying to decide
which avenue the Yankee should
follow. There was Green Dophin
Street and it had a very nice
place to stay. Wuthering Heights
as it was called. On the other
hand, there was East 57th Street
and if he took this route he could
stay at Barchester Towers.
While the Yankee was trying
to make up his mind, he was
joined by The Fraud who was
only Seventeen. The Fraud was
residing at The House at Old
Vine and the Yankee's Pride and
Prejudice told him to stay there.
When the duo arrived at the
boarding house, the landlady
insisted she had No Time For
Sergeants and sent them off with
The Continental Kick.
Let us look in on the dull
life of one of Ashland's driver
education pupils.
An average day in the life of
average Joe Recklessdriver be-
ins at 6:30 in the morning. As
the alarm goes off, Joe is up
and running. Where to? No one
knows.
However, having survived the
morning with minor cuts and
bruises, Joe looks anxiously for
ward to his driver's education
class. The main reason for Joe's
anxiety concerning the class is
that he is passing it, which is
more than can be said of his
other classes. If joe is passing
it, it is only because the expert
instructor couldn't bear another
year of nerveracking, head-busting,
driving with Joe.
Joe saunters into his class with
an air of accomplishment After
masterminding the written work,
Joe earns the privilege of a ride
with the instructor.
Upon entering the car Joe puts
his foot on the clutch, places the
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After the Yankee was settled
in his room, a group of Captains
Courageous trooped in and in
formed him that it was the Boys'
Night Out.
After spending the evening at
a ball game, the men returned
only to ponder the question of
Who's Got The Action? Finally
it was agreed that only The Raven
could be responsible. The Yankee
sincerely hoped not as he enjoyed
The Pleasure of His Company.
During a secret meeting. The
Connecticut Yankee and The
Raven decided the only p'ace for
them would be Wyoming where
it was a sin To Kill a Mocking
bird.
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car in gear, and eases out on the
pedal. The car not responding.
Joe gives the instructor a be
wildered look, whereupon the
ableminded teacher mentions.
The Key?"
Having gotten under way, which
In itself must be considered
nothing less than a miracle, Joe
attempts the task of shifting to
second gear. He carefully places
his foot on the clutch and shoves
the stick up. This places the car
reverse which is a peculiar
gear to be in while moving for
ward at 23 miles an hour. Need
less to say the car comes to a
swift, grinding halt.
After getting under way again
and making all three gears, Joe
attempts his first turn. The in
structor says, 'Take a right here,"
but upon sighting a shapely
blonde to the left, Joe decides to
go her way. Going the wrong
way on a one way street can
be precarious at times and this
happens to be one of those
times. Seeing a semi-trailer-truck
steaming ahead of him, the in
structor, usually very calm, leaps
from the car screaming. This is
suicide!" But our Joe keeps his
feeble mind throughout the whole
another twist of fate
we find Joe parked on the lawn
of some poor soul's house.
After being informed by the
owner of the lawn that it was
not a parking lot, and receiving
the well-selected nouns, adject
ives, and adverbs the truck driver
has to say, Joe very nobly picks
himself up and walks back to
school.
We cannot say as much for
the teacher. He may be found
someday. Some say he went crazy;
but he was already that way.
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