| COVER STORY
heart to
hearts
Let’s Talk Love, Loss, and Antics
Text | Lyska Mondor
My name is ERIN WISER. I’m trans. I’m a 34-year-old average Portlander.
I work in customer service, and nurse a wounded artistic impulse.
Photography | Horace Long
(Laughter) It’s not that monogamy is easier. It’s just that we’re used to it.
We don’t attribute all of the pain, discomfort, and fear to monogamy. We
attribute it to love. When it’s polyamory, it’s polyamory’s fault.
WHAT’S YOUR TAKE ON THE HOLIDAY OF LOVE?
WELL PUT. ARE YOU SEEING ANYONE RIGHT NOW?
I’m actually surprised it isn’t an enormous queer holiday. There’s a theme
of illegitimate marriage. It’s the triumph of love over a political take on
marriage.
DO YOU ADHERE TO A TRADITIONAL MONOGAMOUS RELA-
TIONSHIP STRUCTURE?
I do not. The shorthand is that I’m polyamorous. The longhand is that
I’m a lot more intentional with how I structure relationships. I rarely have
anything to do with sexual exclusivity.
PEOPLE USED TO MONOGAMY MAY HAVE TROUBLE UNDER-
STANDING HOW VALENTINE’S DAY WORKS FOR POLY PEOPLE.
DO YOU THINK IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE STUCK IN THEIR PER-
SONAL IDEA OF ROMANCE?
I am. It’s totally apropos that I’m being interviewed for this, because I am
probably in the most poly situation of my life. I’m dating a couple, and
they’ve been together for about four years.
DO YOU FIND YOURSELF EVER PLAYING A ROLE?
As a trans guy I’m sometimes put into the role of proto-man. It’s like I’m
bionic man! I’m a man, but better than men. And that’s just not true. I
mean, I know where a clit and a g-spot are, and I have non-penile sex. I’m
not sexually demanding in the same way, and I have a lot more endurance.
(Laughter)
(Laughter) WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF THE PERFECT ROMANTIC
DATE?
It’s preciousness. How can something be precious if it’s not a commodity, if
it’s not singular? That can be hard.
I think the perfect romantic date is pretty incredibly poly, in that I’m not
going to say that I have date in mind without having a person in mind.
HOW DOES THAT WORK FOR YOU?
RIGHT, BECAUSE ACTIVITIES SHOULD BE TAILORED TO THE
PERSON YOU’RE WITH.
It’s always circumstantial. One of the worst Valentine’s I’ve ever spent
would probably not sell people on polyamory.
THAT’S OKAY. FRANKLY, I’M SURPRISED WE EVEN TRY TO HAVE
RELATIONSHIPS AT ALL.
February 2013
Yeah, I’m not looking for someone to show up to a predetermined date. I’m
looking for someone I can forge that date with.
YOU’RE AWESOME. §
JustOut.com
19