or both? If you and your partner come from dif-
ferent religious traditions, how will you chose
the traditions you will carry on? Will you have
a Christmas tree and a menorah? What about
Solstice or Kwanza?
Children act as instant witness to our decisions
and reporters of how your family differs from
those of their peers. Decisions made casually in
the childless years are suddenly held to a new
scrutiny when the open, innocent eyes of your
wee one bear witness. Why don’t we have a
Christmas tree? Jacob gets 8 days of presents –
how come we don’t? Who is this scary, old, fat
man with a big beard who is able to watch my
every move and will be breaking into our house
in a few weeks?
How do you wade through these decisions and
create a holiday experience that, if not an expe-
rience worthy of gracing the front of a Hallmark
card, would at least create some joy and set the
foundation for some good memories?
Aside from the “something blue” bit, Cathy and
I have framed our conversations of how we want
to create the holidays for Oliver around the idea
of “something old, something new, something
borrowed…” She was raised in a fairly secular
home that celebrated Christmas through gifts
and food; I was raised in a very Catholic home
with an Italian immigrant father who had no
frame of reference for a Christmas tree but put
one up every year anyway. From those old expe-
riences, we’ve decided to pull the pieces of Santa
Claus, Christmas trees, and stockings by the
fire. Also, my family did the traditional Italian
seafood feast on Christmas Eve, so we’ll do that.
She has fond memories of watching the Nut-
cracker ballet on TV with her dad, so we’ll make
sure Oliver knows that music. For our “some-
thing new,” we’ve decided to make an ornament
each year as a family craft project. Finally, we
plan to borrow Solstice ideas around creating
light and honoring the shortest day of the year.
We remain in discernment about the Baby Jesus
and how much of that story we want to weave
into our traditions, which is really a corner of
the bigger question of how we want our child to
understand and experience religion.
However you decide to celebrate the holidays
that mark the winter and end of the year, may it
be a time of joy and belonging. §
In The Family Way is written by Cathy Busha and Anna
Deligio. Cathy and Anna are the new parents to son Oliver.
Reach them at Cathleen_Anna@JustOut.com
December 2012
JustOut.com
33