FAMILY | In The Family Way
by Cathy Busha & Anna Deligio
Lighting
Our Way
Parenting can lead to conflict during the holidays. How much Christ do we want in Christmas? Discuss.
Softly glowing candles lit to warm
the deep darkness of winter, gifts
bought or made for those we love,
special meals prepared with care and
shared with joy – these are some of
the markers of the winter holiday
season.
Whether we light the menorah or the
Yule log at the end of the year, it is
a time to gather with those we love
and celebrate those relationships.
Prior to being parents, perhaps you
and your partner used the days off
during this time to go somewhere
special (and potentially sunny) to
celebrate your relationship, bypass-
ing the sometimes hectic pace and
consumerism that can add a tin glint
to the intended glow of the season.
Perhaps you alternated years cel-
ebrating with each other’s families,
or perhaps the two of you hosted
your families of choice for the holi-
day celebrations. Whatever you did
before you became parents, the ac-
tivities were likely geared towards
the tastes and traditions of your adult
peers.
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Like most of the rest of your life, now that you are par-
ents, what you do for the holiday season takes on more
significance. Whereas in the past you and your partner
might have casually cobbled together traditions from
both of your histories to create a collage experience of
the holidays, now you are aware of passing on and cre-
ating new traditions for your wee one. Like the rest of
your life now, you find yourself basing decisions on a re-
flected response to your own upbringing. If the holidays
were a time of great cheer as a child, you likely will try to
recreate that magic for your little one. Conversely, if the
holidays lacked the glow and cheer anticipated for the
season, you likely will try to do everything you wished
your care givers had done for you during the holidays.
Will you have a
Christmas tree and
a menorah?
What about
Solstice or Kwanza?
The cobbling of traditions between you and your part-
ner that worked previously may now become a point of
tension. A previously casual or semi-disdainful relation-
ship with the sacred aspects of your holiday traditions
may suddenly become a point of great contention as you
and your partner discern how much Christ you actu-
ally want to keep in Christmas, so to speak. If celebrat-
ing Christmas, do you want the holiday to be about the
birth of Jesus or do you want it to be about Santa Claus
December 2012