Finally, this parenthood discerning process re-
minded me a of a discussion that once happened
when I was presenting LGBT 101 to a psycholo-
gy class at Park University at Davis-Monthan Air
Force Base in Tucson. During Q&A, someone in
the class asked, “Don’t you agree that it’s unfair to
the children for gays and lesbians to have kids?”
Hmmmm...
I paused, then turned the question back to the
class and asked others what they thought. While
some people agreed with the social stigma bur-
den of children of gays and lesbians, a man of-
fered that he is biracial - a black dad and white
mom - and that many of the arguments people
used against LGBT parents were once used
against multiracial families.
I thanked him and then asked the question: “How
many people in the room know a child who came
into the world unplanned? A shotgun wedding?
A one night stand? A night of drinking? A con-
dom that broke?” Almost all hands went up and
a few people laughed, “That was me!” or “That’s
how I had all my kids!”
Then I said, “Well, generally, gays and lesbians
who have children enter the process (and process
we do!) very intentionally. There are a lot of dis-
cussions and planning that tend to happen. Most
gay and lesbian people enter parenthood not by
accident, but very consciously.”
People sat quietly and uncomfortably. Then I
said, “Rather than framing the discussion of
LGBT parents as harmful to children, could it
even be possible that LGBT parents may offer
strengths as parents?”
Now, as Oliver’s mom, these discussions are no
longer theoretical. I can absolutely affirm that he
is one very lucky boy and we are two very lucky,
equal moms. g
In The family way is written by Cathy busha and anna
deligio. Cathy and anna are the new parents to son
Oliver. Reach tham at Cathleen_anna@JustOut.com
October 2012
JustOut.com
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