VOICES
by logan lynn
In The Trenches
The Curse of Being
Old Fashioned
Let me start by saying I believe everyone should
have the right to love whoever they please, how-
ever they please. My choice to love monoga-
mously, and my sharing my thoughts around
said loving with you all, is not meant to dimin-
ish your thoughts and choices, but rather to of-
fer up yet another queer voice on the matter. I
am not making a case for
monogamy with this ar-
ticle, but rather a case for
acceptance.
other sites people use these days to populate their casual sex lives. In fact, I
have never had a very casual sex life. It has always been tied to relationship
or a longing for deep connection. My being this way has made it difficult
for me to relate to the experience of many of my queer peers, and almost
impossible for them to relate to me.
I don’t believe being monogamously in love is the worst thing I can be as
a gay man, nor do I think this makes me any less queer than people who
aren’t. I reject the idea that being singularly devoted to another person is a
prison or a one-way ticket to a miserable existence. For me, monogamy is
not about control or fear. It’s about keeping it simple. I tend to only want
one man at a time, and once I am in
love with that man, I become deeply
committed both in mind and body.
I totally get that not everyone is like
this, but this is true for me.
love,
commitment,
and the
“ m ” word
In recent days I’ve been reading a lot of
articles about love, commitment, and
the “M” word, followed by discussions
with my fellow queers about said ar-
ticles, and it’s left me feeling frustrated.
I can’t help but wonder, at what point
in our queer cultural development did
it become acceptable to imply (or say
outright) that a person or couple who
chooses to be in a monogamous rela-
tionship is somehow less evolved than
those who do not? I have encountered
this view before in my previous dating misadventures, friendships, and
relationships … as though my wanting to be with only one man for the
rest of my life is buying into a “heteronormative” idea about love and, in so
doing, is somehow oppressing you in yours.
It has been my experience that being what some would consider “old fash-
ioned” feels, at times, a bit like a curse for an out, gay man. I have never
had anonymous sex. I have never hooked up with anyone off of Craigslist.
I have an iPhone but I am not on Grindr or Scruff or Manhunt or whatever
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JustOut.com
For as long as I can remember I have
always wanted to be in love, to have
a kind, handsome man decide I was
the one he wanted for the rest of his
life. I have fantasized about becoming
a two-person family with this man,
and exploring the world together from
there. I dream of us having wild ani-
mal sex so many times that we become
experts at one another’s bodies, all the
while knowing that neither of us are at
risk because other people’s bodies just
simply aren’t part of the landscape. I
want to get married in front of all of my loved ones and I have dreams of
the sound of little feet in our house. I want to hold their hands as they grow
and grow until I am left alone again with this man I have loved all these
years, to rediscover life after the sound of little feet has gone. I want to die
known and loved, and I want him to die knowing how known and loved
he was in return. g
logan lynn writes In The Trenches for Just Out. He is a Portland based musician, activist,
writer, and is a regular contributor to The Huffington Post.
Reach him at logan@JustOut.com
October 2012