by Cathy Busha & Anna Deligio
FAMILY
In The Family Way
Out-pacing Aunt Sally
“What will Aunt Sally say?”
You know. The Aunt who lives 1,000 miles away from you in Colorado
Springs (home to Focus on the Family), who still tells her sister/your
mom, “I still pray for your homosexual son every night.” What will Aunt
Sally say when she finds out that you’re going to be a gay dad?
While Aunt Sally may still believe Focus on the Family, the good news is
that organizations like the American Psychological Association (APA) are
refuting their junk science with fact: “There is no scientific basis for con-
cluding that lesbian mothers or gay fathers are unfit parents on the basis of
their sexual orientation. On the contrary, results of research suggest that
lesbian and gay parents are as likely as heterosexual parents to provide
supportive and healthy environments for their children."
“Oh that poor, innocent child.”
What Aunt Sally may not realize (though what Focus on the Family fears)
is that according to the Williams Institute (an LGBT think tank based out
of UCLA), 22 percent of LGBT people in the US are currently raising chil-
dren. In fact, as the 2010 Census reports, 29 percent of same-sex house-
holds in Multnomah County are parents. Some more information that
may surprise Aunt Sally: The New York Times reported in 2011 that Black
and Latino gay couples are twice as likely as whites to be raising children.
Despite this gayby boom, many LGBT people still find coming out as par-
ents to our families of origin stressful: “What will my family say?” “Will
they treat my child as an equal member of the family?” (particularly if the
child is not blood-related), “Will they reject my child?” can be worries that
LGBT parents have.
It makes sense we have these fears. In July 2011, Tom Minnery from Focus
on the Family testified in a Senate Judiciary Committee, “that children
living with their own married biological or adoptive mothers and fathers
were generally healthier and happier, had better access to healthcare, less
likely to suffer mild or severe emotional problems, did better in school,
were protected from physical, emotional and sexual abuse and almost
never live in poverty, compared with children in any other family form."
Minnery continued, “In fact, in all the ways we know how to measure child
well-being, having a married mother and father is consistently shown to
be the ideal family form across all important measures...no reliable data
indicates that same-sex parenting comes anywhere close to rivaling mar-
ried mothers and fathers for optimum child well-being outcomes.”
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The APA went on to boldly declare, “The results of some studies suggest
that lesbian mothers' and gay fathers' parenting skills may be superior to
those of matched heterosexual parents.”
“Superior?” That’s right, Aunt Sally.
Fortunately, public opinion is also out-pacing your Aunt Sally; in 2011, the
Pew Research Center reported a decline in negative views of the increas-
ing number of LGBT people raising children. 35% say that LGBT parents
are bad for society, 14% view this trend positively, while 48% say it does
not make much difference. In 2007, 50% viewed this trend negatively, 11%
said it was a good thing and 34% believed it made no difference.
Indeed, the data are good news and should increase LGBT parents’ confi-
dence in regard to family of origin acceptance. What many LGBT parents
eventually discover is that any initial family hesitation seems to melt away
once the they meet and connect with the baby or child.
In a study by Kim Bergman, Ph.D. from 2011, “Most gay fathers reported
that relationships with their families of origin had become closer, and that
having a baby increased recognition of the couple as a family.”
So while your Aunt Sally continues to pray, you can focus on other mem-
bers of your family. Your sister-in-law may not understand your love of
Scissor Sister, but she’s an expert at FuzziBunz cloth diapers and is excited
to finally have something to talk with you about.
In The Family Way is written by Cathy Busha and Anna Deligio. They are expecting their
first child in a few short weeks. Reach them at www.JustOut.com
July 2012