by Denny RIchard
PRIDE | BODY
An addict: In His Own Words
Just Today
I WAS VERY SCARED THAT I COULD SOMEDAY DIE
FROM DOING DRUGS, BUT AGAIN METH
CONTROLLED MY THINKING SO ALL THE
CONSEQUENCES DIDN'T SEEM TO MATTER.
I'm happy
because today
I am getting
control of my
life... meth
controlled me
for so many
years.
I feel like I
got a second
chance on life,
and I am
going to make
the most of it.
John Brown was hurting. And scared. Ten years of
addiction ended up with him looking in a mirror and
not recognizing himself.
AFTER YEARS OF DOING (METH) I REALIZED IT
HAS GOTTEN ME NOWHERE.
But then he did the unexpected. He got clean.
“It gets better,” says John, a Lake Oswego native and
former crystal meth user who just turned 32.
John is now 18 months into recovery from crystal
meth use and abuse. During his using, John says he
didn’t accomplish much of anything. He dropped
out of culinary school and had no real ambition to
accomplish anything. He felt mentally and emotionally
lost. And he was lonely.
YOU KNOW IT’S A FRIDAY AND SATURDAY THING
AND I’M TELLING MYSELF I’M JUST GOING TO DO
IT ON WEEKENDS. BUT WEEKENDS TURNED INTO
WEEKDAYS. AND THEN EVERY DAY.
John acknowledges that he has done things he
otherwise would not have, like participating in
risky sexual activities, which has resulted with him
contracting HIV. He also admitted to lying and
stealing and even spent a day in jail when he was 25
years old. But since he was high, it didn’t make a dif-
ference.
“I did not really learn a lesson,” says John. “I did not
care about the consequences and I was using again the
next day.”
In John’s recovery, he has come to terms with his past
and is now happily enjoying life.
“I never thought being clean would be so much fun,
and I’m so happy now. My friends and I actually do
things.”
John is also happy that he can be present with his
family and participate in their lives. He has recon-
nected with friends he lost while he was using. He can
actually say that he is proud of himself. He feels blessed
that he is getting help with medication to help regulate
the HIV virus in his system and John recognizes that
staying clean is directly related to his overall health as
well.
I AM LEARNING HOW TO DEAL WITH PROBLEMS
WITHOUT DRUGS, AND IT’S NOT EASY, BUT IT’S
NICE TO BE ABLE TO FACE PROBLEMS.
John plans to enroll in Portland Community College's
program for Drug and Alcohol Counseling and hopes
to reach out to those who are using that want to make a
change. He's currently taking prerequisites.
“If only one person can hear what I am saying, and is
ready to be free of this kind of life, then I have done
what I set out to do,” he says about sharing his story.
...BEING CLEAN IS AMAZING. THE RELATIONSHIPS
I HAVE MADE TODAY ARE AMAZING,
“The recovery community was the biggest thing that
has helped me. There are a lot of different 12 step
meetings and there are also ones for just gay people as
well,” John says.
Believe in yourself once again, John advises.
“Just give it a try. Just today. Just one day,” John says.
Denny Richard is an author and
health and yoga expert. Reach him at
www.JustOut.com
36
JustOut.com
I THOUGHT BEING CLEAN WOULD BE SO
BORING. BUT I HAVE SO MUCH FUN NOW
Photo Horace Long
But today is much different.
The Quest Center for Integrated Health
www.quest-center.org
June 2012