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OREGON'S LGBTO NEWSMAGAZINE
AUGUST 19. 2011
2 5 _ J S
The Anti-Julia Roberts
M ost peoples’ best friends enjoy any num
ber o f reasonable activities. Yours might love
yoga or traveling—or perhaps simply watch
ing television. My best friend Ryan’s greatest
joy on earth is calling me a lesbian. He calls
me a lesbian for the way I process sex (“You’re
not getting married just because you laid some
pipe with him, lezzie”), the frequency with
which I cry during movies (often), and for the
books I read. W hile I recognize this charac
terization as a gross misstatement about the
state of queer women worldwide, I reluctantly
embrace it. Because he’s usually right.
Recently, I tended to a somber family situa
tion in Idaho. The specifics regarding my sojourn
to the land of year-round fireworks stands and
peculiar fashion time warps is another story for
another day. (Briefly: a hastily organized family
trip to visit a gravely ill matriarch.) Before I left,
I visited my now favorite bookstore— Friends of
the Library in N W —to scour the shelves stuffed
with unwanted, unloved literary cast-offs, in
search of a traveling companion. I determined
a breezy, brainless read was in order. There, on
the 3-for-$5 bargain rack, I found Eat, Pray,
Love—a tattered, frayed copy discarded by the
Terwilliger Plaza Library.
Full disclosure: I concede almost every criti
cism leveled at this book, including the inher
ently flawed premise o f a person of privilege,
I wasn’t inspired to take up yoga or venture off
on my own pilgrimage. W hat I found, though,
was an irresistible protagonist who fumbles awk
BY DANIEL BORGEN
wardly and spectacularly through experience.
My friend said, “The best thing about
Not long before I left for Idaho, I tried to Exposed, letting all her warts show, she seriously
rekindle an expired relationship, one that felt ponders clinging to the familiar (especially in the
that book is that it isn ’t a recipe
like unfinished business. “Attempted” isn’t relationship department) in lieu of the unknown.
for happiness.’.’ Your circum stance
the most accurate descriptor— I pulled out all She thinks better of it, abandons comfort, in
my guts and laid them before him. Certain I stead parsing her every shortcoming. Forget
dictates what you glean.
thought the scenario through completely, I was Julia Roberts and her too-deliberate, monotone
afforded virtually every luxury imaginable, tak surprised and disheartened when things stalled narration: Get into this author’s words.
ing a year off to “find herself”—and financing it and sputtered from the outset; I lived the days
I left Idaho wishing my time there wouldn’t
with a hefty book advance. Another concession: that followed paralyzed by uncertainty. So it end, but content I went. I arrived home and
I watched the film last summer—long before should come as little surprise when, facing a faced the (fair) relationship answer I dreaded
I read the book. And I didn’t hate it. I found perfect storm of romantic and familial turmoil, but felt coming. So maybe my emotional vulner
the journey, while imperfect, plausible: Girl, that book grabbed me.
ability made me less critical o f a text I may have
suffering from severe relationship burnout and
As is my customary pre-flight ritual, I otherwise mocked, but I doubt it. My friend
general non-fulfillment, upends her life, swears enjoyed an adult beverage at the restaurant said, “The best thing about that book is that it
off sex, and searches relentlessly for answers.
closest to my gate. (I loathe flying and need isn't a recipe for happiness.” Your circumstance
W hen the movie came out, a friend talked to every available sedative before boarding those dictates what you glean. He emerged appreci
me about his Eat, Pray, Love book experience— aluminum tubes of death.) There I deliberately ating the spiritual components— “I wanted a
and, honestly, I wasn’t completely sold. I had zero started my book—it still had its bright yel god buffet,” he told me. I came out swearing
interest in reading it and only watched the movie low bargain sticker on the cover. My waitress, off sex— and committing to a broad-sweeping
to see Julia Roberts (and, okay, Javier Bardem). an aging woman who seemingly spent a life man diet. Ryan calls my “man diet” a lesbian
Sure, that sappy memoir was life-changing. Even time and career in servitude, repeatedly called move (“You need a nice married man from
though I technically liked the film—just one me “handsome,” tossing me smiles while she adam4adam for hot anonymous action”). This
good cry typically constitutes a “like,” I doubted grunted at and ignored everyone else. She time, he couldn’t be more wrong. JK
anything remotely respectable inspired it, which probably noticed what I was reading, sized me
is why it took me entire year to read it, an act I up, and decided I needed affection.
I refer to many friends as my best friend. Don't
hadn’t considered until the movie’s release.
It took me hours— not days— to finish. No, you? Em ail d a n i e l @ j u s t o u t . c o m .
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