OREGON S LGBTO NEWSMAGAZINE
My favorite move is Father of the Bride and
either version will do. I adore the original from
1950 starring Spencer Tracy and the young,
beautiful Elizabeth Taylor and also the 1991
remake with Steve M artin and Diane Keaton.
In both, the opening scene is a shot of the fa
ther at the end of his daughter’s wedding. He is
surrounded by confetti and empty wine glasses,
tuxedo tie loosened, looking generally dishev
eled and exhausted as he recounts the months
leading up to the big day. I love the movie be
cause it epitomizes the cultural understanding
of what weddings are and what they are for: to
send two people off on a life journey together,
blessed by those who love them.
I love weddings. I love the tradition and the
pomp and circumstance. I love how it brings
families and friends together to celebrate the
commitment between two people. Weddings
bring families closer together for good reasons.
My own family spans between Pennsylvania
and Oregon; my journey west 19 years ago was
the start of what became a migration of sorts,
with my mother moving, followed by my
younger brother and now my cousin. Because
o f the distance, we have unfortunately only
gathered together for big occasions and, more
unfortunately, those occasions have included
several funerals over the years.
Weddings are a much better reason to
spend time together and my family recently
had that opportunity when my brother and
--------- voices •----------
AUGUST 5, 2011
New York State of Mind
My relationship with my partner is
not as valid as that of my brother
and sister-in-law ... In fact, my
failed marriages to men mean
more, legally, than my successful
relationship with my partner—
and that is unacceptable.
sister-in-law celebrated their marriage. It was
beautiful— atop the hillside o f Zenith Vine
yards on a warm July day, more than 150
people watched them exchange vows, ex
change rings and commit their lives to one
another. The entire day was perfect. We visited
with out-of-tow n guests, played with our baby
cousins, and the 11 family members who
made the trip from Pennsylvania saw the
sights o f Oregon, making the occasion a vaca
tion as well. W hile taking in the entire expe
rience, I couldn’t help but wonder if my part
ner and I were to have a similar ceremony,
would the same attention be paid to us?
The same weekend as my brother’s wedding,
25 _ J S
f
with him, especially on this issue. The m em
bers o f society need to push evolution along,
starting with treating people equally. New
York, along with the other states who recog
nize marriage equality, is advancing the cause,
but until the federal government does the
same, we’re not really there.
I doubt if we were allowed to marry that I
would don a white dress and invite my Penn-1
sylvania relatives to an elaborate celebration.
We don’t really need to stand in front o f peo
ple and pledge our devotion to each other, or
have people toast us, blessing our union. We
know what it means to us, and we work hard
on making our relationship thrive every day.
I want the freedom to wed if I desire, but
more than that, I want my relationship to mj»
wife to be celebrated and recognized in the
same way my brother’s is, not just legally— in
every way. Someday I want to give my daugh
ters the same kind o f wedding, with the same
kind o f meaning as the one in my favorite
movie. I want to send her off on a life journey,
blessing her union and have it mean the same,
regardless o f the gender o f the person s h ^
chooses to marry. I hope to one day have that
chance. J0]
the state o f New York began issuing marriage
licenses to same-sex couples. The city o f New
York issued 659 marriage licenses the first day
it was legal to do so, and thousands o f couples
married throughout the state. It is estimated
that same-sex weddings will contribute mil
lions o f dollars to the state’s tourism industry;
New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg is
launching an “NYC I Do” campaign to market
the city as a wedding destination. The legal
rights and benefits afforded same-sex couples
are most definitely important, but equally as
important is that for those couples in New
York, their relationship is finally legitimized.
My relationship with my partner is not as
valid as that o f my brother and sister-in-law.
My brother can’t even call my wife his sister-
in-law because the law doesn’t recognize our
relationship. W hat we have, however com
mitted and steeped in love, is not regarded as
equal to my married family members. In fact,
my failed marriages to men mean more, le
gally, than my successful relationship with my K a t h r y n M a r t i n i is a freelance writer; blog
partner— and that is unacceptable.
ger and columnist. She lives in the suburbs of
“No one changes society,” my uncle said to Portland with her wife and three daughters.
me recently. “It evolves on its own.” I disagree Reach her through kathrynmartini.com.
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