< voices ► First, There Is A Mountain 62 WWW.JUSTOUT.COM JUNE 17.2011 I don’t recognize the number as it appears on my telephone screen. It’s Saturday afternoon, and I’m cleaning up my apartment, the windows wide open, Donovan playing on my iTunes. “Is this Nick?” a man’s voice asks. “Yes,” I say, cradling the phone between my ■-shoulder and ear, turning oil the kitchen faucet. “I have great news for you.” The man introduces himself as the director of a prestigious yoga teacher training program in New York state. “I wanted to call personally to tell you that the essay you submitted for our scholarship contest was fantastic, and that you are a finalist for the hill scholarship for teacher ¿raining.” I stand in the middle of my sunny kitchen, my mouth open, silent and shocked. The dishrag drops from my hands, plops damply by my feet. “First, there is a mountain,” Donovan trills from the speakers, “then there is no mountain. Then, there is.” “Are you still there, Nick?” the director asks, a hint of amusement in his voice. “Yes! I mean, yes, I’m here. I’m just... I’m shocked!” I stammer. “I mean, this is such an honor! I’ve been studying yoga for 11 years! This is amazing!” “We at the school are just as excited as you,” he continues. “It sounds like you’re an excellent candidate and will make a great teacher. How- remember to breathe BY NICK MATTOS simple. I am the man who spent the other eve­ ning sitting at a bar downing Diet Cokes and everything: my jobs, my house, my picking apart the concept of “bros before hos” for over an hour (Tip: Learn from my mistake boyfriend, my money, my serene little and don't do this). “Fundamentally, loyalty is life here in Portland? Am I willing to good,” I explained to Marshall, “but for a ‘bros before hos’ system to be anything but extremely leap just to hit the ground? toxic it requires a certain kind of ‘bro,’ and a ever, I was also calling to make sure that if you particular relationship with the ‘ho.’” “Jesus Christ,” Marshall sighed bemusedly were offered the scholarship, that you’d be able to take it.” over his beer. “Are you still parsing that shit “W hat does the scholarship cover?” I ask, out?” “There is more meaning to unpack!” I leaning against the counter to steady myself. “Tuition and costs for our monthlong resi­ laughed. dential training program in New York,” he says, As insufferable as this tendency of mine may his voice giving away the warmth of a smile. “I be, here in my kitchen I would similarly parse understand that some people can’t take a month out another favorite Nag Champa-scented hip­ straight out of their lives, certainly. Also, it’s in­ pie trope: “Live your bliss, man.” I acquiesce tense—250 hours of instruction in 30 days, 2 that “leap, and the net will appear” may be true, hot yoga classes a day, lots of reading and study but to be successful it probably requires a cer­ and self-reflection. That being said, from what tain sort of leap, a particular vantage point for you wrote about in your essay, we think you can the leaping, an environment full of things that handle it and would do excellently.” can assemble themselves into a net. I would also Blame it on an upbringing influenced by the assert that many who make drastic leaps to “live Book of Proverbs or my degree in communica­ their bliss” underestimate the firm ground of tions, but I tend to find most aphorisms overly rock bottom— that if no softer net appears, the What if I leave for a month and lose hard earth obliges itself to catch you. Will that happen to me? I worry. What i f I leavefor a month and lose everything: my jobs, my house, my boy­ friend, my money, my serene little life here in Port­ land? Am I willing to leap just to hit the ground? I look out the window. “First, there is a mountain,” Donovan repeats. A breeze comes up, the cherry tree outside releases its hold on the blossoms, they rain elegantly to rest on the lawn. “Then, there is no mountain.” What would I lose ifld id th is? \ think, a frantic sense of inde­ cision tightening my chest. I watch the tree re­ lease its flowers in the wind, the sun streaming into my apartment, my yoga mat rolled up and leaning against the wall. Even i f the aphorism is wrong and the net won't appear, I wonder, am I willing to leap anyway? “W hat do you say, Nick?” the yogi on the line asks. “If offered the scholarship, would you ac­ cept it?” The answer stands out boldly inside me, a new mountain on my horizon, the landscape of my life changed by the formation. I close my eyes and smile. “Yes,” I speak into the phone, surprised by the breathlessness in my voice, the certainty of my nodding head. “Absolutely.” J#] N ick M attos was later named the first recipi­ ent o f the Evolation Yoga Teacher Training Schol­ arship and is spending the month o f June in New York getting certified to teach hot yoga. Send Port­ land updates to nickmattos@justout.com. Daily Special 6AM - 6PM Lockers S5 / 4 firs Small Rms Sit / 4 hrs Friday | Saturday 11 pm - 2am % off Lockers / 4 Hrs June 24-26 - Overlook Park Featuring 50+ organic craft beers, cider & kombucha plus organic food, vendors, live music & a kids area www.NAOBF.org a benefit for Leukemia Lymphoma Society & Oregon Food Bank 1117 Pike Street | (206) 622-9958 (near Boren Ave) * \ 1 Seattle, WA » > 3 F lo o r O f Cruising Steam Room Opens In June! b ilS — ■ s AiUloaud With Ait' Other Jfcismc** * & f